Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

He told you what your friends are thinking, and you were awful to him, you may find he plucks up the courage to leave you.

He was giving you his opinion, you reacted with a deeply personal and hurtful insult. If I was him I'd never be able to forget it.

Sorry replied to wrong post

You could not be more wrong. What you are talking about is the consequence of rapid weight loss, not a result of the action of Mounjaro, which neither "targets" muscle nor fat. You are demonstrating a total misunderstanding of what these drugs actually do. Which is fine - tell yourself what you like. Just don't tout it to others as if you're an expert.

Arguably, what he said was a deeply personal and hurtful insult.

And her comment on his dick was merely her opinion.

I can't focus on anything other than "chode". But yeah, he deserved it.

You crossed a line. Your sex life will never recover. He will never trust you again. He’s told you this. Whether what you said was justified after what he said is irrelevant. The damage is deep on both sides. He’s made it clear there is no coming back from his wound.

Op asked her husband if he still found her attractive.

Surely the answer is yes or no?

People can look haggard when they lose weight quickly, especially if they are a bit older and the skin no longer has the elastin in used to. You should be aware of this and ready for some home truths if you push him on it. You shouldn't have responded so nastily, it was uncalled for.

I agree
People who lose weight generally look more youthful .
They only tend to look haggard if they lose weight too quickly or if they are genetically predisposed to ageing
My mother hast lost five stones and looks fifteen years younger

This certainly can happen, but it can also readjust after a while.

Gary Barlow and comedian Jimmy Carr went on a weight loss kick and did look haggard for a good few months - the latter looked like a Dickensian undertaker, but it came out alright in the end. Sean Connery got in to shape for his final Bond film Never Say Never Again (1983) at the age of 53 and unfortunately looked older in that movie than he should have done, a year after he looked better, even without his toupee.

I found the weight comes off the wrong areas first, such as arms, legs, bum and face, but only off the stomach gradually and latterly. So often it looks worse initially because it has yet to catch up.

Fat is nature's botox though for someone several stone overweight I suppose there are other pitfalls.

“well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

I've never heard the word chode before. I assume it means penis.

Is it a regional word? Or generational slang? Other people seem to know it though so wondering why I've never heard it. Where is it used and who by?

He also cant do anything about the size of his cock whereas you can yo yo up and down with your weight to your hearts content.

Fwiw I worked with a woman who had always been ' well covered' . She lost a huge amount of weight after I left the school and ,when I met her in town, I thought ( didn't say anything obviously) that she had cancer because she was so thin. She looked really ill. Perhaps your husband has a point.

Wow, you were vile. Is this how you speak or had you been drinking? It sounds like you were massively triggered by his comments and then all hell broke loose.

OK. Let's be honest. When fat middle aged women lose a lot of weight they CAN look a bit haggard and therefore older than they did when they were fat

I think this can happen and therefore is a factual occurrence for some/many

You asked the question, didn't like his answer (which I'm assuming is factual from his perspective) so you decided to say he has a small thick dick

There's not too much he can do about the size of his dick and unless you put some weight back on, there's not too much you can do about looking older than you did when fat

Hey ho!

I’ve just looked it up. Never heard of it.

Why is there an assumption that his negative, critical comments are actually true?

Some people look older with weight loss, some younger, some exactly the same.

Because he’s male?

And what if OP’s comments are true. She would quite like a big cock but she makes do.

Fair enough the comment about his dick was not called for but does he want you to die cos high blood pressure is a silent killer cos he wants you to stay fat. Did he even think of that when saying what he did.

Wow OP, just wow.

For the record I think 10 st 12 at 5'8" would be a bit on the 'thin' side. I'm 5'6", my fighting weight is 10.5 st and I'm a size 10 at that or an 8 in 'certain shops'. Slim enough for sure.

I do think you should apologise for what you said (god knows what else you might have insulted him about) and maybe eat something, you sound hangry...

Well he found out what retaliation means didnt he? Sinking to his level wasn't great but was also well deserved.

I bet you look great op, well done on your weight loss you must be so proud of yourself 😃

Pile on the weight love, then no one else will fancy you. Then it will be those slim women down at the gym look fantastic in those leggings.

You shouldn’t have said what you said. BUT he seemed to be saying you looked older in a negative way. Wtf? So what if you do? You are so much healthier now.

I'm 5' 9" and weigh 10 stone 2. Definitely not too thin....size 12 mainly. Just average

He’s not used to your weight as it’s been such a dramatic loss. Also the skin will not be as attached as it will be in a year. I had ludicrous bingo wings after losing 4 stone, seriously I could have used it as one of those flight suits that people who dive on mountains use.

And my face looked like my it had been emptied 😱 I literally looked a decade older

A year later? It’s all popped back and even though I’m actually lighter a bit than then people comment ‘oh you looked too thin/drawn before, glad you’ve put some weight back on’

Can I speak from experience?
I had significant weight loss the traditional way. It took me three years to lose just shy of 10 stone. I am 5ft 4.
There is no doubt that once I made it to my bang on healthy weight - 9st 3lb and a size 8, my face suffered for it. My face was thinner, yes...but it was also a bit haggard. I looked older. My husband never said so directly, but he too braved a 'don't lose too much' chat. On top of that, well-meaning people would ask if I was alright and say I looked a bit tired. I knew it was because of the weight loss, which I am still extremely proud of.

I'm 10st 7 now and have been this weight, give or take a pound or two here and there, pretty consistently for about four years, size 10. I look the better for the gain tbh.
I'm 50 and they do say that it's a choice between arse or face at my age.

I don't know if your dh was being a twat or if he is concerned and was too blunt about it.
As for you crossing a line...again, I don't know. I don't have a penis and can't relate to mens sensitivity about them.
Is alluding to a small penis really the most insulting thing you can say? I'm sure it's not.

Good luck hashing this one out.