Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

Go through the appropriate channels. He has been pretty clear with you here. And he's right, at this point he isn't your friend.

There’s clearly more to this, he’s obviously fed up with messages from you. Leave him alone.

Definitely this.
And dish that revenge ice cold!

Twat.
He doesn't sound happy.
Miserable twats always lash out.
He ain't a happy chappy.

Three weeks is way to late Op, he'll be trying to miss a month and hope you don't notice. Do the DC see him, if not does he blame you?

Sounds like my ex. Found out it was because his girlfriend didn’t like any contact between me and ex.

🙄 he could send the money for his child on time.

Haha. I always think posts like this must be men.

This and then via CMS if it doesn’t result in the payment vs more AI whinging.

"Okie dokie, the CMS will be in touch instead"

💯

The best response is none sometimes. His wordy text must have taken some mental effort and he probably thought you be devastated. Ignoring him shows you went "meh... still a pathetic toss pot who can't grasp a simple question".

Go via cms - because it's not "the kids are in hospital" so he really is asking you to go via third party if the kids aren't dieing isn't he? Careful what you wish for and all that jazz.

What an utterly pathetic little worm. I hope he catches scabies on your behalf

I'd reply:
Chat GPT? 😀
Could you answer my question please.

’Sounds good, I’ll go via CMS’

💯- this is usually the reason I get rude and aggressive messages.

The CSA is truly magnificent though - very professional Northern Irish people who act fast and take absolutely no crap from anyone.

If he doesn’t pay on time, let them know (and then turn off your phone…)

’Calm down, I don’t want to be your mate either. I just want to know when I’m getting the children’s’ child support. Don’t worry, I’ll go via the CMS from now on’.

CMS still requires payment to be made by a specific date.
I tried a similar approach when a payment was late and got a load of abuse. My advice is report it as a late payment

Hi, I don't think that message was meant for me? Can you let me know date for CMS please. Thanks

I’d respond- Ok. Anyway…when will the CS be in?

Just send a thumbs up emoji and go through CMS.

What a dick.

He's got money problems himself and is an unhappy person, or at least st the moment.You are well shot of the misery.How much longer will.you.need contact anyway if you've been split 11 years kids sre teens I guess it will end soon enough?

Completely agree.

What a psycho, looks like the word "hey" triggers him.

He's sent such a batshit over the top reply, has no relevance to what you've asked him.

Did he even read the whole text?

"I'm a stranger. You don't know me" I'd be very tempted to respond with, "sorry mate, thought you were someone I slept with once, twice." (However many kids).

Gosh, this is like looking into my future. My partner left me a few weeks ago and moved hours away and has been treating me like absolute shite, including this formal, inane drivel, which according to this thread is common with these types of "men." CMS havent been able to locate him yet, I did send his work address so hopefully that has sped things along! Sorry to those expiencing this. 17 years to go for me, though he has no interest in seeing his child just yet 🙄

Good! This is exactly what you should do.
I think, based on what you've said he was like to you previously, he's taken your text as a criticism, and can't handle that (narcissist?), so has turned it back on you and made you the problem, instead of addressing your question. He's probably looking forward to a reaction. Don't give him one. (Well, do, but through official channels. 😁)
What a nasty idiot he is.