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Original poster

Horrible text from ex

454 replies

Calendulaaria · 23/10/2025 12:12

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 26/10/2025 01:21

Anotherdisposableusername · 25/10/2025 22:32

Do you know these people? You seem quite oddly invested. Nowhere has she said that no contact was the arrangement - the opposite, polite brief messages were the norm - so unless you speak with an idea of who they are, you are making claims with no evidence whatsoever.

Even if you had grounds for your position - which you don't - asserting boundaries would be, "Please can we restrict this text avenue to emergencies about the children. CMS can be managed via CMS. Thanks."

This is not how a normal, well-balanced adult asserts their boundaries. It's an utterly unboundaried response, ironically. A petulant tantrum is not boundary assertion.

The OP actually stated, together with it having been calm and courteous for six years, that:

He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

And yet you are saying she lacks boundaries?

OP, I'd just be glad you got shot and he is not your problem. He sounds truly awful and my heart goes out to the woman currently saddled with him.

Edited
Show quote history

Tbh sounds like either the ex or the OW.

Newnamehiwhodis · 26/10/2025 01:53

Yuck, what a drama queen he is. Sounds like my ex, who would grandstand about the smallest things and make big speeches like he thought he was Winston fucking Churchill. He loved strife, argument, upset, and drama, as it made him feel important to be battling someone.

this self-important, idiotic little speech of the toddler man can show you you’re so lucky to be free of him.

ozarina · 26/10/2025 02:34

Calendulaaria · 23/10/2025 13:01

It normally comes through in the first week of the month, so I thought I'd check in to see if it was going to be a certain date this month.

Show quote history

You keep on saying this but you don't answer the question.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Clutchball · 26/10/2025 03:28

ozarina · 26/10/2025 02:34

You keep on saying this but you don't answer the question.

Show quote history

She answered two days ago. You’ve had time to catch up. She said this month’s still hasn’t been paid.

Original poster
Calendulaaria · 26/10/2025 05:32

Newnamehiwhodis · 26/10/2025 01:53

Yuck, what a drama queen he is. Sounds like my ex, who would grandstand about the smallest things and make big speeches like he thought he was Winston fucking Churchill. He loved strife, argument, upset, and drama, as it made him feel important to be battling someone.

this self-important, idiotic little speech of the toddler man can show you you’re so lucky to be free of him.

Oh god yeah. they're so self important! The Winston Churchill part made me laugh 😂He's absolutely a toddler man that I'm well shot of.

OP posts:
FlyMeSomewhere · 26/10/2025 06:55

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 25/10/2025 20:08

No dear, I said that "if the roles were reversed" that the hysterical women on here would be screaming "call the Police".

It's called sarcasm.

HTH.

Show quote history

But your sarcasm falls flat when none of us are acting stupid about a single polite text! It fails flat because there's only you blowing it out of proportion! If any of us on here got that text we'd probably reply politely!

Missj25 · 26/10/2025 07:31

FlyMeSomewhere · 26/10/2025 06:55

But your sarcasm falls flat when none of us are acting stupid about a single polite text! It fails flat because there's only you blowing it out of proportion! If any of us on here got that text we'd probably reply politely!

Show quote history

Yes we would , it’s called being a normal human ..
OP is polite/ normal / nice , & he’s a dick !! sums it up really ..
It’s disheartening to read opinions like yours that suggest this man’s behaviour towards OP is justified..

Pherian · 26/10/2025 07:37

I can clearly see she’s upset. Because he’s a massive prick. However, it’s irrelevant. He is right - they aren’t friends. They are divorced and he has a right to draw boundaries about their contact.

It is 100% about the money now. Given it’s why she contacted him. She shouldn’t have to ask the deadbeat in the first place.

momentumneeded · 26/10/2025 07:55

This is exactly the kind of text my ex would send - that or he ignores any reasonable communication/ replies weeks later. I went via cms to avoid contact for this reason and then, like you, when I questioned late payment once, I had a similar patronising, arrogant response. I didn’t reply and triggered the late payment process on cms and this then triggered direct payment from his salary with something like a 20% surcharge. My goodness he was quick to contact me to say he’d paid and could I cancel the direct pay! Financial consequence is the only thing that gets through to this type of man I think. Def do not reply! Keep tight hold of your dignity.

We will need to sell the family home when my youngest finishes 6th form. Ex will want this done quickly. Me less so. I will be polite but will be modelling my speed/ helpfulness of responses on his to me over past years! It might take some time to move forwards….😁

Nickisli1 · 26/10/2025 09:34

Definitely just ignore him. I think my ex would send something like this if I asked about cs. I let it go over my head as it is about him and his stuff.
On another note my ex has a direct debit set up so the money always comes on the same day, it's annoying your ex doesn't do that x

Catsknowbest · 26/10/2025 09:41

PflumPfeffer · 23/10/2025 12:25

Could the new gf have written it based on shite he’s told her about you? I used to have a male friend whose gf used to pull stuff like that with his phone/socials.

Exactly what I was thinking!!

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 26/10/2025 09:48

As @Pherian mentioned, it's 100% about the money now which was the reason for contacting him. As he said himself, if you have a problem take it up with the appropriate place. If it's an issue for you every month, you could seek for it to be due on a particular date, so he can't play around with it if there was abuse there

Missj25 · 26/10/2025 10:45

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 26/10/2025 09:48

As @Pherian mentioned, it's 100% about the money now which was the reason for contacting him. As he said himself, if you have a problem take it up with the appropriate place. If it's an issue for you every month, you could seek for it to be due on a particular date, so he can't play around with it if there was abuse there

But it’s not about the money !
Jeez , read the post !!!
Op is upset how he spoke to her , the things he said , this is why she posted here ..
Op is not complaining about the late payment, she is telling us this is the reason she contacted him, & then she is telling us the message she got back from him, ( Dick ) , & how upsetting it was ..
It’s really not that hard to understand !!!

Mumof3andamanchild · 26/10/2025 11:42

my ex pays me weekly cm and I had issues with some Fridays it went in some it didn’t and I would message him just to say I hadn’t received it but he would sort it straight away the only times I message is if our son is having some issues cause he’s his dad it shouldn’t be all on me and I’m sure he would like his dad around too if he’s having a hard day and he will give him a ring I feel like the issues are between ourselves not the kids and we should work together so it really sucks that you don’t have this between you I think if he’s having doesn’t normally pay late then just leave it and expect to receive it when you normally do and don’t bother him again

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 26/10/2025 12:13

Missj25 · 26/10/2025 10:45

But it’s not about the money !
Jeez , read the post !!!
Op is upset how he spoke to her , the things he said , this is why she posted here ..
Op is not complaining about the late payment, she is telling us this is the reason she contacted him, & then she is telling us the message she got back from him, ( Dick ) , & how upsetting it was ..
It’s really not that hard to understand !!!

Show quote history

Maybe, it is a valid question she asked though and I think she deserves to know and to not be left wondering every month IMO, especially if she has the kids most of the time

Missj25 · 26/10/2025 12:33

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 26/10/2025 12:13

Maybe, it is a valid question she asked though and I think she deserves to know and to not be left wondering every month IMO, especially if she has the kids most of the time

Show quote history

Yes , I realise the question is valid ..
The discussion here though isn’t “ Was I reasonable in messaging my Ex about late child maintenance payment “ , it was “ horrible text from Ex “ ..
Now do you see ??

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 26/10/2025 12:46

Missj25 · 26/10/2025 12:33

Yes , I realise the question is valid ..
The discussion here though isn’t “ Was I reasonable in messaging my Ex about late child maintenance payment “ , it was “ horrible text from Ex “ ..
Now do you see ??

Show quote history

That's true, it was called that. Ya, he didn't talk to her very nicely alright. I hope she gets sorted anyway, not a nice text to get

Nighttimeistherightime · 27/10/2025 07:22

DungareesTrombonesDinos · 23/10/2025 14:34

Sorry if anyone else picks up on this but just quickly- if you tell the CSA youve not received it they will take it out of his wage so fast his head will spin.

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I wish that were true! 4 years of missed payments here…

Billybea · 27/10/2025 07:33

Is there a possibility his partner got hold of the phone & she replied unbeknown to him? Just a thought ...

Wildgoat · 27/10/2025 07:54

Billybea · 27/10/2025 07:33

Is there a possibility his partner got hold of the phone & she replied unbeknown to him? Just a thought ...

Yes as why blame a man when you can search for a woman to blame instead.

40YearOldDad · 27/10/2025 10:50

It's a shitty text from him, probably having a bad day, but if you have an agreement with CSA, I assume it wasn't a nice, happy ending to your relationship. (I've read it wasn't) He's probably miffed about being chased - espically if payments are not coming directly from him and he is paying on time.

leave it alone, chase CSA.

DingDongJingle · 27/10/2025 11:51

40YearOldDad · 27/10/2025 10:50

It's a shitty text from him, probably having a bad day, but if you have an agreement with CSA, I assume it wasn't a nice, happy ending to your relationship. (I've read it wasn't) He's probably miffed about being chased - espically if payments are not coming directly from him and he is paying on time.

leave it alone, chase CSA.

Payments are coming directly from him, they’re not currently being collected by CMS. The OP needs to change that now though.

OnceIn · 27/10/2025 12:27

I bet he’s been checking his phone periodically for a response from you. Probably driving him nuts you haven’t bothered. Sounded like he was after an argument and you’ve not played into his hands. Well done op.

going forward I’d take him at his word and only contact him if a child is in hospital. As for CM, go via the official channels now as he’s refusing to engage with you.

ThisPearlOtter · 27/10/2025 13:13

Hello, sorry you received this. I would ignore and go through CSA, if not and if things really break down, draw up contact arrangement outside of your own communication so there would be no reason to ever talk again. Method is "grey rock". This message is sent to get a reaction from you.

Gossipisgood · 27/10/2025 13:50

Message ack saying 'Grow the F**ck up & pay for your kids on time. That's all I've contacted you about'