Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

Sounds like it was acrimonious.

This is perfect.

That’s a bit much, just sounds like an acrimonious split and he wants nothing to do with her.

Nothing to add apart from what a ginormous cunt he is. I suspect my ex was like this towards his ex-wife because he resented having to pay towards his own kids. Always said she’d trapped him by getting pregnant, never mind that it usually takes (at least) two people to fertilise an egg.

Are you having a laugh?! Even when both parties are cooperative, the CMS can take up to a year to set up payments!!!

Personally I’d just do a laughing emoji. But that’s probably quite childish. What a kn0b!

Better to just absolutely ignore him because he is clearly a dick.

Also ignore the previous weird mumsnetters who have said he is right. Mumsnet is just full of oddballs.

In your head imagine you have replied: you OK hun?

I would reply that you weren’t after a chat just the date!

If he doesn't pay and they decide to take it from his wage it is out of his control. He doesn't need to sign any papers. They'll just do it.

What a prick

I mean it would be an emergency if the kids couldn’t eat as he hadn’t paid, wouldn’t it

in any case, I wouldn’t reply. I would thank god I wasn’t married to the cunt anymore. His poor wife!

lol

Or he’s just trying to get out of paying. Considering it’s almost the end of the month and he’s still not paid anything.

If he wanted her to text less then why not set up a regular date to pay on - then OP wouldn’t have to chase him for it.

I would re read the message, sit down, take it in and think I did so well divorcing this knob, never made a better decision, maybe have a drink, little treat celebrate job well done, you got away imagine the poor woman stuck with him next

Make sure you don’t lose a month so Octobers late payment, then Novembers even later payment then Decembers extra late payment is actually early January, and so on.

I'd be irritated by any message that began with, "Hey".

Does your CMS agreement not have a date it has to be paid on? If it is past the date, I’d report him to CMS.

He sounds like a complete knob, his response didn’t even make sense as in you asked a question, you wasn’t complaining or needing a friend.

I’d have just repeated the question to him.

If my ex was late paying I’d text him the day after it was due so I don’t see anything wrong in what you did.

Would you give a response like that?

Dont reply, just go to the CMS, if he misses a payment arranged through them they can take it out of his wages going forward.

My ex stopped paying child support with no notice at all. I didnt give him the satisfaction of letting him think it bothered me, and just went through the CMS.

They send me an email every month with a link to report non payment, and i'll be doing that if he misses a payment. No way im messaging him.

Yeah new Mrs has dumped him and he is taking it out on you.

Good for her, not so good for you.

Wait until the 1st November and say that want to go on to them collecting it, will cost you both a week bit but him more as he will have to pay his costs on top of the CS.

My ex has the entire month to pay he ended with them taking it directly because even with up to 31 days to pay he was still paying late and short changing his children they took it directly off him for 6 months he now has to pay them directly before he earns the right to pay me directly again and guess what? He isnt paying them on time either 🙄

Gosh, can’t think why you divorced him. He sounds delightful.

I’d probably send back a 🖕🏻emoji

Yaaaaas! Or just the laughing emoji. They hate that.

Can’t the payment be made the same day of the month? It would save all this.

How many times have we wanted to tell someone what we really mean - he did just that.

.

They aren't magnificent. They treat non resident parents like scum and treat them all like deadbeats. Men have taken their own lives due to this organisation.