Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

I'd reply "So when is the payment coming?" No acknowledgement of his cunty rant.

'TLDR. What day please?'

I'd assume, he's having a bad day - maybe money worries - and he's trying to take it out on you.

Luxuriate in the warm glow that he's no longer your day to day problem and pursue the formal payment arrangement through CMS.

Edit: to say I just noticed someone else suggested the same, but great minds!

Try replying: if you want no contact with me - step up and do your duty as the father of our children so I don't have to chase you for the small contribution you make to their lives. Paying CS on time is the very least you can do for them. I contacted you in my role as their present, active and fully functioning parent - someone they always have and always can rely on, 24/7/365 for life. Check your bank. Your Child Support payment hasn't come through.

We broke up due to not being compatible.

I can't understand it, he seems so lovely.

Contact CMS and have it directly from his wages, might find that he has to pay more, bonus.

Made me chuckle, thanks!

I’d reply “noted” and then not message him again.

Do not respond no matter how tempting. Ignore and go via CMS for the money.

I would go with
"cool, so when are you paying me?"

Ring CMS I’ve found them really good at sorting things

Sorry yes I mean the process not CMS specifically. I would have replied earlier but this thread keeps reloading on my laptop because of memory issues - not my memory issues!

Imwould go back and say it is an emergency as you need to get food for the kids,

then quietly go to CMS

Go to CMS immediately. See how he gets on trying to shrug them off.

This is perfect. Pompous ass. Don't let him know it upset you.

He was an arse then and an arse now and will also be one going forward. His response is typical of what an idiot would say

I agree: have another hug, OP. He has no right to talk to you like that. But he's just showing how worthless he is and how much better your life is without him in it.

Sorry if anyone else picks up on this but just quickly- if you tell the CSA youve not received it they will take it out of his wage so fast his head will spin.

Just go to the CSA and tell them he’s late and also ask for a review.
keep the message, screenshot it and save.
Sorry you had to have such a nasty text from an innocent message:

Absolutely, then when he inevitably complains text him

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.
If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.
If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

What a sad little wanker.
I wouldn't put up with being spoken to like this (anymore, I used to though). My ex was like this, rude and condescending (I imagine still is!) with the stupid long dramatic messages and used to dick me about with maintenance.
I went through CMS so they had a record of inconsistency, and when he kept doing it I got them to take it out of his wages before it got to him. He didn't have a choice over that. It really pissed him off, it was great! 😂

Perfect response.

Well my polite reply would have been , you’re hardly a stranger , you’re the father of my children!
( closely followed by dick head )

I can see why he's an Ex. Well done you for getting rid of the pompous twat in the first place.

It doesn't matter how many years it's been, these negative men can still send out what I call barbs. It's like they're fishing and they want to catch you to cause pain and to put you in a position of defending yourself.
He is a sad individual with a really rubbish life to have these control issues. His partner has probably worked him out and is leaving him. He's facing reality and cannot face the truth.
You've tried the adult to adult approach, which he rejected and the next adult approach is for you to go to Child Maintenance.
His behaviour is his fault, not yours and it tells you everything you need to know - your life is 100x better without being tied to him (only a few years you can sever any connection).

What a shitstain of a human. I love the TLDR message. "Calm down, Andrew Tate" would also be tempting.