What are the worst cafe crimes?

[TheLastSherbetLemonInTheJar]

Yes I know that running is a cafe is incredibly hard and many are struggling but I wondered what your cafe/restaurant pet peeves are?

Mine include having only white sugar for coffee and no brown. It’s amazing how often this happens even in very nice cafes so I bought some brown sugar sachets to keep in my bag.

Margarine instead of butter. Of course they should offer margarine but I expect to be able to have butter(Unless I’m in a vegan cafe)

Teapots that drip everywhere.

This doesn’t really affect me but I always feel sorry for people who have coeliac disease when the only cake option is a brownie.

And a particularly petty one. When they remove my favourite item from a menu. I know that they have to change it sometimes but it’s so annoying when you can no longer get something that you’ve been ordering and enjoying regularly.

What are your little cafe/restaurant annoyances?

Ah no, there’s obviously more than one about! It’s in south east London.

For those who say they want their drinks HOT - the optimum milk heating temp is 65 degrees. Anything over 70 will cause the milk to burn do your barista isn’t giving you what you may perceive as a tepid coffee due to incompetence.

My only pet hate is sauce sachets that are unbranded and are from the cash & carry.

Yes! I bought my teapot specifically after being served tea at a restaurant where it blew my mind that it was a non drippy teapot for a change.

This is the same design of teapot for those for whom this is important, but mine is bright red enamel: https://stapeleyinteriors.co.uk/shop/enamelware-products/tea-and-coffee-pots/red-and-white-enamel-tea-pot/

I can't believe it took until page 3 before someone mentioned this crime against humanity. The most upsetting thing ever.

Ask for black coffee and thy still bring milk.

I hate finding a lovely independent cafe or restaurant that has a vegan option, but they don’t change it from one year to the next. I get it may only be viable to have one option at a time , but if you rotate it monthly or quarterly I have a reason to keep coming back !

I’m not a barista so I might be wrong and not a hygiene issue, but when you see staff wiping the nozzle thing on the coffee machine with a grotty looking cloth that just gets slapped back down beside the machine it makes me shudder.

One paper thin napkin per person and it being awkward to ask for more

Different prices for a large or medium tea when there is one teabag in the cup

Heating the cup with boiling water makes a real difference and I find that some don’t do that. I don’t like my coffee that hot (Unlike tea which I want boiling) but some coffee really is served tepid at best.

Glass mugs

’Deconstructed’ cup of tea (tea bag at side, little jug of milk, cup of water) (w.t.f)

Not allowing dogs

Where I am all the cafes seem to put the paper napkin under your toasted sandwich resulting in tissue getting stuck to the bread. Why not just put it on the side of the plate?

Stools or benches instead of proper chairs with backs. I find it very tough on my back.

When toast comes served with no butter and you have to ask for it.

I love sourdough so I’d probably not go back to a place serving ordinary white bread.

It’s to make washing up easier, but they really should send out a second napkin with the food.

95% of the other customers.

Shitty hot chocolate and chocolate cake that never taste of chocolate, just bland and sickeningly sweet.

Badly behaved children and animals, that the rest of us are supposed to find cute.

People who open the door but think it's OK to leave it wide open, freezing the tits off of anyone nearby.

Mainly coffee chains, but staff never listening
properly to your order because they're too busy worrying about "is that to eat in or take away today, guys?!". Get my order right first, THEN press the fucking button.

Not offering help yourself water

White vinegar instead of malt. (With you on brown sugar BTW)

Cheap white sliced bread.

Cafes with expensive coffee machines they dont know how to operate so everything comes out the same.

And for the love of all that is holy, I wish cafes would just STOP placing paper napkins under food like some kind of plate condom. What is the point of a soggy bit of paper under your food? The napkin is for me to clean myself, not protect the plate from the food.

See also: cafe owners who handle change whilst wearing food gloves. Ugh.

Oh and cafes with short and hard to pin down opening hours.

I forgot another. Cafes/restaurants who have social media or even a site and post everything but the bloody menu on it!

Teapots that spill

owners that only pay staff to the closing time meaning they start clearing and stocking chairs 30-45 minutes before closing.

dogs except service animals but I know they must make more from dog owners or they would not do it.

plastic cheese in cafes that charge more then next door greasy spoon.

I almost want to go to this cafe now just so that I can learn exactly what their idea of plain cheese is.

Dirty, dusty old Pretend flowers on the table next to filthy salt & pepper shaker and “reserved” signs.
Dirty, sticky menus and tables.

Crap on the floor under the table, not just crumbs but trodden in sandwich, a bit of cucumber, serviettes and dirty shoe marks.

BIG one for me, when the internal doors to kitchens, toilets, etc are filthy black where years of grime from hands pushing them open has built up. Around the door handles usually, same with light switches.

Dirty smelly toilets. But I especially hate that bit underneath hand dryers, there’s black dirty stains up the wall and on the tiles down to the floor.

Super hard wooden or plastic seats that are SO uncomfortable you can’t enjoy your tea.

Servers with their hair loose or hanging down, it knocks me sick to think of their hair dangling on the food.

Lack of windows or windows but all closed not letting fresh cool air in especially if I am seated in a window in the sun.

Staff standing around chatting behind the counter when every table needs clearing and cleaning. Unforgivable and the opposite of excellent customer service!

A new one this week - a cafe where you have to scan a QR code to download a menu. Literally no menu in the place!

Some annoyances from recent visits to different cafes:

-Worse than a latte glass, I was given a coffee in a small drinking glass. No handle and boiling hot to touch! I spent my rare treat of a nice coffee worrying the glass would shatter

-Seeing a brie, bacon and cranberry baguette on the menu. I don't eat meat so asked to have it without the bacon please. Nope, not allowed even though I wanted to just pay the normal price. Acted like I was trying to shaft them!

-Garlic bread ordered and it was actually a cheap pitta bread with a thin spreading of garlic butter on top. Never seen that and it wasn't good.

Coffee in a big cup with no saucer. I want somewhere to put my teaspoon!
The only sweetener being saccharin - I can't stand it.
No decaffeinated coffee option unless it's instant (yes Asda - I do mean you)

But one of the worst things - which seems to happen in what are meant to be quite nice restaurants as well - is the use of sprays to clean the tables right next to tables where people are eating.