What are the worst cafe crimes?

[TheLastSherbetLemonInTheJar]

Yes I know that running is a cafe is incredibly hard and many are struggling but I wondered what your cafe/restaurant pet peeves are?

Mine include having only white sugar for coffee and no brown. It’s amazing how often this happens even in very nice cafes so I bought some brown sugar sachets to keep in my bag.

Margarine instead of butter. Of course they should offer margarine but I expect to be able to have butter(Unless I’m in a vegan cafe)

Teapots that drip everywhere.

This doesn’t really affect me but I always feel sorry for people who have coeliac disease when the only cake option is a brownie.

And a particularly petty one. When they remove my favourite item from a menu. I know that they have to change it sometimes but it’s so annoying when you can no longer get something that you’ve been ordering and enjoying regularly.

What are your little cafe/restaurant annoyances?

Laptop wankers. I've started only going to cafes that don't have these as a couple of times they've earwigged on conversation and then commented on what a friend and I were talking about.
Never have any issues any more.

Thing is if places did all the different menus that people want they'd be moaning they get handed war and peace when they sit down -
Meat, vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan, gluten free, dairy free......... 6 menus "Humph I don't need all that!! I want a burger!!" Great, but there's no need to be so condescending and shitty about it because I don't know your preferences automatically within seconds of greeting you!

Not to mention that offering a massive range slows down service and storing it all becomes a problem in smaller places and adds to costs.

But then offering some core dishes on one menu with additional items available or removing/subbing certain items to make them V, Ve, GF, DF isn't good enough either because people whine that you should have separate dishes because it makes them feel unwanted and like an afterthought 🙄.

We've tried it all ways and nothing pleases everyone and the ones who aren't pleased, well, they behave like it's some sort of personal Vendetta against them and how stupid you are, they're a paying customer don't you know!!

People need to realise that these places weren't opened and planned to only cater for their preferences alone, they're designed and planned to cater for a lot of people at once and their every whim is unlikely to be able to be met, and if it's not, it's not personal.

Massive buckets of really weak coffee. Just use the same amount of coffee and less water and give me a normal size cup.

Grumpy staff who look at you as if they hate you, and make it obvious you irritate them [when you've done nothing but sit down].

If you don't like the job and hate customers don't work there.

There's a place I used to love that I will never go back because of this.

Some sanitiser sprays react with the varnish on wooden tables and leaves them sticky feeling

margarine? I haven’t seen that since I was living in the US in the 1970s!
And what’s with putting the napkin UNDER my croissant/muffin/cake? It’s now greasy and stuck to my cake. Also they bring over your (second) drink but don’t take away the dirty plates or used cups.
And no sweetener.

I am not keen on dogs in cafes but if you do let them in, please don't fuss them and then go back to food preparation/handling without washing your hands!

On the soup of the day thing, if you ask what it is, they never ever know, and always have to go and ask. Why do they not get told/why don't they check when they come on shift/the place opens?

I hope people who run cafes are looking at this thread :)

There are a few Marmite things (like allowing dogs - or not) but most are fixable and will please everyone.

Yes, wooden tables are pretty and give a certain vibe to a place but they need to be sealed to be hygienic and when you use something like D2 to clean it can react with the varnish and make them feel sticky when dry.

Or alternatively the experts on these threads can put their money where their mouth is and open up a place and show the rest of us how it's done?

One cup tea bags. Get a huge bag for cheap as chips cos they are CRAP! ten mins stirring ur wee pot and it’s still band as hell, only to try and pick it up with a mini cup u can’t actually get a finger threw the handle to hold onto. And get charged a fiver cos it has a ginger biscuit next to it.

I'm sorry to say that nowadays I really don't like dogs in cafes. I used not to mind them, even be quite pleased to see them, but lately there are so many and it's rare that they come in quietly, stay close to their owners and don't interact with anyone else. This weekend I was enjoying a quiet coffee with a friend when two dogs suddenly lurched at each other and started barking loudly, entangling their leads and causing people to take avoiding action.

And there is not one cafe in my nearest town, nor my next nearest, that doesn't encourage dogs, so I can't get away from them.

So they should buy sanitiser than doesn't then!

I’ve had the opposite experience. I’ve yet to encounter a dog misbehaving in a restaurant though obviously it happens. I’m usually frustrated because they ignore me when I really want to pet them.

But yes dogs are definitely a Marmite issue as another poster put it.

Dogs and sourdough. Both vile

Cold latte, when it is supposed to be a hot latte

Melting the cheese on jacket potatoes - instantly ruins them.

Music other than very quiet ambient/classical.

Only having posh soft drinks when I am craving a diet coke.

Tiny teapots and those shallow wide cups where the tea goes cold in no time. Waitrose cafe I'm talking about you.

Oh I would! Always say if I ever win one of those obscene lottery amounts (so obviously this is total pie in the sky) I would open a not for profit cafe and then also a pub and run it exactly how I think it should be. Each one will only allow dogs on a perhaps two days of the week. I would pay people a brilliant hourly rate. The coffee, wine and tea would be top notch but the prices would be fair. Separate kitchens on both for gluten free/allergy cooking with zero contamination. I’d actively lose money because the hobby would be getting it right and exactly how I want it.

I'll go opposite to this and say coffee/tea that's been heated to roughly the surface temperature of the sun, meaning I have to wait at least ten minutes for it to cool down before I can risk a sip. Just give me a standard hot coffee that I can start drinking within a minute!

On behalf of someone else

Dogs

Dogs & food do not mix

Oh come on, it's perfectly possible to clean tables, provide decent size milk jugs and tell people whether they need to order at the counter or not. Most of the things in this thread are not difficult!

Dealing with awkward people is a different issue but I don't think asking for enough milk for my tea or asking for a sign up to say "please order at counter" or "table service" is an unreasonable imposition.

@FanofLeaves well you've hit the nail on the head really, you'd make a loss, most people aren't in a position to keep losing money to meet the whim of every single customer that might or might not walk through the door. And people would still complain and tell you you're doing it wrong regardless.

"Well I didn't know despite the signage and communication that I can't bring my dog in on Wednesday/ that dogs are allowed in on Tuesday, I'm allergic don't you care about my allergies! Not good customer service!"

Someone will say your choice of wine and coffee is crap, someone else will hate your decor and ambience and the thing is they all will think that their way is the way it should be with no exceptions.

Most of the small businesses I've worked for in hospitality have gone into it with positivity and passion, but it knocks the stuffing out of you, the relentless hours, the constant negativity and then looking at what you've got at the end of it and simply realise it's not worth it.

@dynamiccactus then as I said, if it's not difficult why aren't more people doing it? Seems like there's a gap in the market for it to be done 'properly', however you define that, because you will always have someone else who thinks your 'properly' is absolutely disgusting, ridiculous, bad customer service.

A milk jug that you think is adequate someone else will say isn't, or is too much and you're wasting it, doesn't matter if you're halfway through cleaning a table, that customer demands your attention now, why were staff cleaning tables and ignoring customers? Why did I have to wait to be seated because they were cleaning a table? Why wasn't my bill brought the second I wanted it because they're too busy cleaning tables? There's clearly not enough staff, but I shouldn't have to pay anymore (or even as much as I am now) so there are enough staff to meet the demands I want met.

Quite simply the prices people want to pay don't match the level of service they demand.

I agree, and we see it on programs like The Hotel Inspector and Four in a Bed, that some owners simply never look at their business from a customer's point of view, i.e. a walk through as a customer, and miss things like too much/too little signage, lack of cleanliness, not knowing their target customer, etc.

An interesting case is our village bakery. I was the accountant to the previous owners who really struggled with it, barely made any profit (certainly not enough to cover NMW for the time they spent in it), often whining on the local Facebook page "use it or lose it", i.e. emotional blackmail rather than actually improving the business. Inevitably they sold it straight after the covid years. New owners are a breath of fresh air (also now my clients) - they shut it immediately upon buying it and changed the layout, moved counters and displays, etc., changed the colour scheme, furnishings, decorations, etc. When it re-opened after about a month, it had new opening hours, new menu, etc - they stopped selling loads of things, started selling loads of new things. Local Facebook was unhappy as old Mrs Smith couldn't get her favourite one loaf per week from there any more! I've just done the accounts for their second full trading year. Turnover and profits have trebled for the last full year compared with the last full year of trading under the old owners (pre covid) - on fewer opening hours - 5 days per week instead of 6, 6 hours per day instead of 8. The difference is that they were experienced in the food/hospitality trade (not a retired married couple who drifted into it with no experience as they thought they knew what people wanted!), and they targetted and captured a completely different demographic of customers - which is tradesmen and travelling workers/van drivers (as it's close to a major road), rather than the local villagers who just wanted a single/cheap cake etc - average customer spend has trebled as tradesmen/drivers want more and spend more than Mrs Miggins from round the corner!

Similar to the hotel inspector when she encourages failing hotels to tap into the contract worker market to get rooms occupied mon-thurs evenings by workers who need somewhere to stay whilst working away from home and have "easy" needs, such as a simple room, shower and simple quick breakfast, and aren't there during the days so no need for the owners to be present during the day time. Easy money compared to holiday makers who get up later, want more breakfast options, want better quality rooms, spend time in the hotel during the day, etc.