What are the worst cafe crimes?

[TheLastSherbetLemonInTheJar]

Yes I know that running is a cafe is incredibly hard and many are struggling but I wondered what your cafe/restaurant pet peeves are?

Mine include having only white sugar for coffee and no brown. It’s amazing how often this happens even in very nice cafes so I bought some brown sugar sachets to keep in my bag.

Margarine instead of butter. Of course they should offer margarine but I expect to be able to have butter(Unless I’m in a vegan cafe)

Teapots that drip everywhere.

This doesn’t really affect me but I always feel sorry for people who have coeliac disease when the only cake option is a brownie.

And a particularly petty one. When they remove my favourite item from a menu. I know that they have to change it sometimes but it’s so annoying when you can no longer get something that you’ve been ordering and enjoying regularly.

What are your little cafe/restaurant annoyances?

Cleaniness, and a big one from today - promoted as a cafe but absolutely nothing sweet but sugar, ie cooked breakfasts, jacket potatoes and toasted sandwiches. A local cafe went out of business recently here, with three other locals surviving - lovely clean quirky cafe, but cakes where mainly pastries and only savoury pastries for lunch - so little variety and those with dietary requirements weren't catered for at all.

Tables too close to other tables so no privacy at all. Hate it when you're on top of someone else!

Rubbish hot chocolate.

Music too loud.

No serviettes or tap water to help yourself to.

Teapots that only hold enough tea for one tiny brew.
Cups with handles that can’t accommodate anybody who isn’t a piano-playing hand model.
Frozen cash n carry sausages.

No vegan options
Coffee served to hot or worse burnt
Small and pokey so you can’t really move around

Hot drinks that are tepid at best! Hot drinks should be HOT!!

Closing just at the time you're (I'm) most likely to want to go for a tea / coffee (about 4-5pm)

Starting to close before the actual closing time - putting stuff away, sweeping around people's feet, stacking chairs, only using take-away cups

+1 to not clearing tables

Using one of those "do you want to leave a tip?" screens but with nothing below 15% (yes, I know I don't have to leave anything, but.....)

This ^

Oh this for sure! One cafe in town does this so I always order cappuccino there instead.

Sachets of sauce and vinegar

People working on laptops taking up the best tables for hours on one cup of tea. Especially at lunch times.

Plastic cheese, plastic ham.
Toasted sandwiches that are barely melted.
Cafe that are all hard surfaces so the sound bounces and seems super loud.
Rectangular plates or odd shape plates so it is really hard to balance your cutlery on it while eating.
Giant scones that are raw in the centre.
The milk being steamed at too high a temp so the milk tastes gone off.
Tables not being cleaned properly or in the case of one local cafe here they spray the table while you are sitting there eating.

Cafés that only have large tables so it gets too full too quickly. No I do not want to sit on the "chatty table".

If I go to a café I want a wanky coffee that I don't make at home please do not scrimp on the syrup.

A certain coffee chain every time I go in there pretty much every branch I have been in the toilets are foul.

I don't expect the red carpet treatment for a cup of coffee - but please say hello ask my order and give me the price and stop chatting shit to your colleague.

Fake cream or cream from an aerosol can. Whip it or buy clotted. Anything else is disgusting, especially with scones.

When it’s so overcrowded that you can’t stand up without sticking your bum in some poor sod’s scrambled egg.

Lack of vegan options. In a non vegan cafe I don't expect tons of choice but vegan spread, oat milk, one vegan sandwich filling and one cake option isn't much to ask for.

Also cheap brands of ketchup and baked beans.

Not giving extra hot water for a tea pot top up. Maybe a nice to have….

Dirty tables
Dirty toilets
Not enough staff
Running out of menu items an hour into service
Doing obvious 'shutting up shop' activities over 30 minutes prior to closing

For the dirty tables one, I get it when all the tables are dirty, but a dirty table has some kind of magical magnetic force, you start clearing the only dirty table, but not being an octopus you can't collect it all in one go and can't wipe it because you've got your hands full, return from potwash to finish and despite having 10 other clean & reset tables, where do people usually choose to sit? On the dirty one you're in the middle of clearing. And then huff and puff it's not clear and needs wiping.

It's not even a case of it always happens on the best table, it can be any table, one of life's mysteries!

You’ve just reminded me of a strange encounter I had cafe I had a few months back, they didn’t have what I wanted on the menu when I came to order so I said I’d have a cheese and tomato panini but asked what type of cheese it was, I thought that was a normal question. I got told ‘plain’ cheese I said what’s plain cheese, cheddar? and he said no just plain and then the lady who worked with him looked at me as if I had two heads and said they’ve never been asked about what cheese before and tutted. I felt really bad so just shut up and ordered. Turns out the cheese was ‘plain’ cheese i couldn’t work out what the hell it was apart from bland!

No gluten or dairy free options. Or if there’s a gluten free toastie or panini I’m then stuck with what filling to get because everything comes with cheese. It’s even worse when people don’t know what gluten free is as was my case the other day. I could’ve had an omelette but I can make that myself at home for far less and if I’m paying a fiver for one then I’d rather have a full breakfast for 50p more

I go in one like this with a friend (could be same one except no play corner) they also open the doors in winter at 3.30. Last time we were there we decided it was the last time due to the aggressive sweeping, we felt really uncomfortable and resented like we should be doing our own sweeping!

I mean when most/all of the tables are dirty. I can sympathise with you on some awkward people deciding to sit at the only dirty table. I wouldn’t do that and I do expect a table or two to be dirty as people are coming and going constantly and staff are busy but some places just have a general air of filth which is a definite no imo.

Me too.

I don’t like people serving in sleeveless tops - I thought that was a no-no in catering? Also when I see food prep and especially dough or cake making with nail polish on.

Not having at least one table that can you get a wheelchair to!