What are the worst cafe crimes?

[TheLastSherbetLemonInTheJar]

Yes I know that running is a cafe is incredibly hard and many are struggling but I wondered what your cafe/restaurant pet peeves are?

Mine include having only white sugar for coffee and no brown. It’s amazing how often this happens even in very nice cafes so I bought some brown sugar sachets to keep in my bag.

Margarine instead of butter. Of course they should offer margarine but I expect to be able to have butter(Unless I’m in a vegan cafe)

Teapots that drip everywhere.

This doesn’t really affect me but I always feel sorry for people who have coeliac disease when the only cake option is a brownie.

And a particularly petty one. When they remove my favourite item from a menu. I know that they have to change it sometimes but it’s so annoying when you can no longer get something that you’ve been ordering and enjoying regularly.

What are your little cafe/restaurant annoyances?

Another. Tinned mushrooms instead of fresh.

And if you advertise a Scottish breakfast then I expect there to be something obviously Scottish about it like Lorne sausage and a potato scone. A piece of Stornaway black pudding or haggis wouldn’t go amiss either.

Cheese maters! It's like if you order nachos and they say 'comes with cheese' when they should say 'comes with horrible cloying fake florescent yellow nacho cheese sauce'. Annoys me no end!

I love cafes - posted about this on another thread!

my Particular dislikes are dirty uncleared tables, spill master special tea pots, sticky menus, uncomfortable cheap chairs, ambience ( I like background music and newspapers and local magazines) and an air of ‘well kept’ ) grotty loos and unswept crap on floors.

I hate dirty tables, especially when you walk in and every table still has all the plates and leftovers etc from the previous people.

Dribbly teapots.

There was a Tesco ad on this site yesterday about 'focaccia paninis'. Criminal!

When tea comes as a teabag in an empty cup alongside a rapidly cooling pot of tepid water.

non-italian people who unironically use the word panino

Sticky tables
Sticky menus
Sticky condiment bottles
Dogs
No napkin dispensers so you have to make do with the lone one they deem to provide with the food
Rank toilets with broken locks and, of course, inevitably no loo roll and no soap
No butter/spread on breakfast buns

I like a good old-fashioned greasy spoon caff: big mug of tea, kitkats instead of home-made cakes, being called love or ducks, and low prices.

I also like a poncy doo-da experience with table service, high standards of hygiene, delicious food options, nice china and good toilets.

What I hate is a mix-up between the two: greasy spoons that think throwing a bit of avocado around justifies high prices, or posh places that don't take care of the basics of good service.

What about when they wrap the cutlery tightly in a flimsy napkin and “seal” it - by the time you’ve picked at it you’ve just got a few wafty shreds of tissue left (or is that just me?) 😂

Cake placed on top of the napkin so napkin is instantly unusable!!

Pricing listed as 2.5 instead of 2.50.

No salt and pepper on the tables. Why is it being rationed?

Tinned macaroni cheese. Dreadful stuff. Why not serve home made?!

Making all vegetarian food into vegan. I get that it's easier for planning, but many vegetarians eat cheese, eggs, general dairy.

No alternatives to bloody peas. Please buy a bag of frozen sweetcorn or something.

Waiting staff wearing leggings - especially gym style tight bum leggings. I'm sitting at roughly your waist height, I don't want to be able to see your separate butt cheeks passing close to my face.

Sticky tables (and bars) give me the rage.

I did YEARS in the service industry. There's no excuse for many substandard elements of poor service and poor cleanliness.

I’m saying this as someone who works in a cafe….customers asking for their coffee extra hot, the machine produces boiling water, it can’t be made any hotter. Sitting at a dirty table when they’re are 10 others available. It was vacated a minute ago give us a chance to clean it. Also moving dirty shit onto a clean table arrgggghhhhh stop doing that shit it’s fucking rude and then we have to re wipe the clean table you put all the dirty shit onto!
understand what coffee you are ordering….ill have a cappuccino…oh it’s too frothy! It’s a frothy coffee!!! Etc etc the amount of times I have to explain coffee because you order the wrong one and get mad at me and become rude because I’ve given you what you’ve asked for

One of those crappy automated coffee machines which use powdered milk.

When the cakes are all mass produced and/or overly sweet.

And worst of all when the cakes/treats are just combinations of different confectionary bars mixed with chocolate as opposed to actual baked goods made from first principles. Grim, I genuinely don't get why these are so popular... making cakes from ultra processed sweties?!

Wobbly tables or chairs 😬

Dirty toilets
dirty tables
dogs on chairs or worse eating from tables.
no dairy free cake or sandwich option ( vegan is not the same )

Stopping serving anything but cake after 14.00.
Closing at 15.00
Only opening for four days a week in summer and three in winter so that essentially there is an empty shop on the high street for half the time.
Putting 'reserved' notices on tables that are not actually reserved, they just don't want three people on a four-person table or one person on a two-person table.

There's one cafe I know that does all of the above and it grinds my gears: I used to be a good and regular customer and took all my friends there, now I eat there a couple of times a year, maximum. They run it like a paying hobby.

Margarine instead of butter.

Sourdough or brioche instead of just good normal bread.

UHT milk instead of fresh.

If they have a fridge full of cold cans and bottles then please have sparkling water! Its not like it goes off.

Ridiculously large slices of cake. They dont usually taste as normal ones anyway.

For me, offering a GF cake but putting it right next to something containing gluten AND using the tongs/cake slice covered in gluten to plate it up.
I've gotten used to having a packet of crisps with my cup of tea 🙄

@FanofLeaves does it begin with B..? Same near me and why they seem to actively turn away the after school run trade is beyond me.

In fact, my biggest pet peeve is when staff act like they are doing you a favour, generally.

When the staff just clear the table without cleaning it, or just wipe it with a grubby cloth.
Crumbs on the seats.

When the only sweet gluten-free item is a brownie. It’s the last thing I want at 9am.

Few places offer gluten free scones

Hell yes. I’d rather walk past and go elsewhere.