He’s hit me and I don’t know what to do

[ThinkINeedHelp]

I’m crying and I probably won’t make much sense but please try to help me see straight.
Had an awful evening. I know it started as my fault. I was cross as trying to house train two puppies but it’s been a bad day with them today. I was a bit annoyed and swore. I didn’t swear at anyone, it was a case of oh ffs, this is getting ridiculous.

He was angry with me and we argued. It’s eventually ended up with him grabbing my wrists, shoving me against the bedroom wall and then hitting me in the face. My nose hurts, so does my shoulder.

I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house. I’m so utterly pathetic.i can’t drive as I’ve had two glasses of wine but come tomorrow I’ll have to leave.
I’ve allowed myself to end up in this position , I’m in my late 50’s and I can’t believe I’ve been so bloody stupid.

I think I speak for all of us when I say that we need to see photos of the garden!

Please do me a favour….he’s been abusive and violent. Please please please don’t go to the house alone to collect any more of your belongings x

I agree, I would love to see before if you have them and after photos, but do realise it could be outing for you ?

Probably sitting there with mounds of washing that needs doing, scratching his head.

Do NOT show us any photos of anything, lovely.

I garden too, and share love over your new garden. Enjoy xx

Thanks for updating, so good that you are having so many healing experiences. You are no doubt still in need of plenty of healing and recuperation, enjoy it.

Don’t let the offer of the stuff hang around in your head and don’t fall for a ploy to get you to meet. Decide what you are going to do about it then forget it. You can leave it all and never be in touch again if you want.

If you do want all of it or some of it, he’s going through a phase of being nice, tell him to pack it up, send a list of must-have items and organise a van to collect it.

Be explicit with the van company that you don’t want them to engage with him or to give him any information about you/you do not give them permission to disclose any of your personal data intentionally or otherwise. Maybe choose a company that can offer to store the stuff for a bit, then have it taken there and then either get it delivered later or have a sort out at the storage place.

Every time he is nice, remember all the words he used on you to break you down, and learn to love the feeling you get from people being nice to you simply because they like you, respect you and love you.

I'm glad you are getting settled and the garden is coming on well, @ThinkINeedHelp
I am sure he's keeping things exactly as when you left, because he cannot comprehend how you could possibly have left him. You don't need any of that stuff and you've told him that (or it could have been one of the offspring) so put it and him out of your mind for good.

Sadly I don’t think putting photos of the garden is a good idea.
The lawn is roughly a quarter of the original size, also it’s now round and more towards a corner. We’ve done some stepping stones, put obelisks in place for some climbers and a rose arch.
The colours are mainly very soft, lots of green, creamy white, gentle pinks and lemon, plus lavender.
There are viburnums, box balls, hostas, ferns. Hydrangeas, Annabelle and runaway bride, roses, delphiniums, lavenders, some grasses, heuchera, honeysuckle and clematis. There are pots with Mexican feather grass, lavender, Erigeron and rosemary, runaway bride in large pots on the patio.
Yesterday we planted a crab apple tree, two climbing roses that are growing up the rose arch and there will be a bench underneath it, that still needs sanding and painting though.

Talking to sb about my belongings yesterday, he asked if I really wanted/needed any of it. Sounds a bit dramatic but he said that if everything was lost in a fire, then I couldn’t get it back. I know what he means and I agree. I have what I have and I don’t see the point in being upset about it or putting myself through the hassle of trying to get some of it back.

Last night was a really good evening, there were nine of us in total. Had a great meal plus a few drinks and lots of laughter. I’ve been invited to lunch next Sunday by the wife of one of the friends that sb is going fishing with, I think that’s a kind gesture, let’s call her Jane. Jane is very friendly and seems easy going, sb has known her for years and thinks we will get on very well.

Oh wow the garden sounds fantastic ! you have been so busy !

3 weeks tomorrow since you started this thread and it sounds like you have another friendship beginning with Jane.

'I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house'

Look at the last 2 weeks and 6 days - you are not homeless, you did contact sb and he has proved you do have family, you now have friendships - next door neighbour, you have a job !!! and you no longer live in his house !!! which is the best bit of all you did it you left him.

and yoga ! and don't I recall something about a fun art class.

You've been away for a weekend and are thinking of a city break.

You are doing brilliantly, and as the garden grows so are you.

Great update OP ..... and stuff is just stuff !!! A year from now you won't even remember what any of it was. Stuff is replaceable. Fantastic that you have a potential new friend in Jane. You'd forgotten that this is how life is supposed to be. The oniy way is up. So happy for you.

@ThinkINeedHelp

Oh, the garden sounds fab!

Nothing from the 'old place' = a completely new life. And that's a great thing!

Great update OP.
My daughter adore vintage shops....what we call charity shops.
She comes home with the most incredible stuff for so little. She is super glamorous and has great taste, but likes to be a little different but classic.
Seek out those shops for an inexpensive new wardrobe, you won't be disappointed I bet.
A fresh start with a new look.
You deserve it.

What's particularly lovely to me about this thread is that I hope other women in similar situations to the one op started in will find it and take hope that there are better futures out there for them x

How are you @ThinkINeedHelp ...hope all continues to be well ! How was the lunch with Jane :-)

How’s it going OP?

Yes hope everything is ok

Gosh, I’m sorry I haven’t been back on for a while. I didn’t want to bore anyone
Things have been going well. I’m loving working. Yoga is great. I’ve got two trips away booked with sb, Budapest and Vienna.
Sb friend, the skip man, had asked me to do his garden, I honestly thought he was joking at first but it turns out he was serious. It’s hard work but enjoyable and he’s helping quite a bit and I’ve got him doing the heavy stuff.

Jane is lovely, a real laugh and I’m enjoying her company.
Things are going so well, I feel like a different person. Life is good, I’m so happy.

And I'm so happy for you OP..... go and enjoy your new life..... you've only good things ahead. All the very best for the future. You deserve everything that's happening.

Fab update!

Lovely update. I’m so pleased things have turn out so well for you. You deserve to be happy and do all the lovely things you have been denied doing for years. It’s so good to know you are safe and happy. 🌺

I was thinking of you today! Great to see you are doing well. 🌺

Such a lovely update. So so delighted for you.

❤️ love this

Lovely update. So pleased for you 💖
I hope if anyone else is reading this in a similar position to you were, this may give them the hope & push they need to take that brave step like you did.

I have been wondering about you too, it's so lovely to read your update, I couldn't be happier for you !