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Original poster

He’s hit me and I don’t know what to do

719 replies

ThinkINeedHelp · 15/06/2025 23:01

I’m crying and I probably won’t make much sense but please try to help me see straight.
Had an awful evening. I know it started as my fault. I was cross as trying to house train two puppies but it’s been a bad day with them today. I was a bit annoyed and swore. I didn’t swear at anyone, it was a case of oh ffs, this is getting ridiculous.

He was angry with me and we argued. It’s eventually ended up with him grabbing my wrists, shoving me against the bedroom wall and then hitting me in the face. My nose hurts, so does my shoulder.

I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house. I’m so utterly pathetic.i can’t drive as I’ve had two glasses of wine but come tomorrow I’ll have to leave.
I’ve allowed myself to end up in this position , I’m in my late 50’s and I can’t believe I’ve been so bloody stupid.

OP posts:
BreezyPombear · 15/06/2025 23:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Haggisfish3 · 15/06/2025 23:32

Please contact your friends and ask if they can help. I would gladly help an old friend with a place to stay for a couple of months.

knowifIcando · 15/06/2025 23:33

Have you got any money at all, OP? Any siblings or cousins you could call on to stay with temporarily? The Council should house you given you’re homeless but if you had somewhere to go in the morning that would be better.

Original poster
ThinkINeedHelp · 15/06/2025 23:37

@BreezyPombear sadly he won’t be lovely. I’ll get the silent treatment at first, then he’ll tell me I’ve brought it all up on myself and that he’s no sympathy. He’ll tell me what an absolute state I look because I’ve been crying. He’ll laugh at me being upset. He’ll tell me to pack my bags , that it’s his house and I’ve no rights to be here. It will be my fault he hit me and that he’s not violent.

OP posts:
jannier · 15/06/2025 23:41

ThinkINeedHelp · 15/06/2025 23:37

@BreezyPombear sadly he won’t be lovely. I’ll get the silent treatment at first, then he’ll tell me I’ve brought it all up on myself and that he’s no sympathy. He’ll tell me what an absolute state I look because I’ve been crying. He’ll laugh at me being upset. He’ll tell me to pack my bags , that it’s his house and I’ve no rights to be here. It will be my fault he hit me and that he’s not violent.

Edited

He says things but it doesn't make them true it's all part of coercive control. Stay strong you can do this.

Original poster
ThinkINeedHelp · 15/06/2025 23:46

Ive absolutely no family. My sister died many years ago, Parents have passed away. Two step brothers, one now lives abroad and we haven’t really spoken for a few years.
The friend I was closest too is on holiday for two weeks with her grown up children and grandchildren and another who went through similar to me many years ago is now living at the opposite end of the country. I’m extremely embarrassed about my situation tbh, I’ve been a complete idiot. I do have some money though, several thousand but I’m worried sick about what the future holds.

OP posts:
Lilymay1991 · 15/06/2025 23:48

You should call the police or go online and report it now like others have suggested, (but i’m worried that because you sound like you have been in this abusive relationship for so long) you will doubt yourself and won’t do it in the morning if you leave it.
Have your neighbours heard these things before? Could they help or call the police for you?
Do you have bruising and marks on your face or body? If so take a picture of them now, incase you don’t report this time (if you’re worried about him looking at your phone you can hide them in a hidden folder)
But please please if you’re feeling like you can this time get some help, this is not your fault, you haven’t done anything wrong, he is abusing and controlling you. Many abusers are charming and the police should see through that. They maybe able to put you in touch with somewhere safe you can go.
please keep us all updated x

Watermelown · 15/06/2025 23:48

Sweetheart please report this to the police. You already know and have said exactly how this is going to play out from your experience. You need to make the call. Online reporting might not be as effective. Please, please do this and get yourself safe. You cannot let this escalate any further. He could kill you. One wrong angled punch and that could easily be it.

Agapornis · 15/06/2025 23:50

The future holds better days in the certainty that he won't be there.

Can you make a GP appointment to talk about it? The only person that should be embarrassed is him. It means you'll also have some medical evidence of the injuries should you ever want to pursue that.

But I'd start looking at flats to rent on Rightmove and book in some viewings.

ThreeLocusts · 15/06/2025 23:52

OP your partner sounds horrendous. What a swine. Women end up with abusive men for all sorts of reasons, don't blame yourself. Happened to my mother twice, and she was smart and loyal and kind.

He's worn you down. Just get yourself away frpm him with the help of refuge or similar, so you can start feeling better. Take it a day at a time. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

cordeliavorkosigan · 15/06/2025 23:52

The future will improve, for sure for sure.
I really hope you get help and get out, op, this is so scary.

healthybychristmas · 15/06/2025 23:53

Are you married?

RosesAndHellebores · 15/06/2025 23:54

Photograph the injuries
Report the attack in the morning
The alcohol should be through your system by about 3am - if it was only two glasses - you could go to the police station then.
Can you quietly pack a little bag, get your passport and banking stuff together, etc., and just go.

Are you married to him?

Iamnotalemming · 15/06/2025 23:55

I would second the idea to go to GP to record injuries and ask for support. There are organisations out there who can help you get on your feet away from him.

@MNHQ please can you post some domestic abuse support links for the OP?

Original poster
ThinkINeedHelp · 15/06/2025 23:59

I honestly doubt myself at times. I’m positive that the main reason he suggested getting two puppies is because he knew I’d started looking for a job.
He’s 10 years older than me, when he sold his business he wanted me to stay home with him.
Obviously this was an easy option but if something I say doesn’t suit him he’ll say “ would you speak to your boss like that” or “get a job”
I started applying for jobs a few months ago and then he suddenly suggested getting the puppies, he then said “well if we’re getting them it means you won’t be able to go to work’

OP posts:
AmelieSummer25 · 16/06/2025 00:00

Oh love, it's not your fault at all.

pack your most important documents ' things either now or as soon as you wake up.

Font change your mind jn the morning. You CSN do this, there is help out there, you CAN 'start again'. I'm your age s ok I understand how daunting it is, but you CAN do it

we are all hrs behind you!!

Imbusytodaysorry · 16/06/2025 00:01

@ThinkINeedHelp if you leave you will get help to be housed . Therapy and support. you will be safe and your confidence will grow .
You will be free and you will make friends .

Do you have any right to the house at all?
How have you ended up not working and for how long ?
Please don’t do nothing. Seek help or is out there .

MrsMoastyToasty · 16/06/2025 00:01

You wouldn't allow a stranger to hit you in the face snd get away with it. Don't let the fact that he is supposed to be your partner stop you from reporting him to the police.

AmelieSummer25 · 16/06/2025 00:02

Try a breed rescue to see if they can look after the puppies while you get sorted.

actuallg you should try ggd breeder first IF they're a good breeder.

Wowwee1234 · 16/06/2025 00:03

I used to volunteer with womens aid.

  1. If / when safe, get your passport, any cash, bank cards a few toiletries, sanitary stuff if you need it, bag of clothes together. Write down any important personal phone numbers.
  2. Call a DA helpline. They will get you somewhere safe, quickly. Not saying how of this forum, but they can.
  3. Use their support. They can provide counselling, support with drinking etc (if needed), and rehousing, legal etc. All available.. Have an image of who and where you want to be. You will get there
  4. DO NOT get back in touch with him.
  5. He has isolated you, but you can get through this and rebuild. It is possible. Believe in yourself.

2 women a week are killed by partners or ex-partners. Please leave. We don't want you to be one of them.

Take care. Let us know when you are safe please x

ThunderRoads · 16/06/2025 00:04

Please try not to get hung up on the fact that you parted ways with friends and family and you feel away from them- I understand mainly because of him! Please reach out to them, I am pretty sure they will be happy to hear from you and will try to help you out. You deserve much better than him, please believe in yourself and believe in your friends and family!

Nanny0gg · 16/06/2025 00:04

ThinkINeedHelp · 15/06/2025 23:20

He’s always held this house over me.
Oh if it’s so bad then you know where the door is. He’s been right that I didn’t have the guts to leave.
I literally don’t have one person in real life.

I assume you're not married?

He's done a lovely job of isolating you but this is all about to change.

Do try and log it all with the police when you can.

And if there is any problem with him letting you leave, then ring them straight away

Original poster
ThinkINeedHelp · 16/06/2025 00:05

To answer some questions
No we’re not married
Its his house, I moved in with him.
I worked at his business for several years before he sold up. He wanted to retire and wanted me to be home with him. I haven’t worked for five years.
Seeing it written down like this really shows me for the total idiot I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThinkINeedHelp · 16/06/2025 00:10

I’m in the spare room so can’t get to my clothes and stuff until morning. I have my bank cards but all my online banking is on my phone, he bought me it at Christmas, last week he threatened to take it from me and give it to his daughter.

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 16/06/2025 00:10

ThinkINeedHelp · 15/06/2025 23:18

Thank you all so much for being so lovely

I’m 58 next week. My friends have disappeared over the last twenty years I’ve been with him.
He hasn’t liked any of them, didn’t like my dad, or step brothers. Wasn’t keen on my step mum either.
How the hell do I start again from this? No job no home.

Hi, small steps don’t worry about the bigger things or as you say how do you start again.
It’s firstly so important that you know how bad it is, and you have had enough. You need to take some advice, in regards to leaving as easily and safely as possible.
He really should be reported to the police, but I get it from experience, how hard it is to make that call in that moment. But to definantly consider reporting him.

It seems yes he has, bit by bit isolated you from others. But you will be able to reach out to people at least, and I’m sure there will be some who will understand.

Do you work? If you have nowhere to go especially as you are escaping domestic abuse, you can receive help.