He’s hit me and I don’t know what to do

[ThinkINeedHelp]

I’m crying and I probably won’t make much sense but please try to help me see straight.
Had an awful evening. I know it started as my fault. I was cross as trying to house train two puppies but it’s been a bad day with them today. I was a bit annoyed and swore. I didn’t swear at anyone, it was a case of oh ffs, this is getting ridiculous.

He was angry with me and we argued. It’s eventually ended up with him grabbing my wrists, shoving me against the bedroom wall and then hitting me in the face. My nose hurts, so does my shoulder.

I’m now going to be homeless. I’ve no family, no friends anymore, don’t work and I live in his house. I’m so utterly pathetic.i can’t drive as I’ve had two glasses of wine but come tomorrow I’ll have to leave.
I’ve allowed myself to end up in this position , I’m in my late 50’s and I can’t believe I’ve been so bloody stupid.

@ThinkINeedHelp

I agree with your decision not to respond to his DD and I think you should maintain that silence. You've already told her that you weren't going to discuss your leaving with her and that the fact that you slipped out without notice and with only two bags spoke for itself. She knows all she needs to know.

I can think of two reasons why she may want to speak to you; 1-she's a flying monkey or 2-he's now making demands on her 'time and attention' and she wants you to come back so he'll leave her alone.

I'm so glad you are having such a wonderful time in your 'new life'. Enjoy the work on the garden and then sit back and enjoy the view!

This is such an uplifting thread. So happy to see someone break the cycle of abuse and just build herself a new, peaceful life. Well done to you and your brother for being there.

I was in a similar situation to you last year OP. And whilst I was homeless and worrying frantically about the lies ex told people I saw this quote and it has stuck with me ever since :

The people that mind don’t matter and the people that matter don’t mind
xx

I hope the wine came out of your clothes! Worth it for a free skip :-)
It sounds to have been a lovely weekend. Good on you! It's deserved and long overdue.
About the ex and flying monkeys. Block as many as you can find of his offspring on social media. Don't leave any gaps for them to try to worm their way in.

2 weeks ago you started this thread.
just 2 weeks ago

and now look at you !

I’m 66 and I’m on my own no family or should I say the girls are daddy’s girls 45yrs old and 37. I left him because of emotional abuse and finical abuse. Yesterday I found out he had lied to me for 40 years about his pension his 1st wife has a share. It’s hard I’m broke all the time I’m fighting for a divorce and sale of house but I have peace. I was homeless for 4 months but I now have peace.
im not cleaning cooking ironing running after them all for not even a thankyou I have peace,
chin up you will make it

As an aside Vanish Soap Bar is great at getting red wine out of white clothes.

Such good news! Good for you!

you have found your old life, as your SB has seen You’re bloody Amazing
Look how far you’ve come in just two weeks!!
Your new life beckons!
I think you’re very wise leaving your stuff behind
It is just stuff which can be replaced now you have all the documents you need
im only a stranger on the internet but your story has moved me so much
Raising a glass🥂to you., Wonderful stranger

So your ex's response is that he hit you and called you disgusting, degrading names, but now he's realised that there have been some negative consequences for him, he probably won't do it any more so you need to come back? Fuck that shit!

I bet he is wondering where this feisty, independent and brave woman has come from. You are an inspiration!

F

hope all going well for you still OP.

@ThinkINeedHelp

Did you go to Yoga ? it was going to be one evening this week, I think.

Sorry I haven’t been back for a few days. Worked an extra day this week, been busy with getting the garden sorted, three more trips to get extra compost and we filled the skip! We’ve got a delivery of plants tomorrow and once they’re in, sb will pressure wash the patio.

Yoga was Tuesday evening, had a panic on Monday afternoon as I’d not got around to getting some leggings and a fitted top, so had to dash out to get some. I’ve not done yoga since my 20’s, I enjoyed it and will definitely keep going to classes.

Tomorrow evening I’m going out for a meal and drinks with sb and a few of the people from the bbq last week. Looking forward to that.

Received an email Wednesday from the ex
It said that he hopes I’m ok, that he is sorry, and that he won’t get rid of my things as he is hoping I change my mind, that the door is open for me.
I still find it all a bit difficult to believe if I’m honest. Hard to think that I lived like that for so long but also that it’s over.

My sb has suggested that we look at booking a city break, probably September, I quite fancy Budapest, I think we will be sorting it over the next few days.
He’s away next weekend on a fishing trip so it will be a bit strange being on my own, I’ve booked manicure, my nails are pretty grim from all the gardening and I might go out for lunch somewhere.
All in all I’m fine, I think, still getting used to my new life.

Wishing you all a good weekend x

Good to hear from you! Budapest is lovely, I got a very cheap air bnb with my sister, 2 bed, there last Feb. Lots to see. And cheap flights.

Good to hear you’re doing fabulously OP.
Sounds like ex is trying to hoover you back in: pull the plug on that one!
Have a great weekend!

Yeah, course he's sorry. He's sorry he lost his maid, and punching bag.

Evening OP, sounds like you have inspired (and done a lot of the work) for one summer garden make-over.

Has SB got a local library card? You could get an escape read out for next weekend? Or research city break away? Many possibilities.

Block the ex's email OP. If changing your mobile number isn't a big enough of a hint he is dumb as well as nasty. Still one email, in which he can't be abusive because you know then it's a paper trail is a considerable improvement to many missed calls.

You are a different woman, the woman who left is in the past now.

Have another wonderful summer's weekend.

Oh he's kicking himself, nasty bullying thug.
I hope he has a miserable lonely future.
Its all he deserves.

@ThinkINeedHelp

Glad things are going so well for you.

Yep, it's 'hoover time'. I will say that if you feel strong enough 'within yourself' and sb can come with and help, this may be the right time to get anything from the house that you want. Sometimes they so want to impress you with their 'niceness' and 'change' and think that if they're cooperative you'll have second thoughts. Sometimes...not so much. But it's worth a try if there are things you're really regretting leaving behind.

I stumbled upon this thread and couldn’t not just pop a comment on to say how bloody happy it made me to read through your journey - you have been brave and I wish you nothing but the best for the future

You are doing great OP. Released from the chains!!! And so amazing to hear how you are flourishing. You'd just forgotten that life can actually be good. And you have clearly been a great boost for your SB as well. You have made a big difference to his life too. He's obviously enjoying your company and help too. Get that city break booked. Block the ex from your email. And have a great pampering weekend next week. You deserve it.

I hope other ladies in your position can draw strength from how well you are adjusting.

Thanks everyone. I can’t say it’s easy, I still wake up some nights, wondering where I am, then a, well I suppose it is a fear, washes over me. I’ve cried, but it won’t change anything.

The garden project has been an absolute godsend, something I can really focus on. I loved doing it and it’s looking great, even if I do say so myself

You are doing amazing, I’m so pleased things have turn out, the way they have. I’m sure the garden is amazing! 🌺