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Original poster

I'm scared

450 replies

Underthesea65 · 03/02/2024 17:51

I know there's no magical answer but I just need to get my thoughts out. Sorry. I'm terminally ill. I'm 38 with an amazing DH, one adult daughter and one nearly adult daughter (19 and 17). I've just spent three weeks in hospital getting blood transfusions and iron infusions and currently I head to the emergency day procedure every three days for more. I have scope tests amd another procedure next Sunday. I'm in agonising pain, even with the highest dose morphine. I can do nothing for myself. I can't stop crying. I know there's people in far worse positions than me but I'm just struggling so badly at the moment. I know this thread is completely pointless to everyone reading it, but I just needed to vent, sorry

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
ApolloandDaphne · 10/02/2024 04:56

I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. Flowers

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 10/02/2024 05:03

ApolloandDaphne · 10/02/2024 04:56

I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. Flowers

Thank you. Just taking it an hour at a time at the moment. And when I'm not too tired, candy crush is a great distraction lol

OP posts:
whateveryouwantmetosay · 10/02/2024 05:09

Thinking of you OP 💕
Download the other candy crush games! That will for sure keep you busy once you run out of lives!

FarmGirl78 · 10/02/2024 05:30

Hi OP.
Just thought I'd drop in to say hi if you need company. I've had a (reasonably small) house fire today and so everything smells of smoke, including me!! I'm washed and scrubbed but it's still all I can smell so I'm getting paranoid now. Just can't sleep with all the adrenaline I think.

Anyway lovely, I don't know if anyone else has said this, but this struck me in your first post - you said it was pointless you posting. NOPE you got that wrong!! It's not pointless if you're getting it off your chest. Its not pointless if you're having a rant. Even if you're getting nice posts back from people, even if you're just sounding out to an empty (chat)room because we're all asleep its 100% definitely NOT pointless. 😁 You got that?

I'm listening if you want to chat.
(I'll be 100% honest, I've literally not had a minute of sleep, but you watch, now I've said I'm here I'll no doze right off!)

Lwrenn · 10/02/2024 06:11

FarmGirl78 · 10/02/2024 05:30

Hi OP.
Just thought I'd drop in to say hi if you need company. I've had a (reasonably small) house fire today and so everything smells of smoke, including me!! I'm washed and scrubbed but it's still all I can smell so I'm getting paranoid now. Just can't sleep with all the adrenaline I think.

Anyway lovely, I don't know if anyone else has said this, but this struck me in your first post - you said it was pointless you posting. NOPE you got that wrong!! It's not pointless if you're getting it off your chest. Its not pointless if you're having a rant. Even if you're getting nice posts back from people, even if you're just sounding out to an empty (chat)room because we're all asleep its 100% definitely NOT pointless. 😁 You got that?

I'm listening if you want to chat.
(I'll be 100% honest, I've literally not had a minute of sleep, but you watch, now I've said I'm here I'll no doze right off!)

Im so sorry to hear this! Sending you love as well 💐

@Underthesea65 how are you doing pal? Have you slept any?

chopc · 10/02/2024 06:12

I hope you feel better soon!

Was it critical illness cover you had? Why are they refusing to pay out?

Tikkamarsalaplease · 10/02/2024 06:20

Hoping they can relieve you of some of your physical pain, OP.

I bet you’re storming it at Candy Crush!

Tilllly · 10/02/2024 08:56

@Underthesea65
Is there a way to friend you on candy crush? Can send you lives

I can't figure out my username, all I can see is my first name and I reckon there's a few of them🤣

Sunflower8848 · 10/02/2024 09:25

I’m sorry you are going through this 😔 life can be such a pile of shit. I will be thinking of you and sending virtual hugs everyday.

Iknowtheyareusefulstorage · 10/02/2024 21:09

Just popping in to give you a gentle squeeze. I check back from time to time and keep you in my prayers.

DBSFstupid · 10/02/2024 22:56

Thinking of you and how you are this evening xx

Tilllly · 11/02/2024 16:27

How are you @Underthesea65?

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 11/02/2024 21:13

Hi all, so they went ahead with my tests today,they were bloody horrendous and I'm in so much pain, I wasn't allowed so eat for a full 48 hours and now I can't stomach food at all. I've had a small crunchie, which was lovely to be fair. I'm just tired and in pain so will probably sleep more if I can. Someone asked was it critical cover we had. Yes it was the full cover for any eventuality, we paid more for it than most would but at the time of taking out the mortgage because it really did seem to cover everything we thought it would be worth having. They won't give us a reason for not paying out, just a rejection letter. Have asked why and it says we don't fit the criteria. So we have a solicitor looking into it now, as thankfully we have legal cover on our home insurance. Thank you again to every one on here and sorry I haven't been on alot. Sorry not even sure if this post makes sense, as I'm still so doped up from sedation

OP posts:
Original poster
Underthesea65 · 11/02/2024 22:48

Tilllly · 10/02/2024 08:56

@Underthesea65
Is there a way to friend you on candy crush? Can send you lives

I can't figure out my username, all I can see is my first name and I reckon there's a few of them🤣

Would love to friend you on candy crush, if possible. I don't know what to do though, any idea? Lol xx

OP posts:
Tilllly · 11/02/2024 23:31

I'm not 100% but I think you need email addresses?

Any candy crush players know? Then we can send lots of lives to underthesea

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 12/02/2024 02:42

Anyone awake? I'm struggling so so badly tonight. I haven't felt well since my tests earlier and the pain is getting worse. I wouldn't wish any of this in my worst enemy 😭😭😭

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 12/02/2024 02:47

I'm here, under the sea.

Quiet on here tonight, they're all watching the Superbowl 😉

So sorry to hear you're having another bad night

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 12/02/2024 02:58

coxesorangepippin · 12/02/2024 02:47

I'm here, under the sea.

Quiet on here tonight, they're all watching the Superbowl 😉

So sorry to hear you're having another bad night

Hi, thanks for commenting. I had forgotten about the superbowl. thank you. I just don't know what yo do with myself. Sorry for being a pain

OP posts:
Shatandfattered · 12/02/2024 03:02

Hello OP. I've just come across your thread in active as I'm scrolling wide awake for no reason! I'm so sorry to hear your situation, it's unimaginable and my heart truly goes out to you. I hope you find some balance of comfort and relief from the pain and exhaustion given your prognosis, I'll check in from now on and hopefully catch you for a chat with my weird night owl hours when you may need it. Sending love

Raspberrymoon49 · 12/02/2024 03:04

You are definitely not a pain, far from it, am watching Super Bowl and grappling with chronic insomnia so here for the night probably, so sorry you’re in acute pain, am trying to think of anything that could help but am here OP if you want to talk xxxxx

WandaWomblesaurus · 12/02/2024 03:05

I'll check in too. I've just seen the thread. I'm sorry you are feeling awful tonight. Is there any music you can listen to or something you can watch on TV? Just something to occupy a tiny part of your mind? X

WandaWomblesaurus · 12/02/2024 03:06

You aren't a pain for asking for a handhold x

Raspberrymoon49 · 12/02/2024 03:08

We have your hand xxxx

Lwrenn · 12/02/2024 03:10

Hey, I'm up too! Give my hand a big squeeze!

Crunchies are the best!

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 12/02/2024 03:11

Thank you all so much. I've tried playing game, watching YouTube etc, but just can't seem to settle. I've a heat pad for my stomach which usually does help but it's just making me over heat tonight and feel even more uncomfortable. I'm hoping sleep will take me, but it's not looking likely at the moment

OP posts: