Rightmove Gem.

[PriamFarrl]

Crazy description ✔️
Detailed picture of every toilet ✔️
Pictures of random trees ✔️
Pictures of a dog ✔️
Pictures of the actual house ❎

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/129160883#/?channel=RES_BUY

It’s because it can’t be listed as a bedroom if it doesn’t have a window.

Reading through this, you realise that some estate agents absolutely do earn their money. I also wonder how many of them have walked away from this client as way too much hard work.

This, I find it really unnerving, definitely somewhere a horror film would be set!

How this has not flown off the shelves I will never know 😡

Yeah that one almost made my eyes bleed. It's like something by MC Escher... but 1000% worse! It doesn't make sense... 😩

This is wonderful

here’s the full Booking link if anyone needs ^more* 😅

www.booking.com/Share-ExBVaS

But you have to admire the depth of detail given in the blurb (can only assume that English is not their first language and that they’ve become overly reliant on a thesaurus):

The new build included a 3-story extension to the front with 1m foundations, 3 story extension to the rear, which is sat on 6x 1.2m diameter x 4.5m deep pad foundations dug by hand (3 months) and connected to solid bedrock

Not quite sure how you dig a 4.5m deep hole by hand?

Jack and Jill bathroom is a fairly ordinary term. As for heteronormative, did you just assume Jack and Jill’s gender?

"The house was conceived..." I think that's their way of explaining in nice terms when they fucked it.

"Spa and wellness facilities available"

I think that the floor plan has options, and the only bed selected have been circled, so the main bedroom is a converted garage with no window and the two en-suites at the front on the first floor are to 2 small doubles with windows.
However there is an error somewhere as the flooring plan has no bedrooms on the second floor and yet there's a photo of a bed under a vaulted shiny wooden ceiling.

It's a house which has been split unevenly into 2 flats which share a front door, I think. I didn't get to the end of the blurb but presume that the ground floor flat gets all the garden?

It is a lot of money, as they are apparently trying to recoup the expensive decoration which is very niche in style and taste.

Thanks OP: definitely the most unlikely listing I've seen!

Who is in Bristol and can go and have a look? There has to be someone.

I got a headache from all those pictures I had to scroll through to get to the dog. Totally worth it!

Can’t believe I had to scroll through so many photos to get to the dog

Two bathrooms off the main (only?) bedroom means it can be split into two bedrooms, each with an en suite - one accessed through a bathroom (which is why it has two doors).

The main bathroom also has two doors so that if you put up a dividing wall between the dining room and the kitchen to create a bedroom (instead of a dining room) then you can access it through the bathroom.

Someone has thought about making it a flexible layout, but that’s still a fuck tonne of bathrooms.

If y9u look the optional bedrooms/garages are because they aren't there. The two bedrooms are an "idea" for splitting rlthe main bedroom into two as it already has two bathrooms, wardrobes and exits.. the same with the garage. The floor plan shows that you could change it to a bedroom with ensuite.. odd

So the whole place is clearly fucking mental, but this caught my eye most and made me laugh.

"Been to argos for these wardrobes but can't fit them in the room - I'll gouge out some wall and rest them in the gap"

yet there's a photo of a bed under a vaulted shiny wooden ceiling

Is that the blue bedroom? If so then think that’s there to show you what the converted garage bedroom could be like. They’ve even offered to get quotes for conversion works for the deluded lucky purchaser.

I gave up at grandiose!

This is one of the ugliest houses I think I’ve ever seen!!!! 😂 ok so oui style the house for the agents pics - but champers glasses by the bed & red rose?? Who are you targeting here. A brothel owner? Just mad. X

£1700 quid for two people for three nights and you have to hand over £200 cash on arrival as a safety deposit!

also all that effort… and then ikea bedside lights 😂

‘Grandiose detailed property’

Understatement from RightMove.

It is really bothering me that the rose corpses are laid out on their towel plinths with their lifeless heads pointed towards the foot of the bed 🤣

Well . . . it's certainly unique . . .

Colour scheme isn't to my taste, but there are some absolutely stunning Art Deco features in that property.

If the dog is part of the fixtures and fittings and I had an obscene amount of money to spend I'd view it.