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Original poster

This is really fucking awkward.

272 replies

LordOfTheThings · 31/08/2021 09:58

I've discovered a relationship between two work colleagues. She is widowed and he is married and I really wish I didn't fucking know anything about it. She is head of my department and I have regular meetings etc. Why do I feel embarrassed when it's not be doing anything wrong? This is excruciating.

OP posts:
Charmatt · 31/08/2021 18:12

@ChargingBuck

Sex if you must know is PIV.

It's not fumbling in someone's knickers.

We went through all of this with Bill Clinton.

What an oddly phallocentric view.
I suppose in your world, lesbians don't have sex, @MakingmeaCake?

And I hate to have to break it to you - but Bill was lying.

So how would a gay man have sex? How would lesbian's have sex? Oral?

....I'm confused! Confused

VeganVeg · 31/08/2021 18:14

What an oddly phallocentric view.
I suppose in your world, lesbians don't have sex, @MakingmeaCake?

And I hate to have to break it to you - but Bill was lying.

Brilliant. 🤣🤣🤣

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 31/08/2021 18:15

There are all sorts of ways of having sex, as a pp said!! Good Lord Hmm

TopBlogger · 31/08/2021 18:18

Am wondering if you are in my school - v similar situation in the English dept......

Buffoonborisisatwat · 31/08/2021 18:27

@5128gap

For goodness sake please ignore the people telling you to report or complain. I'll tell you exactly how that will go. They will strongly deny it and as she is closer to the management because of her seniority, and likely trusted, and it's both their words against yours, they will be, at least officially, be believed. At best you will be considered 'mistaken', at worst they will paint you as a weird lunatic making up wild stories. Either way, she won't be at all happy with you. It's very embarrassing, but way more so for them. I agree with a previous poster that you may need to watch out for her now, if she thinks you are a risk to this bring outed. So in your shoes I'd be pretending it never happened, and if she raises it tell her you saw nothing.
Are you the fingeree?
LegendaryReady · 31/08/2021 18:32

Sex if you must know is PIV.

It's not fumbling in someone's knickers.

We went through all of this with Bill Clinton.

Clinton claimed not to have had "sexual relations" and he later had to admit he way lying. So what "we" established with Bill Clinton was....?

WildFlowerBees · 31/08/2021 18:35

I'd take in a box of chocolate fingers and offer them around looking pointedly at him when you offer and say 'finger?'

VeganVeg · 31/08/2021 18:37

I'd take in a box of chocolate fingers and offer them around looking pointedly at him when you offer and say 'finger?'

Grin
VeganVeg · 31/08/2021 18:39

the fingeree?

🤣🤣🤣

Mantlemoose · 31/08/2021 18:40

I wouldn't feel awkward, I'd have my 'you're both disgusting judgey face on' and any respect I had would have gone and I wouldn't be professional enough to hide it either!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/08/2021 18:45

Any more takers for the sessions they will be delivering.....?

Show and tell? (do they still do that ...?)

Looking on the bright side, they'll probably use the toilets next time; after all they have locks, and being even less classy it may well appeal to them
The grunts and squeaks would probably make any other visitors think someone needs a doctor, but at least they wouldn't have to see them

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/08/2021 18:51

I won June. Not July or august so sept maybe will be my lucky month

thenewduchessofhastings · 31/08/2021 18:57

The headmaster at my kids school has an affair with a TA.Apparently they spent lunchtimes shut away in the headmasters office.

The dirty headmasters wife was the headmistress at another local school and a staff member at my kids school decided to dob in her husband on his activities and when he did them.

She (the wife) turned up one day at lunchtime demanding to be let through to her husband's office;the office staff didn't stop her.

The headmaster was last seen chasing his wife through the school grounds.He didn't return.He funnily enough resigned immediately.

Interestedly the wife was wife number 2 and it was rumoured wife number 1 was very still around when he began seeing wife number 2.

MaggieFS · 31/08/2021 19:04

@WildFlowerBees

I'd take in a box of chocolate fingers and offer them around looking pointedly at him when you offer and say 'finger?'

Please do this!

Diverseopinions · 31/08/2021 19:04

I don't know. I think it's worse for OP to not say anything. Her senior knows she has seen something very compromising. They are on a slope to more and more daring behaviour. The guy could have wedged himself against the door to prevent anyone bursting in. They are getting off on risk.

Being shitty to the OP might be part of this devil may care attitude. Only OP know if it is possible to pretend not to have seen anything, but , I think to protect themselves, OP needs to tell a senior whom she can trust. This would be an 'emotional' safeguarding issue, I imagine, if an impressionable child were to see it, after term starts. I suppose the best thing might be to tell the lady that it's been seen, and nothing will be said, but you expect her not to let it happen in school again.

With any luck, one of them may resign and get a job elsewhere

MaggieFS · 31/08/2021 19:07

More seriously, I guess whether or not the OP should say anything depends on what rule/code of conduct has been broken. It's not for us to judge the morality of an affair, and with no children in the school, would that affect a decision? It's obviously unprofessional, but I feel the OP has more to lose than gain from reporting it?

Surely a firm 'don't do it again at school' in best teacher's voice would suffice? Hopefully the reality of being caught will shame them into better behaviour.

Diverseopinions · 31/08/2021 19:09

They might go themselves to management and confess that something unexpected happened, due to him comforting her in her grief , and she wants to resign now, and find a job elsewhere .

nancydrew · 31/08/2021 19:11

OP, I also think you need to tell someone in order to safeguard yourself from any possible future attempts to victimise or discredit you. Whether that’s school management, union or someone else. The other thing I thought was can you send yourself an appropriately worded email today so you have a dated log of the incident so if any funny business cracks off you have dated evidence of what you saw? So long as no one else has access to your inbox.

MakingmeaCake · 31/08/2021 19:26

@ChargingBuck

Sex if you must know is PIV.

It's not fumbling in someone's knickers.

We went through all of this with Bill Clinton.

What an oddly phallocentric view.
I suppose in your world, lesbians don't have sex, @MakingmeaCake?

And I hate to have to break it to you - but Bill was lying.

You can screech all you like, but in law, the definition of sex = rape= PIV. Or PIA if male rape.

Other activities are sexual, but not sexual intercourse.

Maybe I should have said 'sexual intercourse' then the mortally offended would not have been so vociferous.

AcrossthePond55 · 31/08/2021 19:29

@nancydrew

OP, I also think you need to tell someone in order to safeguard yourself from any possible future attempts to victimise or discredit you. Whether that’s school management, union or someone else. The other thing I thought was can you send yourself an appropriately worded email today so you have a dated log of the incident so if any funny business cracks off you have dated evidence of what you saw? So long as no one else has access to your inbox.
This would be my prime consideration, too. That the HoD might take some 'pre-emptive' action against you for fear you are going to try and discredit her.

The dated email is a good idea, if you have a secure email or mail box to use. Or some type of dated note/record in a locked document. It's what a lot of recent White House staffers did to cover their arses when the then POTUS made illegal/unethical demands of them during the last Administration, because he had a 'bad habit' of denying he'd ever 'said such a thing'.

I feel sorry for the married man's wife and I'm usually the first to say 'tell' but in this situation, with her being your superior, I'd have to advise keeping your mouth shut. If they were stupid enough to get caught by you, chances are others already know about it or will find out soon enough.

NorthLodgeAvenue · 31/08/2021 19:30

It's not naive.Just report it swiftly and move on.

Spudlet · 31/08/2021 19:31

Speaking to your union seems like a good idea to me. If this all goes badly for them, you don’t want to be dragged down with them.

ChargingBuck · 31/08/2021 19:34

You can screech all you like, but in law, the definition of sex = rape= PIV.
Or PIA if male rape.

Other activities are sexual, but not sexual intercourse.

Maybe I should have said 'sexual intercourse' then the mortally offended would not have been so vociferous.

Who's screeching?
& why are you bringing rape into it? If you want to view your own sex life through the lens of what the legal definition of rape is, that's up to you, but other people (especially those who don't require a penis to enjoy their sex lives) don't tend to ask themselves if they have actually had sex by consulting a legal statute about violent crime.

All that aside, I'm just bemused why you felt you had to make your point at all. OP's colleagues were behaving inappropriately & immorally whether penises were involved or not.

MaryTalbot · 31/08/2021 19:36

Actually in this case I’d report it to the HT. There are professional standards at work be it in a school or a hospital and you have a right to go to work and go in a cupboard and not have to deal with a couple having sex. End of. The affair bit is irrelevant here. We all have professional standards in the workplace. I’d email the HT and give them my mobile number and say ‘ there was an incident today at work, a serious one , that made me extremely uncomfortable in my workplace please can you ring me at home on my mobile to discuss it on 9123456789 or whatever.

I would let the HT know it is not acceptable. Get a room.

I can see this going south quickly HOD - your boss knows you saw - and bullying can be rife in schools

UserOfManyNames · 31/08/2021 19:41

I’d definitely follow the advice of nancydrew OP. They may well decide on damage limitation and try to get rid of you now you know their dirty little secret. They both have a lot to lose as this is misconduct at work, in addition to the married man’s poor wife potentially finding out.