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Original poster

This is really fucking awkward.

272 replies

LordOfTheThings · 31/08/2021 09:58

I've discovered a relationship between two work colleagues. She is widowed and he is married and I really wish I didn't fucking know anything about it. She is head of my department and I have regular meetings etc. Why do I feel embarrassed when it's not be doing anything wrong? This is excruciating.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 31/08/2021 14:57

[quote heldinadream]**@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe oh completely he should be squirming - but a 'seen your fanny' look cannot be directed at him!
Op may also have seen his dick in which case she needs an 'I caught a glimpse of your dick' look in her repertoire, oui?[/quote]
No. OP has every right to be disgusted and tell one or both of them not to bring their personal life to the office - or she may take it further. As a professional.

LegendaryReady · 31/08/2021 15:00

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Yes, absolutely, it's because she's the senior. It doesn't actually matter, from a professional pov, what their marital status is. It matters that this happened in school and that there's potentially a relationship that leaves a senior member of staff in an untenable position.

LimitIsUp · 31/08/2021 15:03

@LegendaryReady

LegendaryReady

Just accept that life's complicated, no one has a clue what's going on in others' lives and it's none of your business.

This!

I've completely changed my view since OP updated us with the fact that she didn't just "know", she witnessed a sexual act on school premises.

Now I think it is OP's business and needs reporting.

There are a number of issues.

  • safeguarding
  • abuse of a position of authority
  • professional misconduct
100% agree
DoTheNextRightThing · 31/08/2021 15:03

@ActonSquirrel

You mean you are visualising them having sex when you have meeting with her instead of focusing on the work and being professional?

In which case it's your issue.

They were shagging in a cupboard in the school and somehow OP is unprofessional?!
Original poster
LordOfTheThings · 31/08/2021 15:09

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe well I've not been nearly as 'salacious', as you put it, as I could have been but if you doubt what I'm saying, as you clearly do with your 'if this is true' comment, then please report to MNHQ. Troll hunting is not permitted on this site as I'm sure you know.

OP posts:
LimitIsUp · 31/08/2021 15:11

I think there is some weirdly exhibitionist angle to this too - who would engage in a sex act in a school cupboard which isn't lockable from the inside, when you know that other teachers will no doubt be visiting the cupboard to access supplies whilst they are getting ready for the start of term.

If your boss isn't the head teacher - then report to the head teacher

LimitIsUp · 31/08/2021 15:11

If they were carrying on off premises then that's their business, but its not acceptable in school

Tistheseason17 · 31/08/2021 15:12

Wow.
I'm not sure what they could say to you to may this better!
I'd prob ignore and chuckle inside every time knowing how much they will be more embarrassed than you! There is definitely mileage in their embarrassment!
Equally, I would not want to be part of their lies. I would not tell anyone but I would not lie if asked.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 31/08/2021 15:12

I'm not troll-hunting, I'm posting my opinion of your thread and your initial angst to calling another poster a 'weirdo'.

theleafandnotthetree · 31/08/2021 15:13

[quote SheldonesqueTheBstard]@theleafandnotthetree

If you read the OP’s post at 1203, will your opinion still be the same? Wink[/quote]
No, in fairness it's pretty grim to have walked in on them. I still think in the whole though, one is best staying out of things. I don't really think the OP should DO anything with this info

shesellsseacats · 31/08/2021 15:15

If it was me, I'd be worried the head of the department might try to push me out of my job, considering what I know.

People can be shitty.

Closetbeanmuncher · 31/08/2021 15:15

but when you catch a work colleague fingering your boss at ten past 9 on a Tuesday

What a Classy pair 😶

Lokdok · 31/08/2021 15:17

How's it really awkward? It's not your business, don't give it another thought! It must be really stressful letting other people's relationships concern you, it doesn't affect you and you can't do anything about it.

LimitIsUp · 31/08/2021 15:17

@shesellsseacats

If it was me, I'd be worried the head of the department might try to push me out of my job, considering what I know.

People can be shitty.

In which case - probably best to get in there first and report it
BlackShadowCat · 31/08/2021 15:17

I didn't even see them and I need brain bleach for this.

😱

LimitIsUp · 31/08/2021 15:18

@Lokdok

How's it really awkward? It's not your business, don't give it another thought! It must be really stressful letting other people's relationships concern you, it doesn't affect you and you can't do anything about it.
Did you read the bit where the OP walked in on them performing a sex act on school premises?
Original poster
LordOfTheThings · 31/08/2021 15:19

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe you absolutely are troll hunting.

if this is true then you're giving an awful lot of detail. Weird when you feel so icky about it all...

At least don't be disingenuous about it. Just report and move on.

OP posts:
LegendaryReady · 31/08/2021 15:19

@shesellsseacats

If it was me, I'd be worried the head of the department might try to push me out of my job, considering what I know.

People can be shitty.

Yes, this is another reason it needs reporting, now, before it looks like sour grapes when the department head is harshly "managing" OP.
NotJuryDutyAgain · 31/08/2021 15:20

OP, I'd judge, too. If they were discreet (i.e. not touching each other sexually at work where they had to know someone could walk in on them!), I'd judge considerably less not least because then I'd never have to know.

I'd lose all respect for both parties. Disgusting.

ChateauMargaux · 31/08/2021 15:27

Head of department. You have put me in an awkward position today. I did not appreciate being a part of your game. Lock the door next time. Lord of the things .

1forAll74 · 31/08/2021 15:28

What is your problem, it is an exciting world out there, people do all sorts of things, that are not your concern.

waltzingparrot · 31/08/2021 15:29

Ack, send them both an email to say they'll have to find a new cupboard for their future sex sessions because you're putting a padlock on yours and bcc the rest of the school so they know to put a lock on theirs too! ......Sorted.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 31/08/2021 15:31

@1forAll74

What is your problem, it is an exciting world out there, people do all sorts of things, that are not your concern.
If they don't want it to be other peoples' concern them they should be keeping it strictly out of the workplace. They've made it the OPs business by shagging on top of the school supplies when they knew they weren't the only people in the building.
Original poster
LordOfTheThings · 31/08/2021 15:31

What is your problem, it is an exciting world out there, people do all sorts of things, that are not your concern.

😂😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 31/08/2021 15:35

OP you need to take action. It's your duty.

From your description, you found two members of staff in a cupboard behaving inappropriately. They will know you saw them, so there is not going to be any surprise when you raise a formal complaint.

Ignore the 'mind your own business and get on with your job' posters - they are operating in a Mumsnet world not the real world where what you witnessed is going to be gross misconduct without a shadow of doubt. And because it's gross misconduct, it means it's serious enough for you to go through the official channels to get the matter resolved.

You can't just turn and walk away, not when minors could have made the discovery, not you.