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Original poster

This is really fucking awkward.

272 replies

LordOfTheThings · 31/08/2021 09:58

I've discovered a relationship between two work colleagues. She is widowed and he is married and I really wish I didn't fucking know anything about it. She is head of my department and I have regular meetings etc. Why do I feel embarrassed when it's not be doing anything wrong? This is excruciating.

OP posts:
5128gap · 31/08/2021 16:56

For goodness sake please ignore the people telling you to report or complain. I'll tell you exactly how that will go. They will strongly deny it and as she is closer to the management because of her seniority, and likely trusted, and it's both their words against yours, they will be, at least officially, be believed. At best you will be considered 'mistaken', at worst they will paint you as a weird lunatic making up wild stories. Either way, she won't be at all happy with you. It's very embarrassing, but way more so for them. I agree with a previous poster that you may need to watch out for her now, if she thinks you are a risk to this bring outed. So in your shoes I'd be pretending it never happened, and if she raises it tell her you saw nothing.

butterpuffed · 31/08/2021 16:59

We have two inset days Thursday/Friday and she is delivering some of the training so I'll have to develop my 'I don't care' look as opposed to a 'I caught a glimpse of your fanny' look

When she asks if anyone has any questions, I would stick your hand up [or finger] , it'll give her a scare. She won't dare ask you what yours is Grin

theleafandnotthetree · 31/08/2021 17:01

@5128gap

For goodness sake please ignore the people telling you to report or complain. I'll tell you exactly how that will go. They will strongly deny it and as she is closer to the management because of her seniority, and likely trusted, and it's both their words against yours, they will be, at least officially, be believed. At best you will be considered 'mistaken', at worst they will paint you as a weird lunatic making up wild stories. Either way, she won't be at all happy with you. It's very embarrassing, but way more so for them. I agree with a previous poster that you may need to watch out for her now, if she thinks you are a risk to this bring outed. So in your shoes I'd be pretending it never happened, and if she raises it tell her you saw nothing.
In the real world we operate in, I think this is good advice. And having gotten this scare, I'd say the chances of a repeat 'performance', especially with students on the premises, will be small.
starfishmummy · 31/08/2021 17:03

@Singingtherapy

You're a better person than me then OP as I would love this knowledge

Pleased it's not just me. I think I'd be getting the words stationary cupboard, glue sticks and sticky fingers into all future conversations with them both!

And given the later post where the op says that

one of these people has commented on other people's very normal lifestyles. The pearl clutching at staff going out for a drink at the end of term, of teacher friends going on holiday together ('work/home should be separate where possible')

I would be having lots of fun with that too. "Oh you must tell me the secret about how you manage to keep work and your personal life separate"

Original poster
LordOfTheThings · 31/08/2021 17:22

There's no need for troll-hunting

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe you're right, there isn't. Yet that's where you went then pretended it was something else. The poster you seem to have taken it upon yourself to defend, called in to question my professionalism for being witness to my colleagues' behaviour. So no, I shouldn't have called them a name, but it certainly wasn't for no reason, as you claim.

I'll leave it here now. Your superior style of posting is so tiresome, you do it all the time and, frankly, I'm bored of it.

OP posts:
phishy · 31/08/2021 17:28

@LordOfTheThings

No, I'm not going to tell anyone. I might be a po faced twat that feels awkward about being put in a shitty situation but I'm not the school gossip. An anonymous forum is as far as it'll go.

It does grind my gears when I think of the many, many times that one of these people has commented on other people's very normal lifestyles. The pearl clutching at staff going out for a drink at the end of term, of teacher friends going on holiday together ('work/home should be separate where possible') etc. But that's for them to consider I suppose, not me.

Absolutely report them to the HT.

Especially given one was moralising about others.

chaosmaker · 31/08/2021 17:34

@LordOfTheThings

I've discovered a relationship between two work colleagues. She is widowed and he is married and I really wish I didn't fucking know anything about it. She is head of my department and I have regular meetings etc. Why do I feel embarrassed when it's not be doing anything wrong? This is excruciating.
Blackmail op?
ThistlesAndUnicorns · 31/08/2021 17:47

Personally I think I'd be embarrassed/shocked at walking in on someone else's sexual act and seeing my colleagues private parts so no, @LordOfTheThings I don't think YABU.

I also find it quite interesting that posters are normally 'LTB' if a man cheats but in this circumstance it's 'people have fun/happens all the time/none of your business'.

MakingmeaCake · 31/08/2021 17:54

AFAIK, there is no rule about having a relationship with a member of staff.

Being discovered having some hanky panky may be embarrassing but I can't see what a HT would do, being honest, as it wasn't in front of the pupils.

In another type of work setting, you could involve HR and say it was making your role difficult to work closely with your H of D having discovered them in a compromising situation with another member of the team.

TBH I'd speak to your H of D yourself. I'd say you were finding it hard to reconcile what you saw with their role as your boss and what would they suggest.

They both clearly know you were a spectator. They will also be shitting themselves that you will tell.

NorthLodgeAvenue · 31/08/2021 17:54

Swiftly report what happened.End of.
Its unacceptable.

Any more takers for the sessions they will be delivering.....? Cross Curricular Investigations anyone? Effective Boundaries in the Workplace or even the old chestnut Health,Safety and Cupboards.

MakingmeaCake · 31/08/2021 17:57

Swiftly report what happened.End of

It won't be the end of, though, will it?
It will only be the start.

I can't see either member being sacked.
The best that may happen is a stern ticking off.
Having a fumble in the stock cupboard is not a sacking offence.

The OP will still have to live with what she saw and her disapproval of what these two were up to.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 31/08/2021 17:57

I’d hate to know about someone’s extramarital affair. It would make me very uncomfortable and impact on how I thought of my colleagues.
You defined have my sympathy.

MakingmeaCake · 31/08/2021 17:59

@PyjamaFan

If your colleagues are having sex on school premises, regardless of one of them being married, then you HAVE to report it.

It's completely inappropriate behaviour. I know that children weren't in today but that's not really the point.

They were not actually having sex.
Beetlewing · 31/08/2021 18:00

Titillating but ultimately none of your business. Prove you can be the soul of discretion, and keep it to yourself

MakingmeaCake · 31/08/2021 18:01

@LordOfTheThings Comfort yourself that you will always have the upper hand here.

Your H of D will be very uncomfortable. I suspect they may bring it up.

Charmatt · 31/08/2021 18:01

OP, that's grim - you have my sympathies! They need to be more discreet, asap!

The kids will make mincemeat of them if they find out!

ChargingBuck · 31/08/2021 18:01

They were not actually having sex.

Eh?
What do you call it when a woman's vulva is on display & her colleague's hand is busy inside her vagina then, @MakingmeaCake?

MakingmeaCake · 31/08/2021 18:03

@ChargingBuck

They were not actually having sex.

Eh?
What do you call it when a woman's vulva is on display & her colleague's hand is busy inside her vagina then, @MakingmeaCake?

Sex if you must know is PIV.

It's not fumbling in someone's knickers.

We went through all of this with Bill Clinton.

ThanksItHasPockets · 31/08/2021 18:04

I believe it is what the press would primly refer to as ‘performing a sex act’.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 31/08/2021 18:04

It’s rife in schools. I hated this aspect of school life when I was teaching.

EmergencyPoncho · 31/08/2021 18:05

Maybe one of them will speak with you tomorrow. Hmm, it's the school environment which changes things really. Could you as someone about it hypothetically, off the record, mentioning no names etc? Bit weak I know, but if one of them did decide to make life hard for you, at least you would have a better idea of how the mgmt would regard it.
I also think, ok they did it today with no kids in, but maybe next time they'll be more daring? Of course you walking in may have made them think.

ChargingBuck · 31/08/2021 18:08

Sex if you must know is PIV.

It's not fumbling in someone's knickers.

We went through all of this with Bill Clinton.

What an oddly phallocentric view.
I suppose in your world, lesbians don't have sex, @MakingmeaCake?

And I hate to have to break it to you - but Bill was lying.

5128gap · 31/08/2021 18:08

@NorthLodgeAvenue

Swiftly report what happened.End of. Its unacceptable.

Any more takers for the sessions they will be delivering.....? Cross Curricular Investigations anyone? Effective Boundaries in the Workplace or even the old chestnut Health,Safety and Cupboards.

Its incredibly naive to think that just because you report something to have happened you will be believed and action will follow. There are no witnesses. There is no proof. No employer who doesn't want to swiftly end up in an ET would dream of acting on the unsubstantiated word of one employee against that of two others.
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 31/08/2021 18:09

@ChargingBuck

Sex if you must know is PIV.

It's not fumbling in someone's knickers.

We went through all of this with Bill Clinton.

What an oddly phallocentric view.
I suppose in your world, lesbians don't have sex, @MakingmeaCake?

And I hate to have to break it to you - but Bill was lying.

😂😂😂
PhilCornwall1 · 31/08/2021 18:12

Comfort yourself that you will always have the upper hand here.

Has the OP really though?

As grim as it all is, all they both have to say is "prove it".