This is really fucking awkward.

[LordOfTheThings]

I've discovered a relationship between two work colleagues. She is widowed and he is married and I really wish I didn't fucking know anything about it. She is head of my department and I have regular meetings etc. Why do I feel embarrassed when it's not be doing anything wrong? This is excruciating.

@MakingmeaCake

Screeching? Your internalised misogyny is showing there. Loud and clear. Nobody was screeching, they were taking the mickey out of your post and because you assumed they happen to have vaginas, you called it screeching. How embarrassing!

@VeganVeg

What an oddly phallocentric view. I suppose in your world, lesbians don't have sex, @MakingmeaCake?

And I hate to have to break it to you - but Bill was lying.

Brilliant. 🤣🤣🤣

👏👏👏👏👏👏

@MakingmeaCake I think you need to update your knowledge on what constitutes legal rape nowadays.

And stop being an arse, obviously.

@Hopeisnotastrategy you said it so much better than I could have, I was just frothing at the mouth !!

Urgh, this is cringe!

I'd be mortified too OP and no doubt they are too. Probably absolutely shitting themselves about having been caught.

Don't envy you, what a predicament to be in.

Also FWIW, I used to think a Prit stick glue was called a 'prick stick'...think it's safe to say she definitely got her prick stick from the cupboard

@UserOfManyNames

I’d definitely follow the advice of nancydrew OP. They may well decide on damage limitation and try to get rid of you now you know their dirty little secret. They both have a lot to lose as this is misconduct at work, in addition to the married man’s poor wife potentially finding out.

We're now straying into Employment Law - let's be clear the two people who were caught 'at it' in the stationery cupboard don't just get to retaliate against the OP and "get rid" of them arbitrarily at the click of their fingers.

There will be a school policy in place, including what constitutes unacceptable behaviour/gross misconduct that would need to be assessed, and the OP's report of what they encountered, included in the investigation.

Whether or not the OP chooses to report them or not is up to them. But let's keep this factual that it won't be the OP who is dismissed for doing the right thing. If the stationary cupboard twosome try that stunt, then the OP is advised to lawyer-up. Then we'll see whose career and reputation is in tatters.

I walked in on two colleagues (him married, wife just had a baby) having full blown sex on a meeting room table.

I went back out the door like I'd been electrocuted, making a noise like gahmygad. No way on earth to style that one out.

You can try the lalalalala fingers in ears approach but you'll never, ever unsee it. They've shot their credibility as professionals all to shit. You just look at them trying to be serious in a meeting and the three of you will be right back in the cupboard.

When it comes up, and believe me it will, put the onus right back on them. It's not your job to police their actions.

I sent myself an email, it didn't go into the details, but I figured if things went to shit in the future I would have a much earlier time and date stamped reminder of the incident.

Having now seen your superiors vag, I think anyone would be mortified.

But I can't help but laugh because I just keep thinking about a PP story on another thread about embarrassing situations when she walked out of the changing room at the swimming pool with no bottoms on.

If only you could go back in time, walk in and shout "yo boss your minge"! 😂

You can screech all you like, but in law, the definition of sex = rape= PIV.
Or PIA if male rape.

Oh gosh, I really suggest you stop. The whole you’re digging is not a good one. The definition of sex is categorically not ‘rape’.

And sex isn’t just PIV. It really, really isn’t. You’re being offensive by suggesting it is.

For Gods sake, nobody will get sacked for telling a superior.

Say something, move on.

No finger of fudge

@LordOfTheThings

No, I'm not going to tell anyone. I might be a po faced twat that feels awkward about being put in a shitty situation but I'm not the school gossip. An anonymous forum is as far as it'll go.

It does grind my gears when I think of the many, many times that one of these people has commented on other people's very normal lifestyles. The pearl clutching at staff going out for a drink at the end of term, of teacher friends going on holiday together ('work/home should be separate where possible') etc. But that's for them to consider I suppose, not me.

Oh, I think I'd be having a bit of fun from now on. Any commenting/pearl clutching by either of them on other people's lives, I'd be innocently asking 'Don't you think you're being a bit judgemental about them?'.

@dworky

Yes, it puts you in an awkward position. In your shoes I would be seeking a way to ensure his wife knows.

If the OP is in an awkward position just knowing, imagine how awkward the situation would be if she ‘snitched’ - because that would make her an interfering busybody, potentially wrecking a marriage. OP I don’t condone what they’re doing but I don’t see that it matters to you one way or another. Ignore it and accept that it’s none of your business.

It's not that boss can just "get rid" of OP because she knows inconvenient information. Of course she can't.

She can however make OP's life miserable in the hope that she leaves. It would take a saint for this not to change boss' attitude towards OP (and we know she's not that).

If boss does start making life difficult, reporting later would look like sour grapes because boss was highlighting poor performance etc.

Why shouldn't SHE be the one squirming, not you?

If she wasn't squirming on the end of his finger, he ain't doing it right.

Ha ha, not in this case Buffoonborisisatwat. I don't like enclosed spaces.
I was however the manager of staff members accused of similar by a colleague. No proof, no witnesses and no previous pattern of inpropriety observed. There was an investigation during which the accused put in a grievance against the complainant for making up malicious gossip and damaging their reputations. The grievance was upheld (tbf, the complainant had spread it all round the office as well, including to some customers) and the complainant recieved a warning. For what it's worth I was inclined to believe it, but you can't act on beliefs only evidence.

Be professional, maintain distance and boundaries and don't get involved. Just act as if you don't know and carry on as normal. It's not your problem.

It is her problem, she saw it. They made it her problem.

Sorry hadn't read through the thread but have just skimmed through. Ignore my previous comment

@NorthLodgeAvenue yes I realise now

Leave a pack of 'Wet ones - sticky fingers' kiddy wet wipes on their desks

@daisychain01 of course this won’t immediately lead to OP being sacked. However it could very easily lead to spot observations being graded ri or unsatisfactory, and then leading onto competency proceedings, it could lead to the OP being shafted for cover, or over next years timetable in the hope they leave. There are lots of ways HoD can get rid of staff without overtly breaking employment law.

It. Is. Not. Your. Business.

@Xingming have you bothered to read the thread?

@LegendaryReady

Just accept that life's complicated, no one has a clue what's going on in others' lives and it's none of your business.

This is spot on.