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Casually browsing stupidly expensive houses on Rightmove when I found this...

201 replies

ItsMischerWavy · 17/06/2020 13:44

So I was casually looking at houses I can't afford on Rightmove earlier and this came up.

Am I the only one who thinks the wording of this ad is bizarre (although rather funny!)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MinecraftMother · 17/06/2020 13:46

Ah, it's a gentleman's house.

I am neither gentle, nor a man, so i'll have to give this one a miss...

LillianBland · 17/06/2020 13:47

I love the last line.

Substantial funds required. Further details from the agent.

In other words, fuck off and don’t waste our time if you’re not ridiculously rich.

rslsys · 17/06/2020 13:47

The inside must be a tip - no pictures!
They are trying to sell a view and the outbuildings.

Flittingabout · 17/06/2020 13:49

That is an architectural term although I imagine not frequently used by us plebs!

lborgia · 17/06/2020 13:50

I think substantial funds means that they are going to charge you a fortune for playing Lord of the Manor, and then you're going to need another fortune to get the house habitable!

PawPawNoodle · 17/06/2020 13:50

@rslsys

The inside must be a tip - no pictures! They are trying to sell a view and the outbuildings.
I noticed that too, I wonder if its decorated in a gentlemanly style with page 3 cutouts for wallpaper and a designated masterbatorium.
tectonicplates · 17/06/2020 13:50

4/5 Bedrooms
2 Reception rooms
2 Bathrooms

And yet no photos! Either some weirdo lives there who won't let them in, or the inside is a total mess. Goodness knows what a state of disrepair you might find.

LillianBland · 17/06/2020 13:52

I’d love that, if I also owned a large van and could do a massive shopping expedition, every so often. I’d grow loads of veg and keep rescued animals.

There used to be a couple of beautiful gentleman’s residences a couple of streets away from me, but builders bought the land, knocked the houses down and built overpriced apartments. 😭 The old houses had the most wonderful entrances and amazing, original stained glass windows.

PawPatrolMakesMeDrink · 17/06/2020 13:52

I assume one must send a dick pick and a shot of ones bank balance before arranging a viewing. To prove one is a gentleman with funds.

ItsMischerWavy · 17/06/2020 13:52

My thoughts exactly! It's the fact that it being "a gentleman's residence" is mentioned so many time too!

The substantial funds bit didn't pass me by either!

Such strange wording!!

I found this too, picture 13 is particularly interesting - why anyone would want that is beyond me!!! I'd far rather my other half wasn't watching me shave my legs from the bed!

OP posts:
lborgia · 17/06/2020 13:58

That last one just shows that money doesn't come with good taste as an automatic right...

paap1975 · 17/06/2020 14:03

I always want to know who lives in these houses. We've probably heard of them if they've got that much money

MayFayner · 17/06/2020 14:04

The first one... I would say the place is a wreck and the vendor is er, eccentric and probably wants too much. The agent doesn’t want to have to do any viewings as it will be a waste of their time. Substantial funds Hmm Reminds me of “Oh its very expensive.” ie you can’t afford it so don’t bother asking.

nancybotwinbloom · 17/06/2020 14:05

It makes me think of Emily the lady and her mate off little Britain.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 17/06/2020 14:06

I wonder if the glass bathroom has the type of glass that goes opaque when you flip a switch? If not I would constantly have to nip downstairs to the guest loo to do a poo, that's far too exposed for me even if there's nobody else in the bedroom.

LillianBland · 17/06/2020 14:06

@PawPatrolMakesMeDrink

I assume one must send a dick pick and a shot of ones bank balance before arranging a viewing. To prove one is a gentleman with funds.
Excuse me!!! Some women have penises too!

😁

isitmethough · 17/06/2020 14:07

Added June 2016 - wonder why no one has bought it in 4 years?! :-/

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 17/06/2020 14:10

I'm thinking dick pic, proof of funds AND a photo copy of your entry in Burke's Peerage, or at a push Burke's Landed Gentry. Grin

PickAChew · 17/06/2020 14:10

Obviously strewn with the gentleman's dirty clothes and the gentleman's discarded pizza boxes, given the lack of photos.

Undies1990 · 17/06/2020 14:10

I would read "substantial funds required" as "it's an absolute run down he'll hole inside" so complete renovation required.

"Gentleman's residence" = brothel?! LOL

Both descriptions tell you why there are no pictures of the inside!

PickAChew · 17/06/2020 14:11

If you click properties like this, it comes with a rNge of 4-7.5 million.

tiredanddangerous · 17/06/2020 14:12

No pictures of the inside? What’s all that about? I assume it’s complete inhabitable and the vendor has ideas above his station.

Divebar · 17/06/2020 14:12

The second one looks like a golf club

AwakeNotWoke · 17/06/2020 14:13

At first I read the opening line and wondered what a 'Grade II listed gentleman' was. The mind boggles.

Time2change2 · 17/06/2020 14:15

Wow what absolute pretentious bull descriptions from Jackson stops estate agent. Substantial funds required. Makes them sound like a bunch of stuck up arseholes