Casually browsing stupidly expensive houses on Rightmove when I found this...

[ItsMischerWavy]

So I was casually looking at houses I can't afford on Rightmove earlier and this came up.

Am I the only one who thinks the wording of this ad is bizarre (although rather funny!)

Ah, it's a gentleman's house.

I am neither gentle, nor a man, so i'll have to give this one a miss...

I love the last line.

Substantial funds required. Further details from the agent.

In other words, fuck off and don’t waste our time if you’re not ridiculously rich.

The inside must be a tip - no pictures!
They are trying to sell a view and the outbuildings.

That is an architectural term although I imagine not frequently used by us plebs!

I think substantial funds means that they are going to charge you a fortune for playing Lord of the Manor, and then you're going to need another fortune to get the house habitable!

@rslsys

The inside must be a tip - no pictures! They are trying to sell a view and the outbuildings.

I noticed that too, I wonder if its decorated in a gentlemanly style with page 3 cutouts for wallpaper and a designated masterbatorium.

4/5 Bedrooms
2 Reception rooms
2 Bathrooms

And yet no photos! Either some weirdo lives there who won't let them in, or the inside is a total mess. Goodness knows what a state of disrepair you might find.

I’d love that, if I also owned a large van and could do a massive shopping expedition, every so often. I’d grow loads of veg and keep rescued animals.

There used to be a couple of beautiful gentleman’s residences a couple of streets away from me, but builders bought the land, knocked the houses down and built overpriced apartments. 😭 The old houses had the most wonderful entrances and amazing, original stained glass windows.

I assume one must send a dick pick and a shot of ones bank balance before arranging a viewing. To prove one is a gentleman with funds.

My thoughts exactly! It's the fact that it being "a gentleman's residence" is mentioned so many time too!

The substantial funds bit didn't pass me by either!

Such strange wording!!

I found this too, picture 13 is particularly interesting - why anyone would want that is beyond me!!! I'd far rather my other half wasn't watching me shave my legs from the bed!

That last one just shows that money doesn't come with good taste as an automatic right...

I always want to know who lives in these houses. We've probably heard of them if they've got that much money

The first one... I would say the place is a wreck and the vendor is er, eccentric and probably wants too much. The agent doesn’t want to have to do any viewings as it will be a waste of their time. Substantial funds Reminds me of “Oh its very expensive.” ie you can’t afford it so don’t bother asking.

It makes me think of Emily the lady and her mate off little Britain.

I wonder if the glass bathroom has the type of glass that goes opaque when you flip a switch? If not I would constantly have to nip downstairs to the guest loo to do a poo, that's far too exposed for me even if there's nobody else in the bedroom.

@PawPatrolMakesMeDrink

I assume one must send a dick pick and a shot of ones bank balance before arranging a viewing. To prove one is a gentleman with funds.

Excuse me!!! Some women have penises too!

😁

Added June 2016 - wonder why no one has bought it in 4 years?! :-/

I'm thinking dick pic, proof of funds AND a photo copy of your entry in Burke's Peerage, or at a push Burke's Landed Gentry.

Obviously strewn with the gentleman's dirty clothes and the gentleman's discarded pizza boxes, given the lack of photos.

I would read "substantial funds required" as "it's an absolute run down he'll hole inside" so complete renovation required.

"Gentleman's residence" = brothel?! LOL

Both descriptions tell you why there are no pictures of the inside!

If you click properties like this, it comes with a rNge of 4-7.5 million.

No pictures of the inside? What’s all that about? I assume it’s complete inhabitable and the vendor has ideas above his station.

The second one looks like a golf club

At first I read the opening line and wondered what a 'Grade II listed gentleman' was. The mind boggles.

Wow what absolute pretentious bull descriptions from Jackson stops estate agent. Substantial funds required. Makes them sound like a bunch of stuck up arseholes