Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Hauled in by HR - I was off ill!

183 replies

iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 13:45

NC to keep this annonymous

I work in a small 20 people team. Some are acquaintances. Some are actual friends.

I was off ill last week. My husband took my son to see his grandparents as they were visiting a local seaside town and they stayed overnight. I myself went to my Mum's overnight as my anxiety meant I couldn't stay in the house lone, along with being poorly.

A comment was made by my boss when I came back on Monday when I said I had been in bed all week. Something in the way he said it made me think he doubted it.

HR was here for another issue today and I was hauled in.

My boss said a social media post had been brought to his attention during my sick period and he produced 2 A4 printout's of 2 photos of my son on the beach posted by my DH/MIL. I had been tagged in them.

He asked did I have anything to say about this. I said I had been off ill, at home, then went to my parents overnight when DH and DS were away.

He said that he had to ask me about it because people's perception was that they were covering my work as I was ill hen this was seen.

I reiterated the above and he said he hoped I understood why he had to ask. HR said she understood as her mum will tag her in photos of her daughter when they are out and she's not there.

Thing is, I am livid.

I have removed ALL colleagues from facebook. This includes people that ARE my friends.

I am livid I wasn't asked, by whoever has told work about this, what the deal was and they added 2 and 2 together and got 5.

I have had no apology and am sat here, feeling so fucking angry and looking at my colleagues thinking which cunt did this.

Dunno why I'm posting really. Just angry and upset.

OP posts:
OneHanded · 27/02/2020 13:50

I’m so sorry you had to endure that and I completely empathise. Unfortunately you can’t trust anyone.

PointlessAddict · 27/02/2020 13:52

Outrageous. No wonder you’re furious

TurquoiseKiss · 27/02/2020 13:52

Wow. That is poor form, i'm sorry you're going through this OP! You have every right to be angry. Whatever happened to believing what your staff tell you? No hard evidence either - if you were in the pictures, maybe there'd be some substance to it. There's a snake in the grass among your colleagues.

No real solid advice but just to say I share in your frustration. I assume there's no policy written in stone that absent employees will be questioned if they're tagged on social media!?

Years ago (when Facebook was more of 'a thing') one of my colleagues was on in at lunchtime on their work PC. Our line manager, who had recently added her as a friend, was working from home at the same time, sent her a message via Messenger saying "why are you on Facebook when you should be doing work?" er...could say the same thing to you!

Connie222 · 27/02/2020 13:53

Christ, that is shitty! Sorry that happened. People are arseholes. I bet it made them feel great to run off to HR and tell on you.

HolyChickpea · 27/02/2020 13:53

I think you should flip it and think how you would feel if a colleague called in sick and appeared to be out at the beach?
Someone reported it, management and HR dealt with it and it's sorted.
I wouldn't let it worry you any more.

heartsonacake · 27/02/2020 13:55

Thing is, colleagues are people that you work with first and maybe friends second. If you being off is creating a horrible situation for them and they think you are taking the piss, they will tell their boss and they have a right to.

They haven’t done anything wrong; your settings allowed them to see these posts and they misinterpreted.

elastamum · 27/02/2020 13:55

If you are feeling brave, under GDPR you cold insist they share the information they have about you. I would make a formal request. They have no right to keep electronic pictures of your children.

Hercwasonaroll · 27/02/2020 13:55

I can see both sides of this. You rang in sick and someone tagged you at the beach. It's crap whoever reported you but there are loads of people who do take the piss nowadays.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 27/02/2020 13:56

"looking at my colleagues thinking which cunt did this."

It'll be the one who smiles at you sweetly and pretends to be your best mate Sad

Original poster
iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 13:56

@HolyChickpea I totally understand why I have been asked - it's the issue that someone hasn't even had the guts to ask me, and has ended up with me being hauled in for a bollocking

My anxiety now feels 100 times worse and I've been sat at work in floods of tears because someone decided to interfere in something

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 27/02/2020 13:56

I think you are completely and utterly overreacting. Someone had concerns and they were investigated. That's all. Surely you can see it looks suspicious that you were tagged at the beach. 🤷‍♀️

JollyGiraffe12 · 27/02/2020 13:57

Put in a complaint with HR and demand an apology

Original poster
iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 13:58

It'll be the one who smiles at you sweetly and pretends to be your best mate That's the hardest part.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I get hurt by"friends" far too often but rather than react to it, i carry on with my heart on my sleeve.

If I become difficult I am accused of being obtrusive.

OP posts:
AnnaJKing · 27/02/2020 13:58

Please be careful what you write here - I also saw your post on a FB group so I know your name etc.

BlackCatSleeping · 27/02/2020 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CharmingB · 27/02/2020 13:58

I can understand why your boss had to ask but in your position my anger would be directed in the same way as yours - to whatever "friend" told the boss in the first instance.

Unfortunately work friends can lull you in to a false sense of security. You often feel like you're really good, close friends but it's only when something like this happens or one of you leaves and you lose contact that you realise you probably weren't as close as you thought.

I would be slightly annoyed at the presence of HR in the meeting though. It could easily have been dealt with as an informal chat. It makes it look to your colleagues that even they think you're taking the piss!

Original poster
iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 13:59

@BlackCatSleeping It was a photograph of my son. Not me. I was tagged in the photo by my husband so I could see it as I was at home, ill, wracked with anxiety being alone and worrying if my son was OK.

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 27/02/2020 14:01

@iwasoffill

I totally understand. I'm just saying that often when people are tagged in photos, it's because they are there, hence the misunderstanding.

That's all it was, a misunderstanding. It's really not worth getting so upset about. Flowers

SinkGirl · 27/02/2020 14:01

She wasn’t tagged at the beach. She was tagged in a post when a family member posted photos of her child. Pretty typical behaviour. I tag DH in posts all the time if I want him or his family to see them. Doesn’t mean he was there’s

Unfortunately it does seem to show on fb as “SinkGirl was with SinkBoy”, but surely anyone on Facebook understands this quirk?

Divebar · 27/02/2020 14:01

The sort of people that report to HR ( or management) are never never going to ask you directly about it. Never.

heartsonacake · 27/02/2020 14:02

it's the issue that someone hasn't even had the guts to ask me

Why should they? If you’re taking the piss it’s a matter for your boss. Employees shouldn’t confront each other on whether others being off are actually sick or not.

You’re making a mountain out a molehill. You were asked, you explained, it’s dropped. Get over it.

Original poster
iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 14:02

I am going to sign off and leave this post now.

Just needed to vent. Going to try and give this no more of my headspace.

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 27/02/2020 14:03

I feel your anger. I’m dealing with a loosely similar thing just now.
It’s not so much the being asked, it’s the way in which you’ve been asked-the assumption that you’ve done something that you need to defend rather than just asking for an explanation.
You’ve done the right thing in deleting work colleagues-I’ve done the same.

heartsonacake · 27/02/2020 14:03

wracked with anxiety being alone and worrying if my son was OK.

If you have anxiety over your son being cared for by his father and grandparents you need to see a doctor. It’s affecting your day to day life.

coconuttelegraph · 27/02/2020 14:07

The thing is that there are people who do pretend to be ill so I can understand why your colleague might ask HR to check, there's a thread running at the moment about a similar issue from the employee's POV.

I think you are slightly over-reacting, the matter has been dealt with, HR know the facts now, you can move on. You can't expect them not to follow up a valid concern.

You sound extremely overwrought by everything, have you sought medical help for this?