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Original poster

Hauled in by HR - I was off ill!

183 replies

iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 13:45

NC to keep this annonymous

I work in a small 20 people team. Some are acquaintances. Some are actual friends.

I was off ill last week. My husband took my son to see his grandparents as they were visiting a local seaside town and they stayed overnight. I myself went to my Mum's overnight as my anxiety meant I couldn't stay in the house lone, along with being poorly.

A comment was made by my boss when I came back on Monday when I said I had been in bed all week. Something in the way he said it made me think he doubted it.

HR was here for another issue today and I was hauled in.

My boss said a social media post had been brought to his attention during my sick period and he produced 2 A4 printout's of 2 photos of my son on the beach posted by my DH/MIL. I had been tagged in them.

He asked did I have anything to say about this. I said I had been off ill, at home, then went to my parents overnight when DH and DS were away.

He said that he had to ask me about it because people's perception was that they were covering my work as I was ill hen this was seen.

I reiterated the above and he said he hoped I understood why he had to ask. HR said she understood as her mum will tag her in photos of her daughter when they are out and she's not there.

Thing is, I am livid.

I have removed ALL colleagues from facebook. This includes people that ARE my friends.

I am livid I wasn't asked, by whoever has told work about this, what the deal was and they added 2 and 2 together and got 5.

I have had no apology and am sat here, feeling so fucking angry and looking at my colleagues thinking which cunt did this.

Dunno why I'm posting really. Just angry and upset.

OP posts:
CassidyStone · 27/02/2020 14:07

This sort of thing happens all the time. Someone I worked with went off sick with a hip injury and a friend uploaded photos of her turning cartwheels on the beach.

Tell DH not to tag you in photos when you're not actually there. You can still see them. I can imagine one of your workmates saw DH's post with beach photos and the accompanying tag would have read 'with OP' so most people would automatically assume you were also there.

There are a lot of threads on here about people pulling sickies for a day off and how it impacts on the workforce, with everyone else having to pick up the slack.

Topseyt · 27/02/2020 14:07

That is utterly crap. I can see how it happened, but I would be furious too.

This is where I hate social media. People jump to the wrong conclusions regularly, with only half of the information. Your husband and his mother took your child to the seaside while you were ill!! That is all there was to it. It really shouldn't be a problem, but now it has been blown up into one.

It is the type of reason I hate things like Facebook and hardly bother much with them. I hate Twitter too, and only have an account because that is how my daughter's school posts many of its updates.

The person who reported you was probably using FB during office time but I take it that doesn't seem to count.

I think you are doing the right thing unfriending all of your work colleagues. Make sure that your FB account privacy settings are fully locked down so that you can't be spied on. Check them every so often.

BeyondMyWits · 27/02/2020 14:08

I do think you are overreacting - it is a friendly workplace, someone probably said something about seeing pics of your child at the beach having fun, they shared the info/pic around.

The boss thought - "hmmmm she's off sick is she?" and asked what was going on - with HR present so that he could not be accused of any bias/loading questions etc.

You explained, they accepted the explanation.

done...dusted...

Why would anyone apologise for doing their job?

Juliette20 · 27/02/2020 14:14

This is why I don't ever add current colleagues on Facebook.

IntermittentParps · 27/02/2020 14:17

Why would anyone apologise for doing their job?

How is it 'doing your job' to see a picture NOT EVEN OF the OP, come to wild conclusions and report to HR? Confused Hmm

The manager should have told whoever reported it to wind their neck in (maybe not in so many words) and thought nothing further of it.

OP, you did the right thing removing all your colleagues from Facebook. If/when anyone asks why, be clear and honest in telling them that it's because someone took it upon themselves to leap to conclusions and report to HR something that was actually nothing and that as a consequence you no longer trust any of your colleagues not to behave similarly. Word will get around and with a bit of luck the busybody will feel ashamed of themselves.

Original poster
iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 14:18

I feel sick with anxiety now.

And for those asking, yes I am on medication but it doesn't stop shit like this from making you spiral even further....

OP posts:
Figgygal · 27/02/2020 14:18

honestly don't worry about it anymore it is not worth it you know you didn't do anything wrong, your boss does too.

also think don't be angry with your boss or HR they have to respond to a complaint it was a misunderstanding from their perspective and end of the issue. don't know why people are telling you to DEMAND an apology - they had a reasonable conversation with you by the sounds of it.

I really doubt they are keeping pics of your kids etc and no GDPR request is going to uncover who "told on you" assuming they approached them verbally.

Fuck you to whoever went running to them interfering.

cologne4711 · 27/02/2020 14:18

I think you should flip it and think how you would feel if a colleague called in sick and appeared to be out at the beach

Does being sick preclude going out? You might go out to buy some paracetamol and go past the beach on the way home.

People should mind their own business.

Serendipity79 · 27/02/2020 14:20

I had to deal with this as a manager once - just to give you a different perspective.

A staff member came to me about someone who'd been signed off sick. This person was tagged in pics on social media at all kinds of events. I couldn't discuss the reason for the person being signed off, obviously, but it wasn't a condition which would prevent them going to certain occasions.

Having said that the person who reported her was a single mum, working hard, feeling the pain a little because her colleague was off and we'd all taken on a bit extra to cope with her absence, and she felt aggrieved.. You can sympathise I think in these circumstances.

It looked like you had a day at the beach, its been looked into and you've been vindicated.

damnthatanxiety · 27/02/2020 14:21

OP, I get that you are feeling very triggered. Please try your best to put this into perspective. For your own sake. Someone did probably say something like 'ffs, xxx was at the beach on her sick day...' but people do that. They are unlikely to have out a lot of thought into it. I doubt it was a massive rant or attempt to undermine you. But you clarified and it sounds like management understood. Please try to put this behind you. You sound awfully anxious. I hope you are being treated for this beyond medication as it does not appear to be helping you manage things that well. Anxiety is awful

Nothing2doooooo · 27/02/2020 14:21

Ok, try not to catastrophize this. Yes, situations like this, where your truth is suspected and questioned, can be nerve-wracking but no one has done anything wrong - from the reporter to the Boss to HR.

Although I would say if the reporter was one you call your actual friend who knew the truth, then they were sneaky and can't be trusted.

cologne4711 · 27/02/2020 14:21

Also, another point, I think you have to ok tags before they show up on other people's timelines.

So doesn't that mean someone actually trawled around the OP's profile to find the photo and didn't just see it popping up on their posts?

Or did they see the tagged photo via someone else's timeline?

It just shows what a privacy quagmire Facebook really is.

Brefugee · 27/02/2020 14:22

Presumably, OP they've noticed they have been unfriended? Have you blocked them too? That way they won't see if you're in the same groups and so on.

I'd ask HR/Boss how they received the photos and that they should delete them off any electronic devices and give you the printed ones. And then leave it at that.

michaelbaubles · 27/02/2020 14:22

I think you should flip it and think how you would feel if a colleague called in sick and appeared to be out at the beach

I wouldn't give a shit. Not all reasons for sick leave mean staying indoors 24/7. In fact it's often best to get some fresh air. Also I'm not petty enough to be jealous that someone isn't at work when I am. Fuck, even if they're faking I'm going to assume they really needed to day off for whatever reason.

Bloody hell, some people really do love to lie down and let employers walk all over them. They don't own your entire life you know.

Brefugee · 27/02/2020 14:22

oh but - if you have that google thing switched on where it shows where you have been you could print those out for the days and put them on the notice boards… (i'd be doing that, btw, because I'm petty)

Original poster
iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 14:23

I totally get how it could have looked and why my boss and HR had to ask. I'm just cross and upset that people who I work with really think I'm not kind of person to pull a sickie and fuck off to the beach for a jolly.

I work bloody hard for this company and feel like I just get shit on.

Even my HR person said there are times when youre signed off for X but that wouldn't prevent you from doing Y

OP posts:
Giroscoper · 27/02/2020 14:24

Just as an after thought, if you have google maps on your phone, there is a timeline feature that shows where you have been. So you can actually show that your phone at least, was at your Mum's house.

In case you missed it someone on here said they knew who you were. Why they would post that and not DM you I don't know.

Rosebel · 27/02/2020 14:24

If a colleague suspects you aren't ill then they are right to tell your boss. Your boss is also right to investigate it. Why would they ask you first? I'm sorry you feel so bad but no one did anything wrong.

Original poster
iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 14:26

@damnthatanxiety They did more than just say something. My boss had A4 printed photographed of my facebook photos of my son. So they have been screenshot and printed. And in a company network now which spans the world and anyone could get into.

So tempted to go downstairs and say "OK, whoever did this, just grow a pair and tell me so at least I can look you in the eye and not be suspicious of people who have no clue what I am on about"

OP posts:
Nothing2doooooo · 27/02/2020 14:26

I feel sick with anxiety now.

Oh I see. I'm sorry to hear this. Being prone to anxiety can cause a major reaction no matter how small a situation.

Try to find a coping mechanism for when you feel this way - it can take hours or even a day to calm down. You just need to breathe and know it's not as bad as your mind is making it out to be. All is fear. Find something calming or completely different to focus on, even though it will take your mind a bit of time to latch on to it. Keep at it and breathe.Flowers

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 27/02/2020 14:27

Medication obviously isn't cutting it for you if you've overreacted so massively that this has you spiralling and in floods of tears. Are you getting any therapy or just relying on drugs?

coconuttelegraph · 27/02/2020 14:27

The manager should have told whoever reported it to wind their neck in (maybe not in so many words) and thought nothing further of it

The manager wouldn't be doing their job properly if they ignored it, they don't know if the OP was pulling a sickie to go to the beach with her family. It sounds like they followed the procedure, had a meeting with HR and resolved it.

The manager and the HR person possibly won't give it a second thought whereas the OP is making a massive issue out of a relatively tiny one. We only have one side of the story remember.

Original poster
iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 14:27

@Giroscoper Yes, have seen it and deleted post from FB.

If I hadn't lost half my numbers this week, i'd come off fb altogether but there are people who live abroad (family) who I want to be in touch with and why shouldn't they see photos of their family

OP posts:
Original poster
iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 14:28

Are you getting any therapy or just relying on drugs? I have had CBT and counselling in the past. Waiting time here is 12m

OP posts:
SinglePringle · 27/02/2020 14:30

You must have posted the photo to your timeline (or your friends are friends with your DH) for it to be seen - people will have thought you were taking the piss.

But you weren’t. HR & Boss have dealt with it. Dobber-In’er is probably feeling daft.

Try and move on.