Hauled in by HR - I was off ill!

[iwasoffill]

NC to keep this annonymous

I work in a small 20 people team. Some are acquaintances. Some are actual friends.

I was off ill last week. My husband took my son to see his grandparents as they were visiting a local seaside town and they stayed overnight. I myself went to my Mum's overnight as my anxiety meant I couldn't stay in the house lone, along with being poorly.

A comment was made by my boss when I came back on Monday when I said I had been in bed all week. Something in the way he said it made me think he doubted it.

HR was here for another issue today and I was hauled in.

My boss said a social media post had been brought to his attention during my sick period and he produced 2 A4 printout's of 2 photos of my son on the beach posted by my DH/MIL. I had been tagged in them.

He asked did I have anything to say about this. I said I had been off ill, at home, then went to my parents overnight when DH and DS were away.

He said that he had to ask me about it because people's perception was that they were covering my work as I was ill hen this was seen.

I reiterated the above and he said he hoped I understood why he had to ask. HR said she understood as her mum will tag her in photos of her daughter when they are out and she's not there.

Thing is, I am livid.

I have removed ALL colleagues from facebook. This includes people that ARE my friends.

I am livid I wasn't asked, by whoever has told work about this, what the deal was and they added 2 and 2 together and got 5.

I have had no apology and am sat here, feeling so fucking angry and looking at my colleagues thinking which cunt did this.

Dunno why I'm posting really. Just angry and upset.

he said that he had to ask me about it

I can understand why your boss had to ask

There was no valid reason to ask. Whoever submitted this to the boss should have been asked if they had any actual evidence that they wished to show, and what exactly they were complaining about.

It is no wonder our productivity as a nation is so low when people are wasting time twatting about with stuff like this.

I'd be looking for another job but the fact there are too many places like this.

He said that he had to ask me about it because people's perception was that they were covering my work as I was ill hen this was seen.

I understand why he brought this up. Very frustrating having to pickup the workload for others if they’re pretending to be sick. I can also see why you’re annoyed.

I’m in my early 20s so grew up with social media, I have a general rule of not adding colleagues and tell them I don’t have insta (etc) when they ask for mine.

I have more than enough friends outside of work, so I don’t see my co-workers as actual friends as I’m not desperate for friendships to begin with (although I have made close friends at work over the years.)

I’d be fine with losing contact with the majority of people that I’ve ever worked with, even though we might get along. It’s worth it to not have to deal with silly things like this, I don’t want to open my life up to the fanfare and gossip of my work’s cliques.

I totally understand why I have been asked - it's the issue that someone hasn't even had the guts to ask me, and has ended up with me being hauled in for a bollocking

You weren't 'hauled in' - you were asked to attend a meeting.

You weren't 'given a bollocking' - you were asked about the photo and you explained.

I know you suffer from anxiety OP but not looking at the situation for what it actually was, isn't going to help you.

I would be hurt tbh because the only work people on my fb are friends I see outside of work too.
But I don’t think your language is helping op. Instead of “hauled in and given a bollocking” think of it as “asked in to explain”. It makes it a lot easier to keep perspective.

I would be happy to look for sometime else right now. The atmosphere here is awful and the sniping is just rife.

Sadly though, it pays well and is 10 mins from home.

has ended up with me being hauled in for a bollocking

No it hasnt. You weren't hauled in and you didnt get a bollocking. You were spoken to in private by your boss who understands the circumstances of the post.

I had something similar happen once I posted something which a colleague completely misinterpreted and thought i was making sly digs about the area i work in. She was batshit crazy. My comment was about something totally different. My boss said he had to mention it because it had been brought to his attention 🙄 I immediately removed all my colleagues from FB.

Hope you've calmed down a bit dont let it get to you. It's not worth it

You mention anxiety in every one of your posts, I think you realise yourself that that is what is to blame for your reaction. Would you consider seeing the GP for a medication review? I really feel for you, sounds like it is causing you a lot of misery*

This. Someone had extra work for a week with you away and made a petty and mean decision, but you didn't get 'hauled in' or 'given a bollocking', they asked you about it (maybe not in the best way), but accepted your answer and moved on. Which honestly you need to do. Block your work colleagues on FB, focus on other friends and your DH and son, and take it as a lesson that some people never really leave the school ground.

Have you had a fair bit of other sick leave? Because rightly or wrongly, that does often cause a lot of rifts in otherwise tight small teams too, especially if it leads to a lot of workload for others. Not your fault if so, but is worth being sympathetic too if that's a driver of resentment.

Sorry this has happened iwasoffill.

After something similar happened to me I set my FB tags as having to be approved by me. I can even comment on the thread where I'm tagged and it doesn't show on my timeline to all my friends. Too late for this time, but good for locking down security. I barely use FB myself, but it's useful as a place for knowing how to contact people from the past.

Sorry all, yes I suppose my language above is a bit blown out of proportion.

My boss scares me and anything which involves being "spoken to" scares me.

Im still pissed off but time will pass

Any mention of anxiety really does make seem people feel that they have carte blanche to use it as a stick to beat the poster with. FFS, she's already said she's on medication and there's a long waiting list for CBT. Anxiety treatment isn't exactly amazing or a cure-all, would you snipe at someone with cancer for not trying hard enough to get better?

You were tagged in a photo and also not at home if someone rang the house? I'd have thought you were spinning a yarn too!

Not answering the phone (if you even have a landline) doesn't mean you aren't home. Answering the phone is not compulsory.

I have my security settings so tags do not appear on my timeline. I also have it set so that the people (MIL) that I felt duty bound to accept as friends, only see a very restricted profile. And yes, keep colleagues off FB. Work friends are rarely true friends if you have team/project/workload overlap.

Have you asked HR if they're going to make it clear that you've been absolved of any wrong-doing?

The person who reported you needs to know that you are entirely innocent, otherwise you removing all colleagues from FB might look suspicious.

Who doesn't know that a tag often just means "look at this", directed at the tagee? OP, I'd suspect an older person who isn't familiar with how "things" work on social media.

And, yes, I'd do an information request. This is effectively workplace bullying. Lets say you did go to the beach (I know you didn't). You aren't well and go sit on the beach for some fresh air. So what? It's not a marathon. Spiteful report by colleague.

Can someone explain why OP should submit a SAR? They won’t divulge who reported her.

Have had to deal with this situation several times at work and my usual advice is that whilst being off sick doesn’t preclude you from going out and about if it’s reasonable (depending on reason for absence and assuming it won’t hamper recovery etc) but maybe apply some common sense, think how social media posts could come across to colleagues and perhaps refrain from posting those as the entire situation is then entirely avoided.

People seem to live their lives on social media so that option clearly doesn’t occur to them.

And HR shouldn’t declare the outcome of a conversation with any employee to others as that’s a breach of confidentiality.

If the OP wants people to know there’s no truth in it, why not just tell them?

I don't blame you for being annoyed. It's a horrible thing to do. I hope you are feeling better now.
I think yiy are wise to take all work colleagues of your Facebook friends list. I would also tighten your privacy settings to make sure the public can't see photos you are tagged in. Also aak your husband to make sure he doesn't have any of your work colleagues in his friends list.

You are right, at least one person in that office believes you are the type of person who would call in sick to avoid using up your leave for a few days at the beach.

You are coming across on this thread as rather highly strung. Maybe your colleagues think you are prone to making irrational decisions?

You might need to work on how you are perceived by your colleagues.

my usual advice is that whilst being off sick doesn’t preclude you from going out and about if it’s reasonable (depending on reason for absence and assuming it won’t hamper recovery etc) but maybe apply some common sense, think how social media posts could come across to colleagues and perhaps refrain from posting those as the entire situation is then entirely avoided.

The OP didn't post anything. A relative tagged her in a post. She now knows she can stop people tagging her and/ or make sure she can approve any tagging. But really, it's very sad when honest people have to prevent their partners from saying 'look, here's little David, having a lovely time at the beach' in case one of their colleagues gets the hump and reports them to HR, instead of talking to them like an actual grown up human being.

I'd be tempted to send an email to your colleagues.

"It has come to my notice that there has been speculation about a photo in which I was tagged on Facebook. The photo was shared by my husband who took our son to the seaside while I was sick, and staying at my Mum's while she looked after me. My DH tagged me in the photo so I could see them having fun.
I hope that this clarifies things.
For the foreseeable future I won't be having colleagues as FB friends, as this situation has been upsetting for me. I'm sure you'll understand that."

Your colleagues are knobheads. Now you know not to be friends with them. Shitty, when your experiencing anxiety, but keep them at arms length.

As tempting as it is to email everyone, I suspect it would just wind everything up. Locking down your FB account after you've unfriended all your colleagues should send a message. And presumably your manager will tell Concerned Colleague that the matter has been dealt with.

You are coming across on this thread as rather highly strung.

The OP has diagnosed and medicated anxiety she's not 'highly strung'.

The almost unanimous advice that that poster got was that the colleague was acting illegally by contacting the OP and that she should have gone to HR formally if she had any concerns - so which one is it?
Neither. Colleagues should keep their noses out.

Your colleagues are knobheads.
That sums it up nicely.

I think you need to take a breath and try to take this for what it is - you didn't get a hauled in for a bollocking did you? They asked you a question, which in my opinion, was fair enough. And they had to investigate if it was reported to them. You explained and that was that,l.

If you were off with depression and tagged at the beach then obviously that would be different, but a stomach bug or flu or something then you can understand why HR asked the question.

I tag my husband in photos when he's no there so he sees them, but most of the time it means your with the person. Yes your colleague who reported it was probably an arse, but these people aren't your friends they are your colleagues.