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Original poster

Hauled in by HR - I was off ill!

183 replies

iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 13:45

NC to keep this annonymous

I work in a small 20 people team. Some are acquaintances. Some are actual friends.

I was off ill last week. My husband took my son to see his grandparents as they were visiting a local seaside town and they stayed overnight. I myself went to my Mum's overnight as my anxiety meant I couldn't stay in the house lone, along with being poorly.

A comment was made by my boss when I came back on Monday when I said I had been in bed all week. Something in the way he said it made me think he doubted it.

HR was here for another issue today and I was hauled in.

My boss said a social media post had been brought to his attention during my sick period and he produced 2 A4 printout's of 2 photos of my son on the beach posted by my DH/MIL. I had been tagged in them.

He asked did I have anything to say about this. I said I had been off ill, at home, then went to my parents overnight when DH and DS were away.

He said that he had to ask me about it because people's perception was that they were covering my work as I was ill hen this was seen.

I reiterated the above and he said he hoped I understood why he had to ask. HR said she understood as her mum will tag her in photos of her daughter when they are out and she's not there.

Thing is, I am livid.

I have removed ALL colleagues from facebook. This includes people that ARE my friends.

I am livid I wasn't asked, by whoever has told work about this, what the deal was and they added 2 and 2 together and got 5.

I have had no apology and am sat here, feeling so fucking angry and looking at my colleagues thinking which cunt did this.

Dunno why I'm posting really. Just angry and upset.

OP posts:
saraclara · 27/02/2020 17:31

OP, look at it this way. If the colleague hadn't gone to HR, you wouldn't have had the opportunity to scotch those rumours. The person who reported you would otherwise have been telling everyone and gossiping about yoou, without you having the opportunity to put things straight (or even knowing that people were talking about you).

Given that the HR person was professional, accepted your version of events, and was pleasant to you, you probably got the best result from this. And HR person will be thinking less of the person who reported you.

Does that make you feel any better?

bornonasunday · 27/02/2020 17:32

This sort of back-stabbing goes on in most workplaces, op... mine included,. I’m not on FB, but it seems all the colleagues read each other’s comments constantly and bitch about them! Men can be as bad, btw!
I was stitched up by my “bestie” at work just before 10 days holiday one Easter.. (which was totally ruined) and many tears were shed! My husband was furious. I had done nothing wrong at all, and even went to my manager to clarify this - he was lovely about it and had my back - but it had obviously provided much entertainment for the masses...☹️
My anxiety went through the roof and I ended up at the doctors. I was prescribed anti-depressants and what a difference they’ve made!! This “friend” would find me a completely different person now!!

Bizarrely, she often send messages via the other girls asking if I want to meet up!! Apparently my birthday is always mentioned on her FB page with hearts and flowers 🤷‍♀️
Karma came calling tho...
she left the workplace under a big black cloud....
Big... Black ... Cloud...

Falcor40 · 27/02/2020 17:32

Get rid of Facebook?

Honestly. It’s the devil. I got rid of mine over a year ago. I was so worried weirdly

But it’s soooo refreshing!!! I love it. It’s great not knowing everything!

FourDecades · 27/02/2020 17:34

I have recently unfriended all my colleagues. I feel a lot better for it knowing my work and personal life don't overlap now

coconuttelegraph · 27/02/2020 17:41

Honestly. It’s the devil

Of course Facebook isn't the devil, it's entirely up to you how you use it. Keeping in touch with your family and joining groups for fluffy kitten pictures or whatever can be totally drama free. Grown adults are surely sensible enough to make good choices about who they friend and what content they choose to see.

Leithwalk · 27/02/2020 17:44

'Hauled in' is very emotive language - be calm.

In the public sector it is policy to meet with your manager following every absence. It's called a 'back to work interview'. Very standard in my current role and in my role leading schools.

FeeFee832 · 27/02/2020 17:55

That's shit! People are such assholes at times!

saraclara · 27/02/2020 17:57

I have never had colleagues as FB friends. Not even the ones who I counted as friends, and not even after I left the workplace. I didn't want my work and home life to overlap in that way.

My decision was validated when there was an incident very like yours, OP. A colleague who was off work for some time with a back injury (our job was absolutely impossible to do with a back injury) posted a photo of herself on a train on a weekday. The gossip and spite that that one post created at work, appalled me.

She was going to visit her mum a couple of hours away, and on the train because she couldn't drive due to her injury. But apparently she should just have stayed in her house for six weeks and never left it. Not appeared to actually be doing something that could be considered to be nice.

justasking111 · 27/02/2020 17:58

Just stunned that they printed photos of your child off. Facebook and the workplace do not mix. In fact social media in general.

Witchend · 27/02/2020 18:10

I wouldn't say anything.

If you protest too much, you come across as guilty, and I think you could easily do this.

Pumpkinpie1 · 27/02/2020 18:17

I think your being ridiculous and massively over reacting.
It does sound suspect you were in bed Ill all week but ok to go to your mums for a sleepover
I think work was right to talk to you. A Managers job is to manage staff and Facebook posts are fair game especially when they can affect staff behaviour and moral

LizzieBananas · 27/02/2020 18:25

@Lovemusic33
People can be recovered from D & V but still in the exclusion period. They probably don’t feel like cooking though.

GlomOfNit · 27/02/2020 18:27

I'm amazed by all the posts here that fixate on the OP's anxiety and suggest, snidely, that her meds aren't cutting it or that she needs to see a doctor. Angry FFS. What a shitty thing to say. And it's not as if the OP hasn't acknowledged her anxiety and been very open about it.

OP Flowers I'm so sorry this has happened and unlike a few people on here, I'd also be unable to relax in my work environment knowing that someone (who? WHO??) had decided to shit-stir and dob you in. I think removing work friends from your FB is the only thing to do, really. I get cross enough when my SIL (who is a friend on FB) reports on something I've posted there to my PIL (who are most definitely NOT friends on FB). Things that DH and I wouldn't necessarily want them to know. If you have a friends-only FB account then it's understood that posts and photos stay friends-only.

Let's just hope that the shit-stirrer's card is well and truly marked for them now.

madcatladyforever · 27/02/2020 18:31

Let this be a lesson to you. I NEVER have anyone from work on my facebook no matter how friendly they are, it's a huge no no. i also have all the privacy settings on so nobody can see what I get up to and even with the privacy settings on I am ever mindful that there are ways my employers can see my facebook if they really want to.
You have to be 100% on the ball with social media.

SpottingTheZebras · 27/02/2020 18:48

I don’t think HR should have called you in for a meeting because there wasn’t any actual evidence of you no being sick. For some sicknesses, you can even be at the beach if you want to!

I’d be argumentative and log a grievance against the person that submitted the pictures (I’d write it was malicious and therefore bullying and harassment as you were known to be off sick and no evidence was provided to the contrary) and then, after the fact find, you can attend the meetings and sit opposite the person who did this and find out exactly what they are playing at.

MistyIsland · 27/02/2020 19:50

This is the reason I have no colleagues on Facebook, someone I used to work with had some thing similar happen to her. It’s made me very distrustful of work people.

If I do have any colleagues they are added to the list of who can’t see my post! Then deleted when I can without offending them!! Generally I have very little reason to be friends with anyone outside work, they are just not my kind of people I’d like to socialise with.

Not that I actually use Facebook much anymore 🤷‍♀️ And my profile is locked down as much as physically possible.

Op I’m sorry this has happened to you.

Seriously79 · 27/02/2020 22:06

I've been on the other end of this. 3 colleges were bitching about a customer on social media - another college reported them to HR and I got blamed for it - it wasn't anything to do with me.

They removed me from Facebook wouldn't speak to me, blank me in the street for years, it really pissed me off. The one who did report them 'rosie' and yes that's her real name, was as thick as thief's with them all.

Eventually they realised that it was her and came crawling back - although have never apologised.

Vanhi · 27/02/2020 22:41

I'm amazed by all the posts here that fixate on the OP's anxiety and suggest, snidely, that her meds aren't cutting it or that she needs to see a doctor. angry FFS. What a shitty thing to say. And it's not as if the OP hasn't acknowledged her anxiety and been very open about it.

I don't read them like that, or most of them anyway. It's not shitty to suggest that someone might be ill. People know I have depression and can say that they think it's coming back and do I maybe need some help. You can't always spot these things yourself. The OP is understandably upset and annoyed but she is seeing the worst in the situation and that might be because it has, quite naturally, stirred up her anxiety.

You won't get rid of the stigma attached to mental health problems by saying it's shitty to mention them. It isn't.

Frenchw1fe · 27/02/2020 22:58

Set up a family WhatsApp group and come off fb.

HavenDilemma · 27/02/2020 23:03

@JollyGiraffe12 A complaint for what exactly!?!? Op was off sick then tagged at the beach on facebook! Of course she was questioned about it. Her employer has done nothing wrong!!

HavenDilemma · 27/02/2020 23:06

@MistyIsland You make yourself sound incredibly unpleasant....

Gadgnkk · 27/02/2020 23:17

Facebook is the devil, I agree with a pp.

You could email a couple of photos to your family abroad.

MistyIsland · 27/02/2020 23:27

@HavenDilemma

In what way am I unpleasant? I’m paid to work not be friends with anyone 🤷‍♀️ I will have general chit chat in the staff room but never divulge anything overly personal, why would I? Work is work, Home is home and private.

I have been burnt too many times by so called friends and colleagues, so I keep my social circle small.

I’ve learnt from a previous colleagues mistake, hence why I have no colleagues on Facebook. Facebook is not related to my work at all.

JollyGiraffe12 · 27/02/2020 23:34

@HavenDilemma for printing off photos of her child - that is not acceptable. OP also deserves an apology for being wrongly accused and rumours spreading round the office about her.

blue25 · 27/02/2020 23:38

I’d be really annoyed at the family member who tagged you in the photo. It wasn’t a very clever thing to do.