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Original poster

Hauled in by HR - I was off ill!

183 replies

iwasoffill · 27/02/2020 13:45

NC to keep this annonymous

I work in a small 20 people team. Some are acquaintances. Some are actual friends.

I was off ill last week. My husband took my son to see his grandparents as they were visiting a local seaside town and they stayed overnight. I myself went to my Mum's overnight as my anxiety meant I couldn't stay in the house lone, along with being poorly.

A comment was made by my boss when I came back on Monday when I said I had been in bed all week. Something in the way he said it made me think he doubted it.

HR was here for another issue today and I was hauled in.

My boss said a social media post had been brought to his attention during my sick period and he produced 2 A4 printout's of 2 photos of my son on the beach posted by my DH/MIL. I had been tagged in them.

He asked did I have anything to say about this. I said I had been off ill, at home, then went to my parents overnight when DH and DS were away.

He said that he had to ask me about it because people's perception was that they were covering my work as I was ill hen this was seen.

I reiterated the above and he said he hoped I understood why he had to ask. HR said she understood as her mum will tag her in photos of her daughter when they are out and she's not there.

Thing is, I am livid.

I have removed ALL colleagues from facebook. This includes people that ARE my friends.

I am livid I wasn't asked, by whoever has told work about this, what the deal was and they added 2 and 2 together and got 5.

I have had no apology and am sat here, feeling so fucking angry and looking at my colleagues thinking which cunt did this.

Dunno why I'm posting really. Just angry and upset.

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 27/02/2020 15:26

You were tagged in a photo and also not at home if someone rang the house? I'd have thought you were spinning a yarn too!
That is very much your problem.

maa1992 · 27/02/2020 15:26

I'd be fuming! My mum tagged in me in her holiday photos in Florida and I wasn't there, she just wanted me to see them (typical mum on Facebook lol)

I'd avoid having any colleagues on Facebook again

10FrozenFingers · 27/02/2020 15:28

That's awful, OP. So sorry it happened to you.

HackAttack · 27/02/2020 15:28

Maybe so however I can understand the perspective as it is often the same people who cover work in these scenarios and it is very draining.

Op says this was not the case, fair enough, however I can see why questions were asked

Michaelbaubles · 27/02/2020 15:29

You were tagged in a photo and also not at home if someone rang the house? I'd have thought you were spinning a yarn too!

But who cares what you think? Even if you’re the boss, what you think has very little to do with anything. All that matters is what actually happened.

IntermittentParps · 27/02/2020 15:30

I can understand the perspective as it is often the same people who cover work in these scenarios and it is very draining.
Draining or not (and I have been the colleague covering work for other people), I wouldn't dream of saying anything to HR or management about seeing an off-sick colleague on FB.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 27/02/2020 15:31

You must have posted the photo to your timeline (or your friends are friends with your DH) for it to be seen - people will have thought you were taking the piss.

Not true. My husband announced the birth of our second dc. He tagged me into it and every single person on my friends list saw it even though he isn't friends with any of them.

Move on, get on with your work and forget it.

Easier said than done. There have been points where my mental health was so fragile, if that happened to me, I would have resigned there and then. By the sound of it, the OP is not a million miles away from that point. It's easy to say therapy... it doesn't always work.

Michaelbaubles · 27/02/2020 15:31

One of my colleagues is on long-term sickness and it’s had cover impacts for everyone. I doubt very much they’re inside all day every day. In fact I can see their social media and they’re not! But you know what, I don’t care. Next time it might be me and I’d rather work in an environment or respect and trust, not one where we’re peering warily at each other and acting like everyone else is out to get us.

PersephoneandHades · 27/02/2020 15:31

I dunno, I fully understand why you're angry and I would be too, but there was a post recently from someone who was signed off sick and one of her colleagues contacted her and asked if she was actually ill as they had heard someone had seen her out and about.

The almost unanimous advice that that poster got was that the colleague was acting illegally by contacting the OP and that she should have gone to HR formally if she had any concerns - so which one is it?

I think it is in general just an arsey thing to do and it would really annoy me, but you've done what you needed to do which is delete them all off your SM and that's all I advise you do; a formal complaint will just worsen the tension you'll be feeling at work now

I also wouldn't be sharing anything about my personal life with any of them from now on, so that the arse who did it knows that they've unnecessarily hurt the positivity of the work environment

HackAttack · 27/02/2020 15:32

For the record I have never raised such concerns about a colleague. It may be worth considering, however, that in clarifying the situation and getting op's side her manager/HR have also safeguarded her

Cherrysoup · 27/02/2020 15:35

Shit behaviour of your colleague and it's why I would never have current colleagues on FB.

Kirkman · 27/02/2020 15:35

I'm obviously in the minority here but just because you are ill doesn't mean you are not allowed to go out.

That depends in the reason you are ill.

If you call in with D&V, it really does mean you shouldnt be out and about

Vanhi · 27/02/2020 15:41

I think you should flip it and think how you would feel if a colleague called in sick and appeared to be out at the beach?

She didn't appear to be at the beach. If a friend of mine goes to the Science Museum in London they can tag me in a post because it might be something I'm interested in. I'd most likely be 200 miles away. There'd be no need to tag me if I were there, because I'd be there and could see it for myself. If a friend sees some nice horses in Iceland (the country, not doing some frozen food shopping) they can tag me because I like horses but I can still be 1000s of miles away.

It's a massive assumption. Why not just say 'oh I saw your little boy was at the beach'. Then the OP could have said 'oh yes, DH took him there whilst I was sick at my mum's'. Job done, no need to involve HR or management at all. That's what I would do with a friend, not assume that they were pulling a sickie and report them for such.

Thedeadwood · 27/02/2020 15:48

I think you should flip it and think how you would feel if a colleague called in sick and appeared to be out at the beach

i'd think it's none of my business and I certainly wouldn't go and report it to a manager.

sonjadog · 27/02/2020 15:50

I would be furious if I were you. But do try to let it go and move on. Staying angry will only cause more upset for yourself. Take the lesson from this to keep coworkers away from your social media, and put it behind you.

CorianderLord · 27/02/2020 15:52

I don't have any colleagues on Fb at all. I don't want them watching me.

ChicCroissant · 27/02/2020 15:52

Your work has looked into it, and it's been dealt with and concluded. I'd see that as a good thing as they have backed you, OP. Don't turn this into anything bigger than it needs to be, it is over now.

EmilyBishopmyconfession · 27/02/2020 15:53

I can't stand this kind of stirring. My first instinct would be to let all of the team know about the allegation, that it had been investigated and found to be groundless (possibly even malicious?). Not sure where you'd stand on this protocol-wise though so would find that out before I did anything.

redcarbluecar · 27/02/2020 15:55

I'd be angry about this too, especially the sneaky behaviour from a colleague. Apart from anything else, you weren't on the photos, and it's common for mums to be tagged on pics of their kids.
I guess it could be argued that the management / HR were 'just doing their job', and you weren't in the wrong, so hopefully you can move on from this.

I think you've done the right thing in removing all of your colleagues from Facebook - you could always re-add a few trusted ones (if you have any) as time goes on. However, I would also suggest setting up FB so that you have to approve tags.

Biscuitsdisappear · 27/02/2020 15:57

As a manager I would have been wanting to speak to you as well. Your manager asked the question and you satisfied him with your answer. You have chosen to share your family life on social media and there is a down side to that. Forget it and move on.

ExpletiveDelighted · 27/02/2020 15:58

I think you are overreacting, probably due to anxiety. Someone has reason to think you were having a day out at the beach while off sick and has asked HR to check it out, you weren't at the beach, nothing else will come of it. HR won't tell anyone else. There's no point raising a formal complaint, it might not be nice but it's not against the rules to raise a concern with HR. It might be worth talking to occupational health though as the anxiety is clearly making this very difficult to deal with.

You need to set your FB tags so they have to be approved by you before they can be seen on your timeline.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/02/2020 16:00

I'd do a Subject Access Request.

Userpompom · 27/02/2020 16:01

I'd be really angry too. At the person who u thought was my friend on social media who reported to my boss. Really shitty. I have anxiety too op. I understand how it can make things like this feel awful.

Lovemusic33 · 27/02/2020 16:04

I think most work places are the same, these people work with you, they are not your best friends. Maybe they were annoyed because they had to work twice as hard and saw the posts on social media and got things wrong?

One of my colleagues called in sick one day with D&V, it was my day off and I was asked to cover her, I made an excuse as o didn’t want to work on my day off, an hour or 2 later I saw her in the mcdonalds drive through whilst getting my breakfast (I’m sure if you have d&v you wouldn’t want a McDonald’s), anyway I didn’t tell the boss, it’s none of my business and I wouldn’t have gained anything. Some people just like to stir shit.

KitKat1985 · 27/02/2020 16:04

Something similar happened to my DH. He was off sick for a few weeks with a recurrent back injury (he has had spinal surgery previously etc which his work know) and I had the audacity to take him out for lunch on my birthday (I drove etc as he couldn't, and he spent pretty much the whole time sitting as he couldn't stand / walk for long). Subsequently there was a photo of him sitting in a chair in a pub eating lunch (with a coke to drink - not even alcohol)! One of his work FB 'friends' told his boss that DH was off enjoying himself in the pub when he was supposed to be off sick, and DH had to deal with the grief from that when he went back to work. Cunts.

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