Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

We have no idea if Carol is trapped in a suffocating marriage. There's a lot of projection here. She said she was 'anxious' at the thought of leaving her husband for a week (even though she knew the length of the holiday when she agreed to it), wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, made a play for the ensuite bedroom but oh, poor Carol! She has MH condition, is in an abusive marriage, he's forcing Carol to do this, blah blah blah when more than likely, the pair of them are CFers who want a free holiday together. Otherwise she'd probably not have agreed to go at all, much less dropped this at the last minute after it was all booked, kept pushing when told 'no' and punted for the ensuite bedroom!

Really hope the three of you have made it clear to her. I'd be furious.

Hi, apologies for delay in updating . After a long lunch I met DH , DC and DGS and only just home. Have had a few wines . Hic.
Barbara and I met half an hour before lunch to make sure we were singing from the same hymn sheet . Barbara had spoken to her DH again who confirmed that Dick was loud . Also said he was boorish and the type to snap his fingers at waiters . Hmm.
I was concerned that Dick would arrive with Carol but he didn’t.
As briefly as possible, Carol was quite defensive ; said she really didn’t understand the problem - her DH is a “ decent “ man and it would make her feel better if he was there. We discussed her anxiety but she wasn’t forthcoming , just kept saying she didn’t think she could cope with being away for a week . Anne said that the holiday was for us 4 and not husbands . If Carol didn’t feel able to go then that was ok , the 3 of us would go.
We did try to establish if she felt under pressure from Dick but she said she felt we were bullying her!
Then the bombshell was dropped ; Dick had already booked his flight ! Apparently when the details were confirmed he had gone online and booked a flight !
We were speechless .
Anyway , Anne stuck to her guns ( supported by Barbara and me) and said there was no way Dick was staying in the villa or even visit it.
Carol walked out. No response to messages .
Reluctantly I have to agree with those of you who suggested Dick was looking for a free holiday.

I am flabbergasted at his CF-ness! Dick sounds appalling!!

Well, that’s probably the end of everything with Carol. Though it’s difficult to know whether to feel sorry for her or not. It would not surprise me if Dick were a monumental domestic bully.

Yep, I had a feeling he'd do that. Tbh, if I were Ann I'd see if I could change locations of the villa. I'd definitely look at taking different flights. Dick and Carol are cunts.

Fuck-a-duck old CF at its finest!!! I wonder if theyll still get flights, not pay to sit together and then one of you will end up being asked to move so they can!!

They are both CF's, who does this. Enjoy your holiday without them both.

So he booked his flights before either had even asked? Cheeky fuckers! They knew he hadn't been invited on the holiday as his flight hadn't been paid for.

Glad you are refusing to let them stay in the villa, they can book their own holiday.

I wonder if theyll still get flights, not pay to sit together and then one of you will end up being asked to move so they can!!

Sorry do I know you? I’m sitting with my good friend so can’t move I’m afraid

Well done for supporting Anne and having a united front. The cheek of just booking a flight without saying anything up til now. Definitely CFs. Enjoy your holiday without them.

Wow. I think in Anne’s position I would now be withdrawing the invite to Carol. I would be worried otherwise she may just turn up with Dick in tow and no other accommodation plans and put her in a very difficult position.

Oh dear - well Carol and Dick have shot themselves in the foot. I wonder if they will now book themselves somewhere to stay and be on the same flights as you? Not your problem though.

I think Dicks personality is irrelevant. Whether hes boorish or the nicest guy imaginable makes no difference. Him being there would totally change the dynamics of the holiday. Both he & Carol are CF though the way theyve behaved

Bonkers cf! He’d better cancel his flight and try for a refund. That or they’ll have to fork out to rent somewhere else. That’s unbelievably cheeky of the pair of them and just shows that Carol isn’t considering Ann, who is prioritising her dh over her friendship. All very well, but very foolish of her to allow this to happen when Ann had made it very clear that she wasn’t welcome to bring him.

Holy moly what a turn of events. I feel really sad for Ann that this has taken such a turn. What'll happen now? God.

And actually, if Ann booked the flights, I'd cancel Carol's. I'd take her off the villa booking, too, and just forward on both cancellation confirmations or try to change flights/location as wouldn't want to encounter that pair of twats on my holiday.

What

The

Fuck

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These people don't take no for an answer so I'd fully expect them to try to use the villa.

Wise idea to possibly cancel her flight and take her name off the reservation

If she’s this brass neck, what’s to stop them both turning up and then insisting on the bedroom with the en-suite as he’s there anyway

Goodness me!!

Bloody hell! Is definitely be cancelling Carols flight if possible. Cheeky fuckery at its finest!

I agree, I wouldn't trust Carol to arrive on the holiday alone, expecting that dick can stay as he has nowhere else to go. What a fucking pair of assholes.

Who goes ahead a books flights without even confirming they will he welcome on the holiday. So she knew that before asking, and then to ask for the master bedroom with en-suite - what a pair of CFs.

I expect she thought she could persuade you all and use “well he’s already book his flight, and if he doesn’t come he will lose his money” as leverage to get you all to back down.

Boorish men who snap their fingers at waiters shall henceforth be known on MN as "Dicks". Oh wait they already were :)