Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

Can’t Carol just take a dildo?

I nearly choked when I read that!

No. That’s a sentence in itself.

Poor Ann! Doing a nice thing and having the unenviable task of having to have a potentially unpleasant lunch.

Excellent suggestions from NataliaOsipova and qazxc

"Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious"

DH has travelled a lot over the years. I must admit that the first time he went away I was rather anxious (this predates modern technology, and international phone calls cost ££££££). When he went to the US the first time for two weeks I got one phone call in the middle weekend and that was it.

No way would I want someone's DH of whom I had never met or barely knew on a holiday I wanted to relax.

Maybe if it was a festival/caravan thing but in a villa I'd want to be able to go around in my dressing gown. I do not want to have some loud, mansplaining bloke there.

I love DH and my Dad and my BIL is great but it wouldn't feel the same.

It often happens the other way around, with wives insisting they attend something.

A few years ago dh went on a blokes weekend to a football match abroad. It was a chance for old friends to catch up and was of course not an inexpensive endeavour. He was open mouthed when one of the men turned up with his wife, having not mentioned anything about it beforehand and even having stealthily booked another flight. It altered the whole dynamic of the trip, as instead of beers and wursts it was, "We need to book a nice restaurant as Linda won't want to go out drinking," and also three men had to share a room as one of the rooms was now occupied by the cf couple.

The comment about getting the en suite just smacks of CFery.

No idea why some people just put up with it.

For the last 15 or so years, my DH and his friends go away every year for various birthdays, stag dos etc.
One year one of them invited his new girlfriend along. The rest of them all pulled out because of this and the friend and his girlfriend ended up going just the 2 of them.
Absolutely unreal that some people can be so self centred.

I'd have pulled out, too, Eminy. As for 'nice restaurant because Linda doesn't want to go drinking,' why not shrug and tell them to crack on and book it for themselves and the other three take off together. The hotel thing, too. Well, you'll need to book your own room then. Off you fuck.

There are some pretty shocking comments about people with mental health issues on this thread. ‘Carol’ is stupid and rude to ask for her husband to come though.

No one is criticising or making "shocking" comments about mental health or anxiety per se, but pointing out that they are not an excuse for rudeness or cheeky demands or above all spoiling others' enjoyment. If Carol had misgivings about going away with her dh, she should have said, "Sorry, Anne, that's a lovely idea, but I don't think I can manage it." NOT going along with it and springing her dh at the last minute.

That being said, I do know only too well that anxiety can give rise to selfish behaviour, and acting like a cornered rat. Still not good behaviour though.

In the OP's case, though, I'd put money on Carol just being one of those Howard and Hilda types.

All these alternative theories when it's probably just that they are a pair of cheeky fuckers who are after a free holiday.

How did the lunch go OP?

There is no way I would say yes to this. She should have been upfront at the start if any issues.

And I suffer from anxiety and have had to miss things when it's bad but I would never dream of spoiling things for others.

Chancer.

Wonder how lunch has gone. Maybe the op is having a lie down in a darkened room whilst pouring neat gin down her throat.

She's being ridiculous and very childish! I hope she's seen sense and either pulled out or woman'd up a bit a lot

I hope OP is knocking back wine and cheese & biscuits with Anne and Barbara planning how itsy bitsy their holiday bikinis are going to be without Dick spoiling things.

Wonder if it's really anxiety, Cheeky fuckery or a controlling DH?

There are some pretty shocking comments about people with mental health issues on this thread

Having 'anxiety" - no matter how genuine and painful - is no reason for Carol to insist on what she is trying to insist. Having a debilitating condition is no reason to impose it on others voluntarily. IF she is so anxious about being separated from her husband then she needs to bow out gracefully. And get some treatment. She's a grown up. She needs to take responsibility.

I still think that the OP should give her the number for Women's Aid.

Carol has behaved poorly, regardless of her reasons.

Miss manners would be appalled.

Regardless of her reasons this holiday was about Anne, being a support system for her. Bad form Carol! I'd tell her straight up No and I'd do it on behalf of Anne and be the 'bad guy' so she escapes the backlash.

There are literally no excuses for Carols behaviour.

Even if she was genuinely apprehensive, and even if she didn’t think it was a big deal for her DH to come, she wouldn’t have asked for the best room in the villa unless she was a CF

Urgh. I feel bad for carol trapped in such a suffocating marriage.

"Anne has met the DH - who I will now call Dick -"
I loled at this :)
I personally agree that the chances of dick identifying as female are small and even if he does its all a crock of shit anyway. Was just my response to people saying it's a girls ' holiday. No, it's a holiday for a group of friends. If dick had been a woman he still wouldn't have been welcome.