Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

Well done Anne! I'm glad she made it clear Carol is no longer welcome - all this '"girl's holiday" stuff made it sound to me like Carol might still think she was invited after her shenanigans. I hope you all have a wonderful time!

Please start a new thread before this one hits 40 pages, OP. Somehow I don't think cancelling the flight is going to deter Dick...

Well done Anne.
Carol deserves fuck all after this fiasco.
Thread has nearly run out OP.
You may need to start a new one.
Or not!!!

I'm glad Anne took action to cancel Carol's flight.

How utterly sad that Dick's behaviour, and Carol's complicity and stupidity, have forced Anne to behave in a way which sounds like is entirely against her usual nature.

I hope that the holiday expunges all this nastiness.

And mental health issue re anxiety or not, this thread has reminded me how much I despise women who do this sort of learned helplessness. Carol may be over 60, but she's hardly an adult.

Oh wow, wonder if they'll book another flight or cancel Dicks? Wonder if there's any spare seats or someone has already snapped up Carol's?

Well done Anne.

For the op, Anne and Barbara, I don’t know if it is Spain you’re going to but here’s a song to get you in the mood - Have fun -

Please start a new thread before this one hits 40 pages, OP. Somehow I don't think cancelling the flight is going to deter Dick...

Yes, please! I also think that this isn't over yet....

Oh! Missed a page. I see the flight has been cancelled now

I don’t feel sorry for carol at all. She chooses to stay with this knob and has inflicted him on all of you and has at least enabled this behaviour if not actively participated in it to grab them both a free holiday. All this “anxiety” “coercive control” “bewildered” schtick - don’t buy it sorry. She’s not a child she’s over 60!

shamelessly Villa-marking - Time for a new thread OP..?

Diabolical of Carol to play dumb when asked/told about her husband phoning the villa owner asking for Anne and co’s new villa address!

She would have been the one to supply Dick with the phone number.

I did think no way could anyone be such a selfish choosing beggar as to turn up having not booked a room and demand to housed, but not having booked a room proved that was the plan.. well done on stopping their game ..
Have a good holiday.

Well! Been following this over the past few days. My theory, for what it's worth, is that Carol is the shit stirrer in all this. She's wound her DH up about this free holiday - I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't know the full tale. She / they are like a lot of people, complete tunnel vision. They are having a free holiday in Spain next week at Anne's expense and that's the end of it. They don't know how to back down, don't know how to let it go, can't not be CFers.

Carol has got them into this mess and she's pushing on with it regardless of the cost to the friendship, possibly because the controlling husband will never let her forget it if she doesn't. I'm a similar age, and I do know women who can't understand why other people don't "appreciate" their husbands and their needs in quite the way that they do. They are so under the thumb and don't dare challenge that when someone else does it they end up in a flat spin.

It's an awful situation for all of you.

I'm such a rubber necker. Loving the drama and not going to even hide it!

@Pinklady1982

Ooh what was the Mexican Village holiday thread?? How can I find the thread?

Mexican house

There's a list of interesting threads here that gives some context to them rather than just the actual titles of the threads given in Classics:-

To ask for a round up of all the little MN in-jokes?

Thank god for that. I feel so sorry for the rest of you though. I am a similar age and part of a group of 4 ladies, we used to be very close then one got a Dick ....!! So I am literally feeling exactly the same, we have an "Ann", she would be too kind as well.

Please come back and tell us you all had a lovely relaxing time

They are unbelievable!

I can't wait to see what she says to her flight being cancelled...
Has Anne told her yet?

Carol knows her husband well.

On first being invited to go away she should have made a polite excuse and said no thank you knowing that her husband would want to barge in and come along.

It doesn’t ring true that she is under his thumb as she would simply not tell him about the invite and he would have been none the wiser.

The fact that he was aware means she has told him and they have colluded together to get a free holiday for the pair of them.

He’s the obnoxious and brash one but she’s the cunning, sly one.

Oh well, their dirty tricks campaign failed, big time.

I really hope after all this 'stuff' from Dick and Carole that Anne, Barbara and you can have a nice holiday and not let them completely ruin it for all of you.

Well done Anne I hope you all have a great time

So Dick called the villa owner to harass the information about where you're all now staying out of her, failed, and then Carol lied about the phone call when confronted about it. Wow.

Anne did the right thing, cancelling her flight. Shocking behaviour ... they clearly had every intention of rocking up to the villa to bully you all into letting them stay there for free, and probably planned to eat your food and drink your alcohol, too. CFs.

You're well rid.

Wow. Just wow

I suspect that part of the problem now is that Dick has boasted to all his cronies that he blagged a free holiday and if he doesn't get it, he'll lose face.

Hope Anne is okay. It must be the last thing she needs after a tough year.

I've just read the whole thing. My jaw is on the floor!
I an slightly worried that Carol is with a very controlling man, but if she won't open up then what can you Do?
How behaviour is outrageous. Actually getting shouty with the property owner? I know Anne is thankful for the support Carol gave her, but it's time to step away from that friendship.

This thread is almost full!