Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Please come into my advice clinic. All my agony aunts are both untrained and insane. We WILL help you.

I dreamed a dream of days gone by
When we had a very smart president
We knew that he would never lie
And his wife’s arms were magnificent

Then I was young and didn’t vote
I let my absentee ballot moulder
Nothing could be worse than Bush
I mean the younger not the older

Oh but what a fool I wa-as
And now the orange thing’s in office
The country was even dumber than it seemed
And Trump has killed the dream I dreamed.

Oh forget to mention that to distract me from heartbreak I'm gonna pour my artisticness into political commentary.

Look how talented she is!!!

Baker Gerry Ford was a super president, his wife made a rehab clinic just for pissheads.

I was talking about Obama! Who knows what Betty Ford's arms were like, she was always wearing 3/4 sleeves.

Plus Jimmy Carter was fun, he used to sing *Salt Peanuts". Trumper doesn't sing, why is he orange 🍊? Is it cultural?

Is he related to pineapple the first?

And I have failed Morrison's online assessment, so they won't consider me any further for their poxy 10 hour per week job. 😢

Jimmy Carter was/is a saint!

Trump is orange BECAUSE he doesn't eat peanuts. Allergy, very bad, allergy. Really, really bad and terrible. If I ever get close enough I will wave a jar of Jiffy (American peanut butter) at him.

Sorry about your job Can'tBelieve.

Thanks Agnostic. I've just been down to Sainsbo's and spent money I can't afford on stuff I didn't need.

Including a Toy Story Alien piggy bank. 🙄

believe that sounds awesome!

£2.40. The Mickey and Minnie ones are also reduced at £4.

What have you got for an ear ache and a bad attitude?

Witch for the ear ache I recommend a pint of Winka in the garden.

For the attitude do not change a thing! It sounds perfectly acceptable!, if anything dial it up some more until everyone around you either clears off from under your feet or starts waiting on you hand and foot!

Shall I pour the pint in my ear or just drink it as per normal?

My family has not noticed my mood, so I plan to randomly switch the internet off and on in a bit, just so they know what’s what.

Drink and ear!

Yes and tamper with the telly so there's nothing to fall back on!

Ah, such a relief to know good advice is still available on the internet.

I wonder what people did in the olden days

Well yes! Quite!

I imagine the poor buggers had to decide for themselves what was the right thing to do! I just cannot imagine doing that! Sounds dangerous! Especially if it's me I'm asking!

Indeed. Decisions are hard! If you make a decision on your own then who can you blame when it all goes pear shaped!

I guess that's where decision penguins come in. I always refer to mine when there's a power cut and I can't access the internet.

Oh yes! I forgot about decision penguins! 🐧

What is this decision penguin that you speak of? I have no exotic animals at home but my daughter does have multi coloured unicorn softie thing.

Witch well in the last thread we had a thister who owned a decision penguin (she made him herself)

We could ask him a question and a marble would roll into one of his feet for yes and one for no as I recall!

In face I think it belonged to @SummerHouse

I turned my phone off and spent a lovely day in the sun in Cardiff with eldest daughter (11).

I ignored the shit friends and the crappy job and left the fat worrying husband to look after our other children.

It was utterly wonderful.

Sadly it makes me think I should just run away and leave them all to it. But I would miss the offspring rather a lot...

I am sunburnt and I am drunk. Please help

Knitter I'm so glad you escaped for the day!

Now if you will insist on taking care of your own children and not running away forever then I think you should make sure to run away for odd days out like today!

wax have a cooling bath, apply after sun to burned bits but stay drunk at all costs then you won't mind so much!