Do you have problems? I can solve everything.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I can help with anything, please step inside my lovely advice clinic where my team of kindly Agony Aunts will cure you forever.

myname seems quite a fair and reasonable thing to do all things considered. At least you didn't lower yourself to his level of disgusting in retaliation. Quite a refreshing response really. Sweet dreams!

666 well that's not very Ladylike, you must be Australian.

Pooter no point referencing deleted thread cos we can't all come and join in the japes innit.

Dangly thanks so much for the solid advice. Alas, I don't grow any facial hair, not even a whispy moustache despite being in my thirties now. Should I just grow my pubes for a bit then strimmer them down and glue them to my face for the self-shagging, should Mr Sexy-Beard fail to recognise my raw sexual magnetism?

Many thanks in advance for the excellent advice!

I’m real... or at least I think I am... the voices in my head agree, but they also tell me that I am 999 years old... ‘shrugs’

Lacy you poor dear, how have you coped for so long without a full beard and moustache plus sideburns? Pooter this is an emergency you'll have to share your souvenir bucket of Hitler's pubes.

Blue yes, yes, of course you're real my dear

Thigh the voices tell me that you’re not convinced... I have been wondering if I am also invisible, but I’m not sure how to check as vampires don’t have reflections to start with!

Thislido who's the traybaker?

Blue say this to yourself, sometimes it helps:

I'm pink
Therefore, I'm spam.

😂🤣

Is that a dead body emoji? I only use this one

lacy I'll see how the collection box at Lidl is filling up, and post some to you. Quick tip, though, don't use Superglue!

Midnight is any one of us really real? There's no shame in being 999 years old, it's how you feel inside that really counts.

Are you and myname in a love triangle?

I meant to add a picture of me.

Well, go on then, Reg !

Oops slow to load...but WELL worth waiting for!!

But you look sad Reginald we must turn that frown upside down. Have you run out of semtex? Is that making you feel down?

Just a reminder folks, pineapple is still unaccounted for. Here's a photofit. Note how the eyes follow you round the room!

What can I give DD 11 for packed lunches for Easter school?

Many gratitudes for the kind offer of spare pubes. I shall wait for the postman with eagerness.

I do need new glasses but I'll just get them from Boots rather than USA

Phil a kinder surprise filled with spam. That'll surprise her.

Pooter that really takes me back to my yoot.

philomena Nutella on a hot cross bun should do the trick.