Do you have problems? I can solve everything.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I can help with anything, please step inside my lovely advice clinic where my team of kindly Agony Aunts will cure you forever.

Handover your offspring thisters. It's for a good cause. I think. What was the cause again? It is Comic Relief?

I've always felt that my calling is to give birth to a litter of puppies. That's my position and I'm sticking to it.

Would incubating mother be encased in compost or spread generously

Thislido, to comply with the basic law of Thighland that one must not visit or entertain visitors, i have posted my selection of severed, laminated, marinaded cocks for you to inseminate yourself as the nominated bearer of the blessed 40. Good luck!

But thigh if you just want Yul Brynner props you could have 40 cardboard children. I believe you are over-thinking this!

crisis It's usually the spreading that leads to the incubating.

Your cocks will never fit through my letterbox and I will leave them to fester at the post office. Well have to do a art of 40 children.

Who invented the "do a art" slogan?

I do remember your freakishly small letterbox lido

I don't remember, maybe it arose from our collective genius.

My freakishly small letterbox is still accepting deliveries of festive easter chocolate, crushed to resemble shit through the letterbox.

Oh for god's sake, I'm getting adverts for dying babies in third world countries. I can believe that is my reward from promoting Comic Relief.

for not from

Live in carers in my advert.

Own up, which one of you works for Iceland?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/3555773-Iceland-Supermarket-advertising-a-human-foot-for-Easter

Maybe

I have stunning loft conversions as my advert :(

They never advertise the non stunning ones, do they?

Not to me they don't

I never understand this one. Who leaves a dog in charge of their house when they go on holiday? A lazy dog at that.

Unless the advert is aimed at dogs and the dog in the picture Ian on holiday. Maybe I’ve misjudged the mumsnet demographic

Yep, the dog is probably never allowed on the sofa when the owners are home!

Thislido Ian is an unusual name for a dog, did you choose it yourself?

I don't think it's a particularly unusual name.

Colin is normal but Ian is just, odd. HTH

Actually I’m named after Ian McEwan. My owner was inspired by The Cement Garden. You lot would like it