Do you have problems? I can solve everything.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I can help with anything, please step inside my lovely advice clinic where my team of kindly Agony Aunts will cure you forever.

Just dropping in for a cup of tea. I thought Mr D F had arrived in the night but it was just a tile slipping off my roof

No your mug can't spell, what a cunt.

Thislido at this stage with the pineapple 🍍 business you're all i have to cling to. And that isn't really wise since you have hepatitis B.

Here’s my problem: I’m meant to be writing a report and prepping two presentations but can’t be arsed, what shall I do?

Crisis pick the weakest member of your team and force her to do your work for you.

Wouldn't it be nice to put these threads in OTBT or signpost them as an ongoing 'in' chat thread?

Chou En Lai strikes again.

alpaca not sure if you are serious but I just wandered in this thread and joined in the madness.

Aside from the identity theft incident I think I've been made very welcome.

thigh Unfortunately I am the most lowly of team members, also at home today. I have resorted to eating toast and sour cherry jam.

Cute. If social services, sn school, respite and CAHMS can't sort the problems I have with my 15yr old daughter, you don't stand a chance.

crisis you are too undernourished to work. You need some bacon sandwiches and a few chunks of cake.

If you make the clock hands whizz round very quickly and strew discarded screwed up paper everywhere, this should give you a Hollywood Deadline .They always come good. Afterwards, stroll into work looking sexy, your bosses will love you!

Alpaca i don't know what that means at all, can you explain please?

one i think you should request that you get put into respite, somebody will provide you with hot food and laundered clothes while you rest. Some people call these 5 star hotels for bewildered ladies.

Look at the photo i posted above, that is the latest ad being thrown at me. Somebody is trying to force me to go and get married in China and possibly become Chinese. I know I'm offensive but why send me somewhere with internet restriction?

Fucko what did Alpaca mean? I don't know the acronym.

Crisis tricky, have you learned the art of walking very quickly whilst staring into the middle distance and carrying a piece of paper. You must do this really quickly at all times to avoid being given any projects to complete. Wear trainers.

OK i googled and found OTBT but this isn't a closed to new members thread at all. It's an ongoing game that evolves all the time and thrives on new members who we positively want to join in. It's exceptionally bawdy but not disablist, racist, homophobic or anything else ist. MN are very well aware of the thread and haven't deleted a single post. So, if you like us, come on in. If you don't - MN is a big place.

And come and massage my Inner Thigh.

Well, join the queue to massage the Great Inner Thigh, for we Thisters are legion.

Alpaca, you misunderstand us. We’re megalomaniacs. OTBT is the last place we want to be.

Have you brought us a problem?

Indeed, we are megalomaniacs in slankets, we present our Inner Thighs to each other in greeting. I'll be starved of attention in otbt and how would that soothe my roiling brain?

one That sounds exhausting. I don’t have a solution but I will offer

Do join us if you just need a distraction from real life, I’m fairly sure that accounts for why most of us are on here.

They are short of women in China, Thigh, it stands to reason that they would try and import you are a bride.

As a

I will be running through the office on my way to the exit if I don’t complete!

Bring me more food