Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

Who are the Fuckboys? I feel I might need to make their acquaintance.

You can order one from Argos No, but I was disappointed with mine, he was one of the 'retired' ones with nose hair and gnarly toenails. They don't make it clear in the description and the picture is none too clear.

In the good ol’ days (ie about 4 weeks ago) we used to find Fuckboys down by the river. Follow the bridle way. At one point we were also getting Groupon vouchers for them. Look under “Things To Do”

Omg! Just got a Groupon Ad when I posted that. Just above “Discover the Forest”.

And mattresses. This gets better and better.

The ads are the best thing about Mumsnet. Which reminds me! We still don’t have many suggestions for the new royal baby name. Only Gareth Slanket Myfanwy so far

Bras! Mumsnet, you’re killing me here (maybe that’s the plan??)

Lurpak. Ok, now I’m starting to wonder...

Did you send him back Dog? And will they deliver or is it Click and Collect? Getting I don't really have enough time to hang out by the river any more. Not since the court case.

I have an advert for Beautiful Loft Conversions.

In that case No you'd better opt for home delivery

Dog food and bat control.

Not bad.

Humane bat exclusion serving Texans for 18 years. Town Lake City construction.

You've been serving Texans for 18 years

I'd really need home delivery as I've never been nor will ever go to Texas.

no I think it's probably better to trim it off and fashion some fluffy boots, we don't need any trip hazards. My fuckboy hates using the hedgetrimmers, so the axe will have to do.

Dog whatever you do they'll end up with ear and nosehair, just accept it.

Getting to the best of my recollection i have not yet serviced a Texan. Illinoian, Floridian and Georgian yes, Texan, no.

Speaking of which, I wonder how Danglytassles is getting on with the Peter Stringfellow memorial tour? She's the main act, isn't she?

For those who are new, Dangly is a species-fluid stripper who is the font of all Thighland knowledge. She's our stripping, barking, drooling Wikipedia page equivalent

Ooh English White Labrador puppies for sale. But the picture is of a Jack Russell? Any mug can see that.

Ash Creek Homes - in the $400s.

Who's trying to force me to emigrate? Tough luck, my passport has expired and it wasn't an oversight.

3 year old ds threw an iron man toy at our new TV yesterday and broke the screen. Should I even bother getting another or punish him (and myself) and do without?

What! Salem State University in Boston!

Getting are you interfering with my ads?

Liz can you live without television? It's a toss up really kid / TV. I know which I'd choose.

wolf I believe you yearned for nicer bum hair? I think it needs pin curls or rags (hence being "on the rag") Ask at your local museum.

Thigh I thought you were actually answering Lizzle's question there when you mentioned Salem State university. Tell them he's "gifted and talented" and you don't need him back

wolf bum hair, grow it until it's 2 foot long then have it permed. It will fluff up enough to be a wonderful cushion.