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Original poster

Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 03/04/2019 21:48

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

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Thread gallery
30
thislido · 05/04/2019 22:29

I’ve seen these. They claim to be “like a hug”. Who the fuck hugs like that?

ProjectGainsborough · 05/04/2019 22:30

Who wants a ‘hug’?

ProjectGainsborough · 05/04/2019 22:31

Mmmm. Minstrels...

Would it be irresponsible to send the dark lord out now to get some?

thislido · 05/04/2019 22:32

Win win really. Either he survives and you get minstrels or he perishes and you get peace.

Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 22:33

I want a hug Sad

ProjectGainsborough · 05/04/2019 22:33

Obviously he should be in bed, but since he is roaming around shirtless in the style of lord of the flies, I think any potential mugger has more to be worried about than him

ProjectGainsborough · 05/04/2019 22:34

Ahhh getting I’ll hug you. I can be a bit handsy though

Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 22:35

Awww Project. All is forgiven. I'll vote of confidence you again. I don't mind hands

MidnightBlue28 · 05/04/2019 22:37

I’ve just been out for snacks... the fact that my snack hunt results in corpses who have ‘been attacked in the neck by a bbq fork’ is purely coincidental V~V

Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 22:39

Don't forget about forensix Midnight

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 22:41

Project has he got your car keys? Get him to fill up with petrol while he gets your snax. That way you won't have to pay.

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Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 22:41

Totally read that as "Yonis"

Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.
ProjectGainsborough · 05/04/2019 22:43

‘Free shipping over 47’ is disturbingly precise.

Not giving him the car thigh. Last time it came back with the bonnet crumpled and a boot full of diamonds. Terribly hard to explain to the insurance people.

DogHairEverywhere · 05/04/2019 22:43

OMG Midnight...you've just been out and have you seen the baby's belly in AIBU...definitely vampire marks (I daren't tell the mother though).

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 22:43

I fancy a hug in a mug. Hot chocolate 🍫

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Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 22:45

Can you give me a hug, Thigh?

DogHairEverywhere · 05/04/2019 22:47

Vampires in AIBU https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3552055-to-ask-what-the-hell-you-think-this-is

LosingOxygen · 05/04/2019 22:49

Please can I join? I started lurking last night and was laughing so hard at the plaited pubes conversation... My problem is this: how do you bring the sexy times with your OH when you are both overworked and can barely keep your eyes open??

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 22:50

Fuxake Getting i hugged you last month! Fine, I'll fondle your thigh with my Thigh too.

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Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 22:50

Awww, three little vampires and one of them has lost a tooth. Bless. (Or not bless. That would kill them)

Gettingnowhere · 05/04/2019 22:51

Losing do you really want sexy time with your "husband"? What does he have that a good Fuckboy doesn't?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 22:53

Oxy of course. Re sexy time, don't do it with your DH, you've munched that cock quite enough. Order a Fuckboy from Argos and have sex but don't move at all. Order him not to speak. Silence is what we require here.

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ProjectGainsborough · 05/04/2019 22:56

If that sounds like too much effort oxygen I believe lovehoney sell fuck-fuck eggs.

dog there’s a 14cm bastard spider on that thread Shock

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 23:00

I'm afraid to order fuck fuck eggs online after the dildo traffic cone mix up.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 05/04/2019 23:03

Did we decide on the royal baby's name? Myfanwy Slanket was being touted. May i suggest Merkin too?

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