Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

I’ve seen these. They claim to be “like a hug”. Who the fuck hugs like that?

Who wants a ‘hug’?

Mmmm. Minstrels...

Would it be irresponsible to send the dark lord out now to get some?

Win win really. Either he survives and you get minstrels or he perishes and you get peace.

I want a hug

Obviously he should be in bed, but since he is roaming around shirtless in the style of lord of the flies, I think any potential mugger has more to be worried about than him

Ahhh getting I’ll hug you. I can be a bit handsy though

Awww Project. All is forgiven. I'll vote of confidence you again. I don't mind hands

I’ve just been out for snacks... the fact that my snack hunt results in corpses who have ‘been attacked in the neck by a bbq fork’ is purely coincidental V~V

Don't forget about forensix Midnight

Project has he got your car keys? Get him to fill up with petrol while he gets your snax. That way you won't have to pay.

Totally read that as "Yonis"

‘Free shipping over 47’ is disturbingly precise.

Not giving him the car thigh. Last time it came back with the bonnet crumpled and a boot full of diamonds. Terribly hard to explain to the insurance people.

OMG Midnight...you've just been out and have you seen the baby's belly in AIBU...definitely vampire marks (I daren't tell the mother though).

I fancy a hug in a mug. Hot chocolate 🍫

Can you give me a hug, Thigh?

Vampires in AIBU https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3552055-to-ask-what-the-hell-you-think-this-is

Please can I join? I started lurking last night and was laughing so hard at the plaited pubes conversation... My problem is this: how do you bring the sexy times with your OH when you are both overworked and can barely keep your eyes open??

Fuxake Getting i hugged you last month! Fine, I'll fondle your thigh with my Thigh too.

Awww, three little vampires and one of them has lost a tooth. Bless. (Or not bless. That would kill them)

Losing do you really want sexy time with your "husband"? What does he have that a good Fuckboy doesn't?

Oxy of course. Re sexy time, don't do it with your DH, you've munched that cock quite enough. Order a Fuckboy from Argos and have sex but don't move at all. Order him not to speak. Silence is what we require here.

If that sounds like too much effort oxygen I believe lovehoney sell fuck-fuck eggs.

dog there’s a 14cm bastard spider on that thread

I'm afraid to order fuck fuck eggs online after the dildo traffic cone mix up.

Did we decide on the royal baby's name? Myfanwy Slanket was being touted. May i suggest Merkin too?