Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

Oh dear, I'm really very sorry Getting we can both be me for a time while you find your true self again!

Yes, we were very happy to be insulted again by the chunkster, we are hoping for more, it usually happens during the night or the early hours and is always most welcome!

Getting8 thigh* has been very upset without you, I think you should plan a nice surprise to cheer her up with. That is if your brain can still plan surpises? Or Anything?

Or surprises!

Getting i demand you be yourself you filthy cockmuncher! I'm confused and don't want to accidentally vent my spleen at lovely DT!

Getting I'm ordering you to be on the thread at all times.

That pineapple is certainly an early riser. I wonder if she's a pineapple farmer? That rules out a lot of the UK. It pains me to think she could be enjoying herself in the Caribbean yet stuff obsessively following a thread she disapproves of.

Was Angie a real person or a spam bot? Why would anyone target Thighland for weight loss? Slankets and snax yes, diets and dresses no.

Is pineapple joking or does she actually hate thighland? Whats her deal?

wolf she follows us to tell us we're smug, (clever) and have no friends.

I detect no humour or irony.

Nobody knows Lone I hope that she is real, it's brilliant!

Aw I hope she comes back, I wonder how many friends she has? Millions clearly! Show us your ways oh mighty pineapple!

Have any of you actually tried snax? Like the crisps? The actual crisps not the word 😂 an irish gem ❤

wolf no, i just like the word. Could you post a picture of snax, I'll screeneat them.

Reg have you made the revisions to the BumTips?

Enjoy!

where am I?

I have just woken up in a ditch, the last 24 hours is just a blur. I dreamed of lawns and peacocks...

Why are my legs painted in creosote?

DT i wonder if she's an unsatisfied customer of yours? Have you done a turn as a novelty strippagram recently and accidentally hit some old trout in the face with your fanny shooting a rugby ball routine? It's a shame you're too bucket fannied for ping pong balls but what can you do?

Pooter have you been out on the lash and shagged the Dallas Cowboys? Pooter does Dallas. I admire your courage, i know you still weep for your lover, Winston Churchill.

wolf mmm, they look yummy, made with real tayto. There may be a schmethical dilemma though. Are these catholic crisps? I'm the product of a mixed marriage you see so I could only eat half the pack unless they're ecumenical.

Dear Thigh,
My teenage children come home from school, demand snack, eat snack, also apparently eat chocolate etc bought by their 'boyfriends', complain about dinner, eat two mouthfuls and bin rest of dinner, ask about pudding (not usually provided), sigh and return to their bedrooms to watch crap on their phones.
Tonight I have despaired and rebelled and am drinking Prosecco and eating pistachios rather than providing snacks or dinner.
Can you help me move into the full Fuck It All phase and start enjoying this evening rather than bearing the weight of parental guilt and a slight wine/pistachio/Mother's Day chocolate headache.
Am sat on sofa already.

thigh it could be I am a bit accident prone sometimes and I do tend to launch missiles at every opportunity.

It could be from the time when I thought a grenade was one of my rugby balls and, well once I realised I had to expel the thing quite quickly...

It was quite a scene but the first response paramedics were amazing! I have nothing but praise for the NHS.

If a man said to you "i weewy wuv u" would you get excited and want to nosh him off?

Asking for a friend.

If a man said that to me I would wave a machete at his head and tell him to scarper!

Drookit stop looking after your children, they are now their 'boyfriends' responsibility and no longer have anything at all to do with you.

Don't feed them at all from now on and carry on eating all of the house snax yourself and drinking Prosecco. One day you'll move on to drinking pints of Winka or Wodka and you'll never look back!

If your DH complains we can kill him for you. Nobody will ever know!

Drrokit move from a sitting to a lying down position. Do you have enough alcohol? Before you tuck into more nip to the offy and get loads along with tons of snax and i think you should move the telly into your room.

They go to their rooms, so should you. Lock the door and never minister to them again.

oh dear...I have a problem for thigh to solve...how do I deal with having just failed utterly to agree with all my (male) colleagues about whether or not a quote was offensive?

I need to learn how to care a lot less what people think of me...

Yes, every crisp is rubbed off the willy of real life catholic priests. Its what gives them the cheesy flavour. You will never be able to only eat half a packet. Try if you dare!