Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

That's ok Summer all body fluids are acceptable around here and absolutely no need for any standards at all, even low ones!

No standards at all!? This is a game changer. I am in dangly

petty I have anointed my pallid pins with "shit pipe villas" and now they look amazing. I now have no need to actually go on holiday. Believe me, this is quite a relief, judging by the all the chuntering on AIBU.

I am still getting posher by the minute. Fuckboy's chin has receded a bit and one child has had all her post grad qualifications rescinded. Boy, is she mad at me.

I do have a problem. You might know that In the Line of Duty just started a new series. I suggested we watch it. DP said "oh it's series 5. We might as well watch it from the first series."

I have watched all four previous series in what I like to call my "lunch break" on my days off work whist kids at school. DP doesn't know this.

I have since watched series 1 ep 1 without shouting "I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS..."

Do I fess up now?

It is difficult viewing as it's all about characters faced with a difficult choice who do the WRONG thing.

Nah - you should totally pretend to be psychic and predict all the outcomes in more and more technicolour detail until he either twigs, or founds a religion with you at its centre.

With major consequences...

That will work M3lon as I always predict outcomes and I am always right. Why my new religion has not been founded I don't know...

Yeah, (good show that is btw), but yes agree with M3 pretend you have 'the gift' and then you can use this to manipulate him into doing what you want for the rest of your lives.

DH if you don't go to kitchen and get me a packet of Monster Munch I forsee terrible things happening to you ...

summer watch it intently in case they are showing the Director's Cut or a version made for the Disney Channel. I myself develop mild amnesia quite easily, perhaps you could do the same. Failing that, have an urgent body fluid emergency then ask him to tell you what you've missed.

Go into a trance before the programme begins, and make a detailed prophecy. Say you always have this power after a little tipple. Experiment again with each episode.

thigh dangly I keep forgetting the way of thigh and going outside and doing things. Energetic things, things that use brain power, things I don't really want to do, but other people want me to. Help me find my way back to the thisterhood.

Luaa I am having such issues. Just had to school run. Not cool.

The speed that this thread moves at ia mind boggling. I only checked it a few hours ago and so much has happened since. Do you know what? I think its time I bought myself a god damn slanket! And my bought i mean order online because I'm lazy as fuck and why get off my arse when I can get someone else to bring it to my door! Slanket reccommendations people?

lonewolf I just googled and many slankets are suspiciously out of stock. Is this a revolution or a conspiracy??

wolf on Amazon type in Slanket winter uniform, piss proof, extra fat.

These ones look amazing! Ill check amazon now too. So many choices, who knew!? This is definatly the way forward. I have always been a dressing gown, no bra kinda gal. I think slankets will be my new favourite thing.

HOWEVER, what do you do when you need a fag? Do you have to remove your slanket 😯 or do they transport well?

Luaa Summer stop doing things, do not do anything at all, if in doubt have a little snooze until you make your mind up.

If it is DHs causing these pressures tell them to go fuck themselves and swing a machete menacingly around their heads. That'll be an end to it!

As per the school run, just leave the children there, the school will have them re-homed. Otherwise tell them to come back by themselves and that they now live next door.

It could be that the people next door were dying to have children and will consider it a blessing!

Wolf smoking while slanketing just improves everything, don't set yourself on fire though.

Slankets look even better with piss, crumbs and fag burns on them.

urgent bodily fluid emergency

Ew i just realised that ones for 2 people. Not a chance! Disgusting. DP can piss on his own slanket.

thigh you really do have all the answers dont you? Perfect! I hope they enjoy coffee stains too! Because lord knows I cant drink a cup of coffee with out spilling the bastard.

Wolf exactly - I didn't want to say anything in case you were just buying an extra wide one - for yourself. DT wears a triple, I often wear a car cover.

wolf I try, i really do. But yesterday rabbit complained that I wouldn't help her find the perfect dress. How could I? It's like asking me to not like the movie "Platoon" starring sexy Tom Berenger - beyond my control.

I'm depressed without Getting - she makes me puke but somehow I need her here.

All my vitriol is turning inwards and making me lose my powers.

I can only get one of my three arse cheeks into a tripple since joining Thighland but I still love myself because of the megalomania!