Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 01/04/2019 19:07

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 20:36

So good it restarts your heart! Just like Wodka/Winka!!

DogHairEverywhere · 02/04/2019 20:37

My bum colour is Tetley tea brown, from all the dunking.

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 20:42

I like to think mine's magenta but not agile enough to view my own arse!

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 20:43

Although we could ask the dirty old gits at the gentlemens' club I do my turn at, theyve all seen it!

HerRoyalFattyness · 02/04/2019 20:44

Hi thigh i have another problem.
Today is autism awareness day.
I have autism
My DP does not seem aware that i am here and I'm not being waited on hand and foot.
Its MY day!
Why isn't he aware and how can i make him aware?

thislido · 02/04/2019 20:49

Royal do you have a integral garage?

ProjectGainsborough · 02/04/2019 20:51

Billy here’s a set of detailed instructions for your builder, a la Edgar Allen Poe or Thomas the tank engine.

Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 20:52

Royal Autism is excellent, congratz. It is a new way of seeing the whole world - rather like Thighland. Happy Autism Day, but you didn't need to be told that.

OP posts:
TanglyDassles · 02/04/2019 20:53

Huh? What's going on? Where am I? WHO am I? Woof

ProjectGainsborough · 02/04/2019 20:53

Royal this is most unfair. Have you tried screaming at the top of your lungs until he does what you want?

HerRoyalFattyness · 02/04/2019 20:53

this no, no garage.
thigh autism, and by extension me, is awesome Grin

HerRoyalFattyness · 02/04/2019 20:54

project now theres an idea...

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 20:54

With BumTips - we would be selling them on S&B to the S&B mugz. I ain't colouring in my arsehole for nothing or nobody.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 20:55

I've never actually said that sentence before, and that's not like me.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 20:55

Royal go and tell him you want a present and it better be food!

Tell him if you are not made happier soon you will make sure his carcass goes to the pigs!

He will bring you something nice then I'm sure of it!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 20:57

In fact....

I feel a mock up of a product coming on....BumTips. And a thread on S&B about how awesome it is for your bumhole to finally match your face whilst being bleach free and Eco-friendly.

OP posts:
TanglyDassles · 02/04/2019 20:58

Who are all you people? Woof. Bring your bums closer so I can sniff them

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 20:58

Royal what happens if you are blunt about it "I am autistic and I want stuff"?

That generally works.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 20:58

TanglyDassles but who is this? Are you a NC chunky fruit???

If so have you now developed a sense of humour then?

TanglyDassles · 02/04/2019 20:59

Fruit? What is fruit? I'm so confused. My mind is a big tangle with balls hanging from it

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 21:00

Project why would you potty train the Dark Lord in Training?

The child is always correct, he senses things. Does he have his own personal Rottweiler and a mysterious nanny called Mrs Baylock who you and your husband, the American Ambassador to Great Britain, were surprised to see?

OP posts:
thislido · 02/04/2019 21:01

We can probably also sell them to the craft people for colouring pebbles and whatnot.

DanglyTassles · 02/04/2019 21:01

Pineapple is that you trying to be me??

You should have gone for 'Sharon fruit' instead !!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 21:03

Project that's a very detailed drawing of the building requirements. Did you train as a quantity surveyor before becoming Theresa May.

Dangly I can't deal with you as a dog and as a trans fat Labrador / Novelty strippagram!

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 02/04/2019 21:03

Dangly would that make you dog/dog/stripper?

OP posts: