Is there an AMA American thread?

[upskilledotter]

I have so many (probably really boring) questions to ask of Americans (USA) but don’t know if a suitable thread exists.

Front-loading machines are much more popular here now than top loaders. I've had a front-loading Miele for over 20 years. Front loaders sold in the US tend to be bigger than those designed for the European market. My Miele, for example, is the largest non-commercial machine they make. My daughter just bought an absolutely huge LG front loader.

Top loaders can hold less because the agitator takes up space. I can select a quick wash that takes 28 minutes or a long cycle that takes over an hour, with several options in between and special wash programs for trainers, pillows, towels, outerwear, etc.

Halloween decorations are in the stores, and my daughter just bought a Christmas creche at Costco. I haven't seen anything Thanksgiving related yet.

There's a fabulous artisan ice cream shop near me. They make everything on-site and use locally sourced dairy products and other ingredients whenever possible. I stopped in there yesterday to buy a few pints of ice cream to take home and saw on their menu that they have root beer floats, along with some other soda options, including Coke.

The ick: Europeans who don't tip appropriately in restaurants. Yes, I know it's very different here, and I've heard all of the arguments that servers should simply have higher wages. I waited tables and tended bar while attending uni. What most people don't understand about restaurant service in the US is that your server has to "tip out" a percentage of their sales to staff who don't get tips directly (kitchen staff, food runners, bussers, etc.). If you leave no tip or a very small tip they will lose money on your table. I've seen arguments in restaurants among the staff about who is going to serve the table of Germans or Brits who just sat down because they know they will likely get stiffed.

I am having PTSD here at the memory of when I first arrived in the US and complimented a colleague on her homely house...

Oh yes Europeans who say they shouldn't have to tip because they don't at home, but they expect Americans to obey European customs when they visit. That's ick. People may dislike tipping, but you don't fix the system by stiffing the server. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to go. If we didn't have tips they'd raise the prices 20%. It would be fairer but it would come out the same financially to the customer.

What are the “European customs”? Genuine question as not sure it’s possible to have common ones.

Do Americans have pre-conceived ideas of Europe?

Take on board our different views on tipping - and interesting that it’s an “ick”.

Will think twice about homely too and other words where we assume same meaning!

Teeth thing is weird as I do think European teeth look more “natural” but that’s not a criticism of American teeth

Thank you all for contributing to this thread - so many interesting perspectives.

In this case I'm lumping it together to make a point, not that customs across Europe are uniform. It's more that there are people from Europe who are very hypocritical about "when in Rome". It's not that tipping is or isn't correct, the ick is going to another country and saying you don't have to respect their customs. I would rather not tip, but I'm not going to demand that the server work for peanuts. It won't hurt the owner, it would just reward them for paying poorly. I don't go to France and start tipping everyone 20% just because I've got used to it here.

the teeth thing is so complicated and so stereotypical, I also blame Hollywood. The other thing is that if you are poor in the US, since dental isn't covered under health insurance and dental has a cap, you may go without. (Canada also excludes dental from standard health care, apparently dentists were very conservative back in the day.) So it's very divided, and with the decline of NHS dentistry I see things going the same way. My experience is that the US really is right about some things. Their approach to orthodontics is better, I feel like the NHS tries to drag it out to avoid paying for it, so kids don't get it as early as they should. One of my three didn't need any, fwiw! Sometimes the British assume that Americans are only concerned with aesthetics and looking like their teeth are perfect, so they start dismissing the benefits of some of the treatment. If you have dental insurance they really do emphasise preventative care, twice yearly cleanings and checks, and my experience with that has been excellent.

Oh I agree that the mouthful of huge blue-white teeth that you often get in the US is weird in itself. But it’s much more rare here that I see teeth that have visible tartar, or that look like they’ve never been cleaned.

Having said that, I live in rural Maine so I’ve seen way more ‘normal’ teeth than in more urban parts of the US, and much more then you’ll ever see on TV.

School buses -
In both the elementary school districts and high school district here, school buses are only for special ed students. My suburb is about 4.5 square miles, with a population density of about 11,500 per square mile. Kids walk, bike, drive, carpool, or take the bus to school if not in special ed. Electric bikes and e-scooters have become extremely popular..

I'm in a county wide school district in suburban DC. lots of school buses.

also in some states they mandate that if bus transportation is provided that it include private schools within a certain radius. The rules on busing are at state level, which is why ridership varies significantly by state. California, surprisingly, is lowest. Special education is an exception: if it's in someone's IEP (EHCP equivalent) it must be provided, federal law.

My county is also the most religiously diverse in the USA, so it's not what Brits may envision. Plenty of people belong to a congregation, but many don't, and nothing dominates.

There's significant regional differences in the US, with the South being mainly Protestant (mainly Black Protestant and evangelical, especially Baptist), the largest group in the Northeast being Catholics but many are not active, and the Mormon Belt in the Mountain West. The Pacific Northwest is often called unchurched but I think New England actually has the lowest rates of church attendance.

Why are the toilet doors and walls so small in public bathrooms?

re healthcare in US v UK.

I noticed a lump on my back August 2, checked online and got an appointment with my primary care doctor 9 am next morning - just a fluke. She sent me right to ultrasound one floor down and referred me for a surgical consult. Saw the surgeon yesterday and today they called to offer surgery next Wednesday. Before then I have to get an EKG - walk in, no appointment needed. Open 6 days a week 8 to 6.

This is not thought to be cancer or anything endangering my health, but needs taken care of. The speed makes it much less frightening!

DSis coincidentally also has a lump of unknown origin. She is still waiting for ultrasound in the UK, and hers is twice the size of mine.

About special education
My son is severly autistic and has always gone to a special school
Im on an American facebook group for parents of children with similar needs
I have asked wether there are special schools and its not really clear
My understanding is that there are special Ed classes within mainstream schools?
How does that work are they totally seperate from mainstream classes or do they mix at all?
I

The most common approach has been to mainstream special needs students as much as possible and provide "push in" assistance (like a one-on-one aide) in a regular classroom. This avoids stigmatizing the student by pulling them out of class. My son was language delayed, and this is what they did for him, along with sessions with a language therapist after school.

That said, some school districts do have separate schools for students with profound disabilities or students who are highly disruptive.

Yes we have students with 1:1s in mainstream school in uk too
Its more of the severly disabled im thinking of non verbsl severe learning disabillities etc
I may have misunderstood
But group members have talked about special Ed classes in msinstream schools .
In the uk its latgely depedent on whats avasilable in the locsl authourity and can be very hit and miss.

But group members have talked about special Ed classes in msinstream schools

States and school districts within them have a lot of autonomy in how they handle special education. And for some, it may come down to cost. Special ed classes are much less expensive than one-on-one help in a mainstream classroom.

Provision for special education varies a good deal from one city or state to the next. Friends of mine have a child with severe disabilities in a special education classroom in an urban setting. The city offers about eight different types of special education classrooms: one style for language development, one for managing disruptive behavior, one specifically designed to support deaf students, and so on. As far as I can tell, my friends' son's classroom focuses mainly on helping the students communicate in phrases and simple sentences. They also do some art, music, and physical therapy. Much of the instruction is one-on-one.

This classroom is situated in a mainstream primary school (not the local one that the boy's siblings attended, but one in another neighborhood). There is little mixing with the mainstream primary program, aside from using the same facilities.

Students with special needs are usually allowed to remain in state-funded education until they turn 22. In the city where my friends live, special education is a year-round program. All of the usual public holidays are observed, but classes run through the summer.

I think both special ed classes within mainstream and school education schools exist in the US. I know parents whose DC attend both types of placements. From what they say the special ed classes are more self contained than a lot of the ARPs we have in England. Although I don’t know if that applies to all special ed classes or whether they differ like ARPs vary.

I have 2 kids with autism.

there are different levels of support and the federal law requires the "least restrictive environment" for the student (I.e. the least restrictive environment where they can learn).

so a student might be in inclusion (mainstream) which could just have extra supports like social skills lessons. There could be a co-taught class where there's a regular teacher and a special education teacher working together. They could be in the mainstream class for part of the day, and in a special class for part of it (eg a dyslexic student could be in a special reading class). They might have a 1:1 (LSA) for part or all of the day.

then there's fully self contained classes within a mainstream school. The students would join the typical students for lunch and possibly for lessons like gym and art.

This continues through high school. The flexibility means that for children who are academically capable in some subjects but not others that they can tailor their schedule. The downside is that if a child mainly struggles due to the size of a mainstream school but is academically capable, there may not be good alternatives.

fhe tier after that is a dedicated special education school. Depending on where you live and the disability in question, it might be operated by the school district, or a consortium of districts, or it could be private. Just like the UK, if the district is the one who places the student in private school (or if you sue for it) they will pay the tuition.

so in my experience, only autistic students who require major supports or have significant behaviours would be placed in a special school. The majority now will be in a mainstream school, either in inclusion or in a special class in the same building. Complex or unusual disabilities often go to special schools. Deaf students who require full time ASL instruction are sent to specialist schools (there are deaf/HoH classes within regular schools as well).

My son has certain learning disabilities (note in the US "learning disability" is what in the UK is called "learning difficulty"), mainly dyslexia and an auditory processing disorder. He had special classes for some subjects and was mainstreamed for others. As a young adult, he also enrolled in free adult literacy classes in our community, which also helped to improve his reading ability. He still needs help with complex documents (like his mortgage documentation), but overall, his education needs were well met by the school system and additional support after graduation.

I have a niece who is a certified ASL interpreter who worked in the school system as a 1:1 interpreter for a Deaf student. Our state also has a state-run boarding school for Deaf students, which many prefer so as to be more involved in Deaf culture.

Here’s another word usage one to be aware of. in the U.S., a jumper is someone who commits suicide by jumping off something, usually a bridge.

There's a bridge near me that crosses the Hudson River where this happens a few times a year, which is what made me think of it. That and Keely mentioned ordering team jumpers in the newest episode of Ted Lasso.

To be fair that term can also be used here. I live near several bridges that are known for jumpers 😞

I just went to my first pep rally at my kids school. Wow! It is just like the movies. Haha. If you want to age a peek ar a high school marching band have a look at ours on Instagram katy.high.school.band.boosters. I did a reel of the pep rally at school and we have one of the town pep rally which introduced the teams for the upcoming season. First football game is tonight!

I’m back with more questions- thank you so much to everyone for previous insights. I can only speak for myself but I have found responses enlightening.

My current fascination is weddings (not personally, but through watching tv).

One thing I can’t get my head around (and think it may be film/tv based and not representative of real life is “rehearsal weddings”.

Are these a thing? Is it close to actual wedding day? Are they expensive and who foots the bill? What are they meant to achieve?

And if I can be allowed one more question (non wedding related) what is jay walking? And are the consequences severe? I sort of know what it is (crossing road without signal) but wonder how it is actually enforced!

Rehearsal dinner (not rehearsal wedding): it happens the night before the actual wedding and is hosted by the bride’s family. Invited are the bridal party and groomsmen, b&g and any other close family of b&g (eg grandparents). You dress nicely but not as nicely as for the wedding. As cheap or expensive as you want them to be, and not always held either. Meant to achieve….who knows! I (bride) didn’t have one as British and didn’t apply to me.

Jaywalking: crossing the road other than at a permitted crossing. Police can issue you with a ticket if they catch you. Recently decriminalized in NYC where it was a batshit rule anyway. It sounds ridiculous to a Brit, and anomalous too (surprising to many Brits how prudish and/or rule following Americans can be about some things, including apparently crossing the street between crossings…in a land where people can carry and use guns in public!).

Wedding rehearsals are common but not universal. Couples who are getting married at the courthouse, or who are having genuinely small weddings, don't bother. Those who are having medium to large weddings usually do.

My brother and sister-in-law had a sensible, not-too-fancy wedding in their university chapel, with 100-120 guests. There was a full program of events the day before: wedding rehearsal in the late morning with the officiant, the members of the wedding party, and close relatives; lunch at a restaurant for the same group of people, paid for by the groom's parents; then a late afternoon/ early evening pool party at the hotel where many guests were staying, with sandwiches, chips, and cut vegetables. The last was mainly to give the teen and twentysomething cousins something to do the evening before the wedding.

When a wedding is big, the rehearsal dinner (or lunch) gives the immediate family a chance to socialize with each other in a way that they may not get to on the wedding day. Also, distances are great enough in the U.S. that many wedding guests have to turn up at least one day beforehand. The pre-wedding program keeps the out-of-town guests entertained.

In my experience, the rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom's family. This especially makes sense in days of yore when the wedding was held in the bride's town (and paid for by the bride's parents) and many of the groom's family were from out of town. Traditionally, the guests at a rehearsal dinner are the wedding party and the out of town guests. DH and I hosted the rehearsal dinner when our son got married.

When DH and I got married, my dad hosted the rehearsal dinner (parents divorced). My mother paid for most of our wedding, but DH had been married before and his parents had a we will pay for one wedding/rehearsal dinner per child rule. They had five children so fair enough. So it worked out well for my dad to host our rehearsal dinner.

I live in the Deep South, and it is still very common for parents to pay for weddings, even when they bride and groom are older and well-established financially.