I'm 14 and know everything so AMA

[Daboomboom]

In my 14 years on this earth I have gained more experience and knowledge than anyone else ever so AMA because I will know.

There was a whole loaf there yesterday, where has it gone

And also there was a knife just left on the side, with crumbs and remnants of chocolate spread, then when I looked in the chocolate spread there are crumbs in there too

We spoke about this last week, what have you got to say for yourself?

When you leave home the day after you turn 16, where are you going to live? And how are you going to pay for it?

Natural skilllzzz innit.

Lucy says that we shouldn't be restrained by preconceived ideas of success. She said that her parents have said that when she finishes her GCSEs she can take a year out while she decides what she wants to do. She makes really good Minecraft towns so we've all told her that she needs to print some examples and send them to Google. She thinks she will only be able to get an entry level job that way (cos it's all fixed so only rich white men get the good jobs - mum agreed with that so now Im wondering if it is true) but we've said that once she is in, she can arrange a meeting with the boss person and when he sees what she can do, he will give her a promotion. She has promised us that if this happens, she will give us jobs.

😆😆😆

Why do I need to do everything? If you're so clever you can find that out by yourself.

How old were you when you realised you live in a magical, self-cleaning house?

So, when you’ve left home and return a week later because you can’t afford to feed yourself, or pay the rent, will you give your parents board and help with chores?

My mum would go nuclear if I swore so I only do that when I think she cant hear me.

I do it all at school. Ob. Vi. Ous. Ly.

God. Why is everyone so obsessed with homework? If the teachers did their job and taught stuff during the lesson we wouldnt need homework. I know all of it anyway so Im only thinking about the others.

I see, the answer is (c)..

Good luck then.. !

Dunno. Im never having kids. They are horrible and it might make me act like my mum which would be awful.

Why do 14 year olds shout and roll their eyes when asked perfectly reasonable questions?

I have to look like Im studying but Im not really cos I know it all.

I dont want to talk about my mum. She is a horrible person.

No because Im not allowed anything other than water in my room because they treat me like a child.

You shouldn’t have left that mouldy sandwich under your bed then should you?

Why don’t you ever use a coaster?

Because it's too much effort to open the window. Im 14, I can make my own decision on whether I should open my curtains.

Is the answer to life, the universe and everything really ‘42’? And what was the real colour of that viral dress from a few years back - blue and black or white and gold?

God. Parent humour is lame.

When I ask if you’ve tidied your room / had a wash / got dressed, were you really ‘just about to?’ Or did you have no intention of completing said tasks until I mentioned it?

Hello mother, what has the 14 year old done to piss you off today then?

Will my 15yo wear a plain black coat to school? This one: https://www.decathlon.co.uk/p/_/R-p-301681?mc=8612171

How come your diffuser hairdryer cost more than your grandmother’s vacuum cleaner? <not bitter, no, not at all>

Hahahah

Mine are.

Ive told them that I will be moving out the day after my 16th birthday. Thinking about it, I havent told them that in the last few days so I'll need to do that today. Not that they'll care.