I'm a lesbian! AMA

[Alysskea]

Partly want to get some representation on here for same sex couples and our experience :)

@Alysskea thanks for answering my question, and I am sorry that you and your wife still get harassed in public. It's not something you should have to get used to.

Do you watch Killing Eve and what did you think of the finale?

Oh wow, I'm glad your family were supportive but I'm so sorry your wife went through that! Is she in contact with her family now?

Do you have children or would you like to have children one day? (sorry that is more of a personal question, I just like finding out about other people's lives because I'm nosey so feel free not to answer 😁)

I’m a lesbian too, hello! What do you think of Stonewall nowadays & did you know that Nancy Kelley compared lesbianism to sexual racism?

@BadHairDayExpert

Do you watch Killing Eve and what did you think of the finale?

Please don't hate me but I just couldn't get into it

@EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn

I’m a lesbian too, hello! What do you think of Stonewall nowadays & did you know that Nancy Kelley compared lesbianism to sexual racism?

Hello!!!! Yeah, stonewall has absolutely lost itself. I remember when it was a great organisation and now it's a joke

@TheChild

Oh wow, I'm glad your family were supportive but I'm so sorry your wife went through that! Is she in contact with her family now?

Do you have children or would you like to have children one day? (sorry that is more of a personal question, I just like finding out about other people's lives because I'm nosey so feel free not to answer 😁)

No she doesn't have any contact with them. My family have accepted her as one of us and she's learning to be part of a family again which is great. Her fam are missing out!!

Yes we are actually on the waiting list for donor treatment I would love to be a mum so much

@crackingreward

Do you think you are the only one?

Yeah I'm actually Sappho herself

Not so much a question but something I’ve always wondered.

Every lesbian couple I know apart from 2, have one partner that’s quite stereotypically feminine and one partner that’s quite stereotypically masculine.

I never understand why if you are a lesbian and are attracted to females why you would want to be with someone who is masculine.

Hi @Alysskea. How does being gay affect your choice of holiday destination? How much research do you have to do on local customs/ views? My sister is gay and I remember her mentioning this to me a few years ago and it hadn’t occurred to me. Obviously some countries are very anti gay/ it’s illegal to be openly gay there. I find this so sad that the risks/ hassle make some destinations not worth it. As a straight, married women this isn’t something I have ever had to worry about.

Also, are most of your friends gay too? And how did you meet them? My sister and her partner’s friends are nearly all gay, except those that stayed close since school/ the odd one from previous jobs

Hello!!!! Yeah, stonewall has absolutely lost itself. I remember when it was a great organisation and now it's a joke

Isn’t it!

@EssexLioness

Hi *@Alysskea*. How does being gay affect your choice of holiday destination? How much research do you have to do on local customs/ views? My sister is gay and I remember her mentioning this to me a few years ago and it hadn’t occurred to me. Obviously some countries are very anti gay/ it’s illegal to be openly gay there. I find this so sad that the risks/ hassle make some destinations not worth it. As a straight, married women this isn’t something I have ever had to worry about.

Also, are most of your friends gay too? And how did you meet them? My sister and her partner’s friends are nearly all gay, except those that stayed close since school/ the odd one from previous jobs

I'm really glad you asked this because it's another one people don't realise. I remember my friend said to me and my wife 'let's all go to Dubai!!' And we just gawked at her. I mean as if! We deliberately seek out gay friendly resorts and hotels in places we no are safe - so basically Western Europe or the canaries. This is because of the threat of discrimination but also just how horrible it feels being somewhere where you are illegal. That said, some places in the UK we can't go either!

Yeah to be honest most of my friends are gay! I think I gravitated to gay people in school and uni without even realising it, plus I've made friends through activism. I do have straight friends though of course!

@WonderfulYou

Not so much a question but something I’ve always wondered.

Every lesbian couple I know apart from 2, have one partner that’s quite stereotypically feminine and one partner that’s quite stereotypically masculine.

I never understand why if you are a lesbian and are attracted to females why you would want to be with someone who is masculine.

I mean simply put even if someone has short hair and wears 'masculine' clothes that doesn't make them a man or male. They've still got all the right bits in the right places lol.

@Alysskea thanks for answering. Funny you should say Dubai actually because we have family working out there and obviously welcome to go and stay but it just isn’t an option for them.
My sister and partner spend a lot of time in Europe too, especially Turkey and Cyprus. They have also gone further afield to New Zealand, LA and Jamaica. Interested that you say you can’t go to some places in the U.K.. Where and why? I have never heard my sister mention this and would assume uk all fine.

I'm sorry there are places in the uk you can't go. That's disappointing.

In my area I see little sign of homophobia- lots of same sex neighbour couples- but I have straight privilege so 🤷🏼‍♀️.

In your opinion, is sexual orientation innate or learned?

@EssexLioness @picklemewalnuts it's not like we'd be driven out but say we wanted to stay at a B&B or something, it's so exhausting to get 'the look' and we'd just rather not sometimes!

@mrziggycoco

In your opinion, is sexual orientation innate or learned?

I think it's innate, but that's just me! It feels integral to who I am in that way.

Is sex mostly oral? Or do you use phallic toys?

@TheVolturi

Is sex mostly oral? Or do you use phallic toys?

Yes sorry were being the crude ones!! Just curious!! But I see so much on MN about straight women watching lesbian porn, do you personally watch lesbian porn or does other genre porn filter in > odd Q I know!

Is there more of that from men? My husband is a bit self absorbed- not in a bad way- but he'd be slow to catch on so he'd maybe give you a blink or two. I know some men have that whole 'male gaze, what's in it for me' look. Makes your skin crawl, and you may get more of that as a lesbian couple.

@TheVolturi @WhatsErFace2020 definitely don't use phallic toys, usually no toys at all. Oral is part of it and like... hand based? Haha.

I don't watch porn at all I find it pretty awful.

@picklemewalnuts

Is there more of that from men? My husband is a bit self absorbed- not in a bad way- but he'd be slow to catch on so he'd maybe give you a blink or two. I know some men have that whole 'male gaze, what's in it for me' look. Makes your skin crawl, and you may get more of that as a lesbian couple.

Yeah we do get it from men a lot! Sometimes women but much less often

Yeah I don’t get it. What’s the big deal?

Nice to hear from another lesbian not captured by stonewall!

also, if you don’t get why being a lesbian is still a big deal you probably aren’t one. In fact it’s a bigger issue now than it’s ever been.