I'm a lesbian! AMA

[Alysskea]

Partly want to get some representation on here for same sex couples and our experience :)

@SurvivingTheGame Same here, also a lesbian and feel similarly about a lot of things.

How was your wedding?

Why do so many lesbians enjoy dressing/acting in such a masculine way? I get not needing or wanting to dress to attract the traditional nodding dog male, but why so blokey? I’m confused why someone who fancies women would present themselves in such a masculine vibe, and similarly a female who is attracted to females is attracted to someone that appears to be trying to appear male (or at least not female).

Exactly.

Back when I came out, lesbians were supported by an organisation called Stonewall & people who thought we should be open to having heterosexual sex were rightly seen as homophobic.

Now lesbians are oppressed by an organisation called Stonewall & their CEO says that if we’re not open to heterosexual sex we’re ‘sexual racists’.

In my town we have a 'Gay Village' which consists of mostly male gay bars, a gay pub, various bars with drag queen shows, a leather/bear men only club, a men only sauna and a few 'gay shops' which all seems to be selling a version of men's tighty whities and leather harnesses. Then there's 1 lesbian bar. If you (or other lesbians reading this) go to other 'gay village' type places in the UK have you found it to be similar, that the lgbt places all seem to be very male focussed? I often go there with my male gay friends and always wondered why there was such disparity between places for the men and places for the women, if it's down to demand or just the patriarchy at play.

I'm obviously not the op but I do have a lesbian DD who shaves her head and wears traditionally masculine clothes. Except they're just clothes and just a hair cut. Same as I'm not a woman because I wear a dress, she isn't a man because she wears trousers, shirt, tie and braces. We all like different clothes. They don't change material reality or mean that somebody is rejecting their womanhood. DD is a bloody proud and feminist young woman.

totally off the mark and maybe TMI, I’m straight and married, but when I see two women on the tv or porn lesbians always look like they have more fun and much more intimacy. Don’t know what question I’m asking 🙄

So what? It's hardly unusual. You're not special.

@Bunnyfuller Not the OP, but the reason my partner presents in quite a butch way is nothing to do with men. It's just how she feels most comfortable. We don't have traditional male and female roles in the relationship despite me looking very feminine and her not so much; we do what we like and are good at (and are able to, in my case, owing to disability).

@doveseternal What a weird, nasty comment. Plenty of people had questions for OP, and a handful of other lesbians have popped up to chat. Don't bother replying if you're not interested...

To be honest i hate PDA regardless of sexuality! Have never felt the need to publicly kiss 🙄

I can’t believe I just read that.

Im just going to sit here for a bit in shock.

Also not the op, but from what I’ve heard from friends, they aren’t dressing masculine, just comfortable, to say they look like men based on clothes and a haircut is just playing up to stereotypes, which is why we are in the mess we are! personally I dress in what is seen as a typical feminine way and that’s generally what I’m attracted to as well so cant speak for myself.

Do you feel it’s important/that you had to come out to your family and friends rather than saying casually I had a date with Jane yesterday, hope she calls me… kind of thing.

Just chucking in my perspective - but FWIW, I never get why straight women are surprised that lesbians might be attracted to masculine-presenting women. Surely it's obvious? You straight women get why a man in a great suit is sexy, right? Well, imagine someone in a great suit, but ... without the annoying dangly bits, and with a much nicer body. What's not to love?!

@Innocenta and @ShowOfHands thank you for replying in the spirit of the thread. I realise clothes and hair don’t make a person, and totally get the non traditional roles (and am jealous! Friends in same sex relationships don’t seem to suffer the man child bs I do on occasion!). It just can appear sometimes that some lesbians (more than straight females) gravitate to not just comfy clothes (and I am no fan of the tight and constricted items women seem to be expected to wear) but it is more emphatically a masculine look. It wasn’t a judgement on who feels comfortable in what, I’ve just seen more instances in lesbians than straights.

@Sortilege it’s AMA. I haven’t been disrespectful, I have asked a question. One that I know other heterosexual people wonder about.

Hiya!
What did you do about your surnames when you got married? Did either or both change your names?
(I am a straight ‘kept my own name, give the kids both’ type)

Im also a lesbian. My dp has short hair and wears more ‘masculine’ style clothing and wouldn’t ever wear a dress or carry a handbag. It’s nothing to do with wanting to look like a man or be a man. With her it was from a very, very early age that she refused feminine clothing. She also works in a very male dominated industry and has several close male friends but she isn’t stereotypically masculine in her attitudes, interests, personality etc. She’s definitely not a ‘one of the lads’ type person. She’s very soft, gentle and emotional.

I don’t understand it myself to be honest. I’d like to know why she felt even as a teenager that studying/working in a male sector would be fine for her, or she was drawn to it. It might explain some of the current sex imbalance in stem careers.

Sometimes wish I could be lesbian because I think generally women are less selfish and treat people better when in a relationship...is this a fallacy?

@Sortilege it’s AMA. I haven’t been disrespectful, I have asked a question. One that I know other heterosexual people wonder about.

Well yes I know it’s AMA. I’m just amazed you see butch women as “blokey” and “trying to appear male”. Sorry for thinking we were past that.

I personally stay well away from anywhere billed as LGBT, because it’s likely to be more about males (whatever gender they identify as) and unwelcoming to lesbians who prioritise biological sex over gender identity. To a lot of us now, the rainbow flag is a sign of hostility.

@Sortilege i did say appearing, not trying to look like men. I realise that clothes don’t make the person, but it seems a little naive to not recognise that there are still looks perceived a ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’. There are many, many androgynous styles of dressing, but there are also many that are traditionally female or male.

I wasn’t calling those individuals anything, I was asking why there is a predominance of females dressing in a very masculine way who are lesbians. That doesn’t detract from them as females, but to someone who is attracted to males - they look male, they dress male, they are male, I am seeking understanding why someone who is attracted to females would find someone who looks and dresses very masculine attractive. As a dim straight, a woman is attractive when looking as female as possible - surely any similarity to the dangly types is not required.

I know I’m not the only straight person to be genuinely interested, and much like those attracted to same sex, who just don’t comprehend what might be attractive about opposite sex attraction, thus the question.

bizarre on an AMA I genuine, hopefully not offensively word A has to try to justify their question. Acceptance goes both ways, you know.

Sorry. It’s fair to say that it is AMA. I just remember people saying “which one is the man and which is the woman” of lesbian couples when I was a child and I worry for my DD.

Which celeb lesbians do you look up to, if any?

Do you ever get jealous of your OHs body?

Oh and what do you like to read? Any favourite authors which you consider lesbian friendly? There’s so much straight culture… books plays and films… nor so much or am I wrong?