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AMA
Original poster

I'm a lesbian! AMA

167 replies

Alysskea · 14/04/2022 22:30

Partly want to get some representation on here for same sex couples and our experience :)

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octopusdweller · 03/05/2022 09:58

Why do you think there are so many lesbians apparently happy to throw out the definition of lesbians as same sex attracted? This is an phenomena which has absolutely astonished me.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:18

Preach

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:20

octopusdweller · 03/05/2022 09:58

Why do you think there are so many lesbians apparently happy to throw out the definition of lesbians as same sex attracted? This is an phenomena which has absolutely astonished me.

I really wish I had the answer…. Internalised misogyny, maybe? Self-loathing? Wanting an easier life? It baffles me too. Even if I wanted to (which I don’t) I couldn’t deny this fact about myself which is true regardless of ‘politics’ and whatever else.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:22

SunaksNutsack · 30/04/2022 21:22

How was your wedding?

It was lovely!!! Coming up to our anniversary now and honestly what a lovely occasion. I’m so lucky to have family and friends who are supportive and kind.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:24

glebaisaword · 30/04/2022 21:30

In my town we have a 'Gay Village' which consists of mostly male gay bars, a gay pub, various bars with drag queen shows, a leather/bear men only club, a men only sauna and a few 'gay shops' which all seems to be selling a version of men's tighty whities and leather harnesses. Then there's 1 lesbian bar. If you (or other lesbians reading this) go to other 'gay village' type places in the UK have you found it to be similar, that the lgbt places all seem to be very male focussed? I often go there with my male gay friends and always wondered why there was such disparity between places for the men and places for the women, if it's down to demand or just the patriarchy at play.

Definitely true everywhere I’ve been - always male focussed. In some sense I think it’s down to demand - in my experience my gay male friends love clubbing whereas especially now I’m in my late twenties my lesbian friends would rather hang out at a cafe or go to the pub. So maybe it’s about a new perspective - a lesbian space that’s not a bar with thumpy music would have a higher demand!!!

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:25

Innocenta · 30/04/2022 21:44

@doveseternal What a weird, nasty comment. Plenty of people had questions for OP, and a handful of other lesbians have popped up to chat. Don't bother replying if you're not interested...

‘You’re not special’ what a weird comment 😂

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:26

ShowOfHands · 30/04/2022 21:38

I'm obviously not the op but I do have a lesbian DD who shaves her head and wears traditionally masculine clothes. Except they're just clothes and just a hair cut. Same as I'm not a woman because I wear a dress, she isn't a man because she wears trousers, shirt, tie and braces. We all like different clothes. They don't change material reality or mean that somebody is rejecting their womanhood. DD is a bloody proud and feminist young woman.

Show quote history

Thanks for this reply, I wasn’t sure how to respond and put my thoughts into words but you’ve hit it on the head here.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:27

Whatthefuck3456 · 30/04/2022 21:41

totally off the mark and maybe TMI, I’m straight and married, but when I see two women on the tv or porn lesbians always look like they have more fun and much more intimacy. Don’t know what question I’m asking 🙄

Well I feel much more intimacy with a woman but then I’m a lesbian so I would haha! Interesting thing to think about though :)

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:29

KaraVanPark · 30/04/2022 21:56

Do you feel it’s important/that you had to come out to your family and friends rather than saying casually I had a date with Jane yesterday, hope she calls me… kind of thing.

I normally go with the just dropping it in thing, like you say - including when I was young. I never came out to my family it felt like a weird thing to do for me. But it’s hugely important for some I think.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:30

SarahAndQuack · 30/04/2022 21:57

Just chucking in my perspective - but FWIW, I never get why straight women are surprised that lesbians might be attracted to masculine-presenting women. Surely it's obvious? You straight women get why a man in a great suit is sexy, right? Well, imagine someone in a great suit, but ... without the annoying dangly bits, and with a much nicer body. What's not to love?!

@SarahAndQuack this is by far the most relatable comment I’ve ever read 😂

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:32

CheshireSuburbs · 30/04/2022 22:10

Sometimes wish I could be lesbian because I think generally women are less selfish and treat people better when in a relationship...is this a fallacy?

to be honest I don’t feel like it is @CheshireSuburbs my heterosexual friends have a really hard time forming healthy relationships, much more so than lesbian women. Emotional maturity is an issue for men, so they say. And just seeing things eye to eye.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:33

StageRage · 30/04/2022 22:04

Hiya!
What did you do about your surnames when you got married? Did either or both change your names?
(I am a straight ‘kept my own name, give the kids both’ type)

Same as you :) kept mine but when we have kids we will double up. I know it’s a bit cruel to them but we’ll never agree on one or the other lol

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Circumferences · 03/05/2022 17:36

Do you believe a lesbian can have a penis?

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:36

duskyspringfield · 30/04/2022 22:44

Which celeb lesbians do you look up to, if any?

Do you ever get jealous of your OHs body?

re: being jealous instinctively I would say no I mean there’s things about her I’d like to have (when I say things I mean big boobs 😂) but I’d be ‘jealous’ if any woman who had certain features I like I guess. It’s not jealousy so much as just comparison? I feel we are running out of celeb lesbian couples in the media sadly :( can’t think of any at the moment that I would look up to which is sad.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:38

SNWannabe · 30/04/2022 22:50

oh i’ve got a question… when does a lesbian count as having lost her virginity if she never has PIV sex?

not the first time I’ve been asked this!!! I think my philosophy on it is like ‘if you know you know’. if you’ve had sex I feel like you’d know, and you’d consider it sex.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:39

Iwantmybed · 01/05/2022 06:57

Are short nails a must?

most definitely!!!

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:40

Somanysocks · 01/05/2022 13:33

No question, just jealous that you don't get stubble rash after a good snog. 😀

honestly don’t know how you deal 😂 im not being sarcastic

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:42

stripeyflowers · 01/05/2022 13:54

Do you have a 'type' and what is it - as in, looking like a certain actress, singer etc.

My ‘type’ I would say is like curvy (don’t get the slim thing at all), slightly on the ‘butch/masculine’ side (though I don’t like those descriptors). Most of all just someone who can put me at ease. And I wouldn’t say no to Kristen Stewart, let’s be real :D

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:43

Innocenta · 02/05/2022 15:37

I also dislike the term 'queer' and feel it others and erases lesbians.

Yep! Nice to speak to like minded people

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JaninaDuszejko · 03/05/2022 17:44

What would your advice be to a teenage lesbian growing up now?

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:45

shrunkenhead · 02/05/2022 16:12

Do you have gay male friends, OP? It has seemed to me that, although all gay, lesbians and gay men rarely socialise when I'd assume they had a common interest. Is this a thing? I have friends both gay and straight and, being bi myself, hang out with men and women. I'm just curious as to whether there just isn't anything in common, or is there more to it?

I’ve actually got loads of gay male friends, probably about half. I feel like we really do have common interests and common life experiences. I love my gay man friends a lot, I can relate to them and we’re very close.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:48

timeforanotherusernameyes · 02/05/2022 16:35

What is the best way to be an ally to lesbians?

I’m sure there’s loads of answers to this but please don’t forget we exist, don’t accept our erasure, stick up for us when we are put down.

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:50

picklemewalnuts · 03/05/2022 08:07

I just saw photos of a very stylish lesbian wedding, with both brides wearing dresses. Would you keep your dresses secret, do you think, or consult and choose together? I know that will depend on the couple, I just wondered about that dynamic. They were remarkably similar - though not at all identical- dresses.

The only lesbian wedding I've been to, one bride wore a very snazzy tweed suit, the other the traditional white dress. I believe they followed a traditional groom/bride pattern of shopping.

Very trivial I know!

First of all my wife wore a suit as she doesn’t feel comfortable in dresses. I wanted a nice white dress because I wanted to feel like a bride and maybe a bit of a princess for the day. Please don’t put points on my feminist license haha! We do pretty much everything together and this was no exception! I help her pick out the suit and she actually found my dress for me. I think the hiding it until the special day idea is cute though! I’m just bad at choosing and wanted help haha

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Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:52

Circumferences · 03/05/2022 17:36

Do you believe a lesbian can have a penis?

Nope

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PawPatrolPosse · 03/05/2022 17:58

How would a “straight woman” test the waters? I’ve always wanted to date a woman but wouldn’t no where to start!