ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

I wouldn't like to see the brothel in it's current state legalised, but for the definition to be changed to allow women to work together

If you me and Nonya wanted to work together as independent escorts operating from the same flat, say a lush three bedroom with a Jacuzzi, this would effectively be a brothel but we would all be perfectly entitled to do this, none of us would be doing anything illegal. I'm not sure where people get the idea that indies can't do this.
If you then took 50% of Nonya and my wages because it was your flat, even if that was agreed because we all though it was fair, you'd be procuring and pandering, which are illegal, and I started hanging outside in my lingerie and shouting out to men as they walked past "alright darling fancy some love?" I'd be soliciting which is illegal. If Nonya went around printing out cards and advertising her services putting them up all around that's also illegal. So now with all three of us doing something illegal it would be taken more seriously.

However a lot of MN woud say that legal prostitution should be banned etc. Seeing that this profession has been there since well, the beginning of time, what forms of leglisation would work, question for the OP and others in the profession?

I think the laws in the UK work well. I think historically we have a tradition of being quite a tolerant attitude towards prostitution but in the typical British way want it to be discreet and not encouraged or too prolifice. Laws have changed a lot and have been developing since 1886. Most aim to protect prostitutes from a variety of harmful behaviours.

If it was completely illegal here, you wouldn't be able to turn to anyone for help for fear of getting arrested yourself and that would make you more of a target for unscrupulous people who would take full advantage of that.

Do you think if prostitution was totally legal everywhere and acceptable that rates would go down so much it wouldn’t be worth doing?

What we see in countries where it's fully legal including New Zealand and Germany is a huge rise in migrant workers and that does indeed drive down the amoun the average sex worker can make because there is more competition from other girls.
But it wouldn't exactly go the way you describe because there will always be a market for the more expensive rates.

Many men like choosing a worker who is more "choosy" themselves. They know a more expensive sex worker is not seeing every Tom Dick and Harry, that they turn clients away and so that makes them feel better about it and is a more attractive option. The high class escort would still exist because of their attitude and looks and basically women are free to charge what they want.

Perhaps you should tell them that

Well they do say a fool and his money are soon parted. I prefer to invest mine where there is a much greater return. Thankfully the good Lord made my arms long enough to reach my dick.
It does make you wonder though,,for many men. Should i pump this money into house keeping, get my DP/children a treat/put it toward the family holiday/put it into savings/investments/pensions for my children or should i blow £100/£200 whatever visiting some woman who doesnt know me from Adam and doesnt give a toot whilst she fake moans appreciably?

As i say, each to their own

Thank you to the OP and other working girls who have contributed. It has been interesting reading.

I have some not so erudite questions to ask.
Do you have a rough idea how many men you have had sex with through your work?
If you have a partner (or even if you don’t) do you sort of mentally dissociate yourself from the process ( eg think about something else etc)
Do you kiss your clients on the mouth?

My husband left me and his family for the prostitute he was paying for.

Hi CurlyWurlyTwirly

Wrt numbers,
Personally no. No idea. Because I did the more high volume stuff, (lower wage) and so many of them are regulars they aren't new men to you.

I'll just try for an overall picture so at massage/flats I was doing 10 men on a good day 3 men on a bad day and about 3 days a week. (Take home £22.25 per job). Did this for about 2 years.
Saunas, when I went to a different part of the UK was better wage and slower moving so 4-6 men in 12 hours and 4 days a week (take home about £50 per job) Another 2 years approx.
Parties, 2 hours, busy means maximum 20 men shared between 5 girls and all men want to see all girls. Quiet means 7 men between 7 girls and all the men just want to see 1 or 2 girls. I did about 4-6 parties a week for 2 years (take home about £100 per party).

For me it's impossible to keep count. Plus about half of them are regulars you've seen before. I'm not a mathematician so just can't work it out.

Some of the other escorts on here probably have a clearer picture because they do higher price stuff and select their own bookings.

Wrt relationship sex,
I did have a mental dissociation from the work/sex. I genuinely passionately enjoy sex with someone I love/fancy/am in a relationship with but you become a sort of well convincing robot when doing work/sex. The detachment feeling is quite common in prostitutes and I think upthread it was discussed that it's also common in women who have been abused...
Nonya and other escorts believe many women do genuinely enjoy sex with strangers and so those women can also become prostitutes which is fair enough.

Men like paying for kissing but I would try to avoid it. It's just too intimate.
When I was in a relationship I was completely in a different place when it came to sex with my boyfriend compared to sex with a client.

tinkerbellax
God how awful.
Under the Nordic Model you would be able to report your husband's behaviour and he could well end up with a criminal record which he would have to disclose to his employer. If you are into a bit of revenge.

@Opheliah he's already done time in prison for domestic violence and I have restraining orders against both of them. My revenge is her having to deal with him

Do any of your partners/husbands know what your previous career was.

I'm not judging, we all have to put food on the table

Im guessing at some point you might have had a decent punter with a good sized member? Do you find business experiences spoil it if boyfriends are less well equipped?

@tinkerbellax I guess the prostitute did you a favour then :)

Does my husband know what I did for a living? Yes, he has never once thrown it in my face or mentioned it and respects me for the woman I am. My family knew, my dad was not pleased but like he said I was a grown woman he could not tell me what to do with my life but to ensure that I was always safe and happy with what I was doing. We never discussed work.

I am able to disassociate myself from my escorting career.

I did kiss yes, I was single at the time, I chose to be but I was very picky with who I kissed, I did not kiss smokers or those with bad breath, yuck! Some guys were really good kissers but most were terrible.

I used to wonder whether that was why their wives or partners more than likely did not want to kiss them or receive oral from them as most were pretty terrible at it. But you learn how to fake an orgasm when it came to reverse oral or direct them away from prolonged kissing.

How many men did I sleep with? Eish, would hate to guess but a lot.

@Opheliah gosh your rates were appalling, when did you work (years) if I may ask?

Did guys ever want instruction/lessons on how to be better in bed. Or did they all just want to feel like a sex god?

@Whereismymind yes I did as before escorting I had only had sex with two people and from what I understood my bj's were not stellar. So I did my research and voilas perfected the technique.

I did have to learn about the industry just like you would with any business it is not all about lying on your back and taking his money. When I registered as self employed to pay my taxes I had to do a short course on doing my self assessments as accountants would rip you off, what I could claim tax back on etc.

The industry is totally different to a one night stand from an independent prostitutes point, you have to learn how to handle situations and get a feel for what people want. You have to be good at marketing yourself, so a lot of research helps i.e photography etc, outside advertising.

Then you have to be your own PA taking appointments and scheduling them in for the day, banking your money, accounting for everything, organising your receipts etc for things you can claim back. That way you would not have to have a mad dash at the end of the year before you had to send in your taxes.

Then it comes down to equipment, a lot of men enjoy prostate massages and anal play, so you would need various toys, so market research.

You had to stay on top of your lingerie and outfits etc. I had a work wardrobe and private life wardrobe, my work wardrobe was a lot more impressive I can tell you.

When I started to make a move into mild domination you have to learn how to tie people up correctly, how to spank them correctly without leaving marks etc. A lot of videos helped with regards to tie and tease and humiliation scenarios.

Then you have to stay on top of your appearance, ie hair, nails (men love long nails) and ensure you have weekly pedicures especially for the foot lovers.

Then when it comes to the boudoir you have to ensure you have at least 2 extra sets of linen change, lots of towels, male toiletries, ensure your work area is spick and span.

Everything has to be perfect because men will pick on the smallest thing and complain about it and the last thing you need is a complaint on one of their forums.

It is a lot of work at the end of the day you are running two households especially when you have a work flat and your own home and that was why I stayed single for so long because if I added a man into it on top of being a single parent it would have been too much.

Nonyabizzness

Sod that!, seems too much like hard work;!

@Nonyabizzness I actually meant did the male customers won't sex advise.

But that was a really interesting insite into how much hard work it takes. I take it you charged a decent amount for your service. I suppose like anything you get out what you put in.

So what would you say is the ultimate sort of look/outfit for success?

Do you find business experiences spoil it if boyfriends are less well equipped?
No! lol the emotional connection from having sex with someone I fancy/love more than makes up for any comparison in size.

Do any of your partners/husbands know what your previous career was
Yes we met because he managed the content of the website and took pics for somewhere I worked so it's how we met. He's fine it doesn't come up at all stages he knows I don't do it now. Not since we fell in love.

Did guys ever want instruction/lessons on how to be better in bed. Or did they all just want to feel like a sex god?
They all ask "what do you like, and what makes you come" etc... I guess that's them trying to get better in bed? But they never specifically said, like, "give me sex lessons" or anything.
Most of the time they want to indulge a fantasy of being great in bed themselves tbh.

Opheliah gosh your rates were appalling, when did you work (years) if I may ask?
They're not uncommon rates! It's because half or more than half was going to the house.
1997- 1999
2002-2004
2011-2014
Roughly

So what would you say is the ultimate sort of look/outfit for success?
Hmm...
Tricky really!
For the very high class stuff a polished "non slutty" look really is a must. A bit of help from a surgeon and beautician goes a long way...

The ultimate look really means making the most of your existing assets so know what brings the best out in your appearance, and your confidence. Everyone is different, if you can come across comfortable and happy in yourself, taking pride in your individual appearance, that goes a long way.

@Pa1oma I’ve been married for 24 years. I’m fed up with women getting the blame for the actions of men. If my husband had an affair or visited a wg that’s on HIM and him alone. He’s the one that made promises to me, not some anonymous woman

Brilliant post. How refreshing to hear from a grown up on Mumsnet.
They will be getting their pitchforks ready so you will need to watch your back.
In my experience of Mumsnet most posters on here(not all) feel threatened in some way of a woman that stands up and goes against the norm and refuses to play the victim.You are obviously a confident and smart woman and you like sex.
I salute you .