ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

Julia - that’s an interesting question because I have actually been called a “prostitute” several times on MN. This is because I am a SAHM and my husband obviously funds my lifestyle and has done for 15 years. We have fairly traditional roles, I guess. Some MN feminists find this abhorrent - “look at the model you’re setting for your children” etc. So I see where you’re coming from, even though I know it’s not like that in reality.

Whereismymind is your username a Pixies reference??

Yep, good spot.

That reality is so widespread and so dire that you can’t let the small minority of women who have turned prostitution to their advantage distort and deflect from the dire misery of the wider industry.

Statistics on sex workers tend to be collected by sex worker projects, who help street workers and vulnerable women ( ie women exploited by criminals) and therefore it is clear why they record a high number of trafficked and vulnerable women.

As an independent worker I have never been included in any statistics on sex work, and neither has any independent I know. The industry is so vast and varied and without accurate statistics it is impossible to know if independents are a tiny minority. In my experience we are not.

I have actually been called a “prostitute” several times on MN. This is because I am a SAHM and my husband obviously funds my lifestyle and has done for 15 years

I'll never understand how a woman can call herself a feminist while tearing down other women's choices, because they are not what she would want to do.

I wonder why the focus is always on the woman and what she does? (I don't actually wonder at all, I know perfectly well why that is). For prostitution to exist there have to be men out there who are happy to buy the use of another person's body. I, personally, would never gain an ounce of pleasure from touching or engaging with the body of a person who had been paid to let me do that to them, who had no real interest in me as a person. I would find it utterly repulsive. The fact that a significant quantity of men can and do get pleasure from treating a woman's body like a piece of equipment says a lot about men. I would like the focus to be on that and what it is about men that makes them able to engage in hiring prostitutes on such a regular basis.

I hear what you’re saying Yetanother. I guess I just look from the other side of the lens. I’ve never met an independent sex worker admittedly. I can see how someone might even have a FWB arrangement where some guy gives her £50 once a week for sex - is that prostitution? Well kind of, but who would know and who would care? But I’ve worked with many trafficked girls in the UK and it’s hard for me to view the industry in any kind of positive light. And that’s just Britain. In places like India it’s another story. I just think, overall, it would be better banned because that’s a starting point. People who do it through choice, such as yourself, would still have the choice to do something else, but the ones who have no choice, at least feel that the morality of society is on their side.

I think the big difference with indies is they can turn away anyone they want to.

With an agency and especially street work, that's not possible.

So if an independent didn't like the way a client sounded on the phone or he was dirty when she met him, she would just refuse with no consequences except £60-£300 less. But with so many clients she could probably gain that from another especially a regular.

There is a series on Sky catch up which is called Matrioski and is about the trafficking of young girls for prostitution and to work in brothels and lap dancing establishments. These young girls are vulnerable, physically abused and intimidated.

'So if an independent didn't like the way a client sounded on the phone or he was dirty when she met him, she would just refuse with no consequences except £60-£300 less.'

Do you think that most women would feel safe saying no to a man who expected sex, who may turn angry and violent?

I just think, overall, it would be better banned because that’s a starting point.

Realistically though, prostitution will not go away simply because it is banned. The illegal parts of the industry are already run by exploitative criminals, and making the entire industry illegal just drives it underground further.

If brothels were legal, for example, sex workers would be able to work together for protection without fear of prosecution, and they could be run properly ( not by people willing to break the law). When I was in Edinburgh years ago the police were tolerant of brothels so long as there were no reports of abuse etc, and there were (still are I believe) a couple of very well run places which did not tolerate bad behaviour towards escorts.

New Zealand has had success in legalising the industry and giving sex workers rights, and a few years ago a sex worker took a brothel owner to an employment tribunal and won.

Do you think that most women would feel safe saying no to a man who expected sex, who may turn angry and violent?

Most, if not all, independents I know would. I turn down bookings on the phone all the time, and I have done it in person.

The client base for most independents are just normal men, and most men are not violent.

In the illegal part of the industry this is not the always the case, however, because the prostitution is often controlled.

Don’t you think legal brothels everywhere will just encourage more women to go into prostitution and more men to give it a go? Maybe people who it might not have occurred to before? Women who wouldn’t walk the streets might be prepared to do it in a more regulated environment. It’s like porn - now that quite hardcore stuff is so easily available online, the market for it has vastly widened and such content is entering the collective psyche as normal, for men and women. People who wouldn’t have bothered to order porn videos, buy magazines or whatever people did before are now socialised into porn, simply because it’s legal and so easy. It’s more difficult to join MN than to view a simulated rape online.

Do you think there were occasions when escrots frequented swingers clubs just to find new clients? Maybe they went o to hotel rooms and charged them for services?
The escorts make it pretty clear they're there for work or are "know to be looking for work" it's not like they lure men back to hotels and then suddenly ask for £300. It does happen that swingers clubs have paid escorts already there to service at the club on the premises.

At parties, do any of the men have difficulty getting an erection and performing in front of an audience? Its a far cry away from all that web porn
Yes, limp dicks do happen, and the ones where they can't complete, you have to keep going and going because they don't want to look like a "failure" but are struggling with it all.

Are you able to say 'ouch that hurts' during sex with a client - like if the position is not good for you and it hits your cervix or something - or are you supposed to suck it up?
You're of course able to say anything you like such as "ow" or "get off me!" and stuff like "I strictly don't do doggy style" but when you look at reviews you see clearly than men complain if you say things too "moany" so you phrase it like "I prefer it when you a,b,c".

Is it possible to be a bad prostitute? Like just unconvincing or technically bad at BJs/HJs etc
Yes, in a sense, and they probably don't get repeat business but they probably get visited if they have the right look. Men just complain if you're unconvincing. They tell you there and then often, too

Do you think banning sex services from the like of gumtree is a good idea? I heard it's been done on a major site in the US to stop child abuse/trafficking, with the consequence that overage, non-trafficked sex workers have been put in much more danger by having to return to street prostitution
I think it was Craigs List wasn't it? I do think anything that enables child exploitation should be taken very seriously and the effects of closing it down "driving women onto the streets" I think have been exaggerated. There are always other sites to go to but if a site gets populated by child abusers, closing it down is a small price to pay.
Unfortunately America is very keen on controlling the internet I don't agree with that myself at all I'd rather just criminal activity was dealt with in the usual way.

Don’t you think legal brothels everywhere will just encourage more women to go into prostitution and more men to give it a go? Maybe people who it might not have occurred to before?

It is a fact that lot of men and women who would be considered 'normal' by society are already involved in the sex industry, it would just no longer be hidden like it is now. It doesn't necessarily mean more brothels either, but rather more collectives where prostitutes would be able to work together (from the same address for safety & security), but still taking their own bookings, screening their own clients etc, without the risk of being prosecuted.

Women who wouldn’t walk the streets might be prepared to do it in a more regulated environment

That just means women with no moral objection to protitution would be able to do it safely.

it would be better banned because that’s a starting point its illegal in most of America all you get are a lot of poor vulnerable women in prison. It's illegal in other countries and usually ones that have an apalling record wrt human rights.

Most, if not all, independents I know would. I turn down bookings on the phone all the time, and I have done it in person I never once turned down a client. It wouldn't have been the "done thing" at all but to be fair I never felt the need to.

I never once turned down a client. It wouldn't have been the "done thing" at all but to be fair I never felt the need to.

That is my problem with most parlours/saunas, in a lot of places you can feel pressure to see someone because someone else is also making money out of it (without doing any of the work themselves).

Are clients ever curious about how you became a WG? Has one ever tried to 'rescue' you?

The fact that a significant quantity of men can and do get pleasure from treating a woman's body like a piece of equipment says a lot about men.

Thats was my thought about the parties. Could you imagine a group of women hanging about a flat in towels waiting for their turn to have sex with a couple of guys, while they compare notes.

Op did you find working in a brothel/parlor there was a sort of zero hour contract mentality - whereby if you turned customers down or certain acts down you would get less work/shifts.

If brothels were legal, for example, sex workers would be able to work together for protection without fear of prosecution

I actually disagree with this and the law in the UK surrounding brothels works very well. It's not illegal to work in one only to run one.
You have probably come across the "two prostitutes working together then one of them goes to prison for running a brothel" argument, well I suspect there's more to it if that's ever happened like drugs or antisocial behaviour in general. It's not really considered to be running a brothel if both are doing the work. "living off immoral earnings" is a bit more than just working for sex with another woman.

Legal brothels or the dreaded "mega brothels" increase exploitation of girls by being able to demand more and more from them, attracting migrant workers who may or may not be completely consenting to it (who can tell), and the earning potentials are greatly reduced. Part of this reason is the fact that there is no fear from the owners of being closed down or reported. They are free to utilise economic market forces alone.

In Milton Keynes there was a well established set of brothels running for decades "House of Divine" and the lady running it looked after the girls because she knew if there was upset of any kind she would be reported by one of the girls. There was a familiar relationship with the local police who knew full well it was going on.

Eventually she went to prison for living off immoral earnings and all 6 (ish) were closed down. She had became too "blatant" about the operation, ignored requests from locals to be more discreet, but mainly because a lot of the girls got into a dispute with her over working conditions and decided to report her for running a brothel and bigged up a story of dispute. There's basically often more pressure to treat those around you with respect if you know what you're doing is illegal.

Athrawes
Sorry late reply!

Are most sex workers really attractive - like Amsterdam window workers? Or do ordinary, bit podgy, cellulite types also get work?
God I've worked with the most insanely beautiful girls you could imagine. Most need to be quite attractive really. A lot of the attractiveness is artificial though like fake boobs and lazer hair removal. You do get all types though like the older women or the ones with lots of tattoos and piercings (but generally fit) and normal types but the ones who get the most work are typically 20-30 and slim. Normal ladies get work because the men "like their company" but not as much work.

And what position do clients favour - missionary is so, intimate. Who makes the first move? It's usually kissing, then oral on him, then oral on me, girl on top was the most common favourite, with missionary and doggy equal second favourites. You always let the client lead unless they're really awkward and shy then you take the lead.

I don't have a question at the moment but just wanted to say thank you OP and others for sharing your experiences, this was really interesting.

I think a lot of women might be surprised at what their husbands get up to. Of course they are going to recoil in horror and say,,what man would pay for sex? Its almost an admission of being a loser which of course, your husband isnt. He is a perfect man,a perfect father and an alpha male. Hookers are for losers arent they?

Well look at how many celebs /wealthy people/people in Government or the public eye who get caught with their pants down.

Are they all losers?

Now im not married. A few years ago i went away for the weekend on a stag do to Amsterdam. Of course we strolled the RLD. I wasnt particularly interested. Of course there were lots of attractive ladies.

I was amazed that on separate occasions 2 different married men disappeared to rooms with tarts.

Are there part time escorts and occasional 'pin money' type WGs too? I ask because we recently discovered family stories about two of my aunts who were 'Picadilly Commandos' during the war and after for a few years would go to Portsmouth every few months especially if a big American ship was in .Otherwise they led pretty ordinary lives , had kids etc and died peacefully in old age loved and respected . Also know of a very upper class woman , family friend, during wartime who had numerous 'lovers' who bought her a house amongst other things ..she also now dead, and her story now told within the family after years of her being held up a very respectable woman . There must be many hidden stories out there of women who dipped in and out of this world.

I guess i was a pin money wg? It was never my sole, fulltime job (purposely so, i wanted to be fully in control of what i was doing). That said, obviously it outstripped other roles in terms of earnings! It's flipping good pin money.

I was independent and never included in any industry surveys. I think the 1 in 10 figure is probably conservative tbh and married men were for sure the biggest chunk of my clientele!