ex prostitute here ask me anything

[Opheliah]

Has this one been done yet?

I am not Belle de Jour.

^to pa1oma

Yes I also used sponge tampons. You can actually cut up a bit of regular sponge but the only time I did that (on the advice of another girl who apparently did it all the time) I got BV.

I just finished watching secret diary of a call girl on amazon prime and the client list on Netflix, if you have seen them is it very similar to that?
I haven't seen either of those things! I'm not a good telly person but from what you describe (lavish lifestyles etc) they are probably portraying a very select, more uncommon high class escort lifestyle. It's like in most industries you get a few who make lots and lots, most in the middle making enough or just enough, then those at the bottom. The high class escort thing is not realistic.

If you are in a relationship, if you found out that your partner had visited a WG, what would you do/feel?
Oh god I'd die. I would just die.

I'd be OK with it if he had done it in the past before we were together.

Ophelia- I asked my DH if he would ever see a prostitute, even if he was single and desperate. He said that having to pay for sex would make him feel like more of a sad, desperate bastard than if he wasn’t getting any at all.
He said the main reason he would not pay for sex is that it’s obvious to anyone with an ounce of intelligence that no woman would become a prostitute unless she was abused /socialised /coerced into it, had mental health problems, was funding an addiction or otherwise utterly desperate. Even if she seemed happy to be there, that to him would be the most disturbing aspect and, of course, you never know what are the circumstances that have led her to that point. Humiliating a vulnerable woman is not a turn on especially when you know she just wants it over and done with and to get the money. You could be anyone to her. I think men who use hookers must be lacking a certain integrity or are utterly self-centred and deluded tbh. My DH does not claim to be on any particular moral high ground, he has /does watch porn and I know the content of what he’s into. He is quite upfront about this kind of thing, but he says it takes a certain type of man to consider using hookers and those men are on the periphery as far as he’s concerned.

he says it takes a certain type of man to consider using hookers and those men are on the periphery as far as he’s concerned.

Isn't the stat "one in ten men have paid for sex"? Doesn't sound like a periphery to me.

I wouldn’t know about that statistic, Rat. How was it conducted, when, whom and on what agenda - who knows?

one in ten men have paid for sex"?

I know a couple of men that paid for it once didn't like it then never again. Both were in Amsterdam. Men I've known that use WG regularly are creeps. One said when a new girl starts work in the office he goes and wanks over her in the toilet.

Whereismymind is your username a Pixies reference?? Ahh, thank you so much for reminding me I need to listen to that when I get home!

Also, I don't think I know anyone who regularly uses WG; if I do I can't tell them from Adam. But for other reasons I do suspect it's more "normal" than we would like the imagine.

@Wherismymind

I found this on ProCon.org

"The number of men paying women for sex has nearly doubled in a decade, UK research suggests. Surveys of 11,000 British adults in 1990 and 2000 found the rate increased from one in 20 to nearly one in 10 men."

"'Twice as Many Men' Pay for Sex," bbc.co.uk, Dec. 1, 2005

"It is possible that some of the change between 1990 and 2000 is the result of increased reporting, with a greater acceptability of commercial sexual contact, but we think this is unlikely to account for the whole increase.

The rate of divorce has increased, as has the proportion of men who are never or previously married, and this may explain some of the increased 'demand' for commercial sex. Further evidence for the growth in commercial sex can be found from studies of sex workers... [A]ll reports suggest an increasingly large and diverse sex industry, with more opportunities for the sale and purchase of sex via sex clubs, escort agencies, the internet, and sex tourism."

H. Ward, C. H. Mercer, K. Wellings, K. Fenton, B. Erens, A. Copas, A. M. Johnson, "Who Pays for Sex? An Analysis of the Increasing Prevalence of Female Commercial Sex Contacts Among Men in Britain," Sexually Transmitted Infections, Dec. 200

Estimated expenditure on prostitution in the UK varies from a few million to a few billion. I think that goes to show how impossible it is to measure accurately.

A couple of questions:

1. Are you able to say 'ouch that hurts' during sex with a client - like if the position is not good for you and it hits your cervix or something - or are you supposed to suck it up?
2. Is it possible to be a bad prostitute? Like just unconvincing or technically bad at BJs/HJs etc
3. Do you think banning sex services from the like of gumtree is a good idea? I heard it's been done on a major site in the US to stop child abuse/trafficking, with the consequence that overage, non-trafficked sex workers have been put in much more danger by having to return to street prostitution

Actually that was three! Thanks for interesting thread

I think the 1 in 10, if it’s true, is probably made up of men who have done it in Amsterdam or somewhere as a one off, combined with very isolated, socially inept men who sit in a dark room the rest of the time. Or men in very lonely marriages or who feel they are lacking in some way / unable to form real relationships. There will of course be the element who get off on the “power element” that they can pay for a woman as commodity and this is the dynamic they’re getting off on.

DH used to be a gold options trader in the city and there were a lot of obnoxious men who were quite loud about their propensity for strip clubs on a regular basis, but DH says he can’t once remember any of them bragging about going in brothers or booking hookers. He said, the truth is must men enjoy the chase when it comes to women and don’t want it made too easy, plus they are worried about STDs and the stigma.

You obviously don't want to end prostitution. But if you did how would you go about it? Is there anything that could be done to stop it?

To be blunt there's nothing anyone can do to stop it there is barely a culture or society on earth that doesn't have prostitution. Unless you look at very extreme religious places that have things like the death penalty and strict rules around conduct, it happens very consistently.
In an ideal imagined world, women wouldn't need to prostitute themselves because they wouldn't need the money. Resources would all be equally shared, women and childen would be better supported. Drugs/alcohol would be managed better. Or simply not produced...
But even then women would still be bribed into sex one way or another.

It's a difficult question! I don't think prostitution will end. The most important thing is to make the job safe, and abused women have to be helped.

I don't think prostitution will end. The most important thing is to make the job safe, and abused women have to be helped.

YY to this, so much.

YetAnother - Well I have to accept your perspective, of course. If you don’t mind me asking, do you think you would have been able to do prostitution if you had not suffered the previous abuse?

I have absolutely no idea, and this is also something that I have also explored in therapy in the past.

I do know that my detachment at work is similar to the detachment I had when I used to have casual sex. I am not (and never have been) detached while having relationship sex.

I do object to the slightly judgmental attitude (and this is not aimed at anyone in particular) that my idea of boundaries or what constitutes a sexual assault must be wrong. There are plenty women who were abused as children who are now perfectly well adjusted.

He said the main reason he would not pay for sex is that it’s obvious to anyone with an ounce of intelligence that no woman would become a prostitute unless she was abused /socialised /coerced into it, had mental health problems, was funding an addiction or otherwise utterly desperate.

And what has led him to form this opinion? Is it an informed opinion or is it an assumption?

I’m not sure about that. Paedophilia has always happened and always will, but that’s not a reason for society to just accept it and “make it safe”.

It used to be ok to purchase humans as slaves. Some campaigned for better conditions for slaves. That was alk they felt they could do at that time. But ultimately, at some point, humanity had to take a stand and say, no, this practice inherently wrong in principle. Simple as that. It doesn’t matter if some slaves have managed to turn it to their advantage and tell us that they have “choice” and better conditions. The fact is that the practice of buying people is wrong, whether this be for sex, slavery or both. End of.
Slavery was abolished over a century ago, yet in 2018 it is still legal to buy a woman’s body for a hour or whatever. Maybe one day society will apply the same logic to women as it does now to children or other groups who have suffered such humiliation. Maybe one day we will look back on legal prostitution with the same sickening horror that we now have for the slave trade which was once equally legal.

Yetanother - I guess what he means is that those circumstances are highly likely and he would not want to take the risk. The thought of it is enough.

Are you able to say 'ouch that hurts' during sex with a client - like if the position is not good for you and it hits your cervix or something - or are you supposed to suck it up?

Yes, definitely. I only tell them when it hurts or is umcomfortable though, and not just when they are generally being crap at sex.

Is it possible to be a bad prostitute? Like just unconvincing or technically bad at BJs/HJs etc

I would say so yes. I would say the most important thing to my clients is enthusiasm, but you would probably get a more thorough answer by asking them.

Do you think banning sex services from the like of gumtree is a good idea? I heard it's been done on a major site in the US to stop child abuse/trafficking, with the consequence that overage, non-trafficked sex workers have been put in much more danger by having to return to street prostitution

I don't think gumtree actually allows escort advertising, though I've never advertised there so I'm not 100% sure.

Banning indoor advertising from the internet would make life much more dangerous for independent workers, as it has done in the US. A more realistic approach would be to stop agencies and brothels (ie pimps) advertising on behalf of women.

That might go some way to stopping the control of prostitution by others, which is a problem that needs solving.

It used to be ok to purchase humans as slaves. Some campaigned for better conditions for slaves. That was alk they felt they could do at that time. But ultimately, at some point, humanity had to take a stand and say, no, this practice inherently wrong in principle.

Yes, and I would consider your point of view to be spot on for trafficked and coerced women in prostitution.

But independent, non vulnerable, women do have the right to decide to become prostitutes.

Prostitution is not necessarily slavery though is it?
There may be people who are, in the literal sense, sex slaves but prostitutes are ultimately able to choose not to engage in prostitution whether or not they will depend on what other options are available.

Also where do you do the line, what counts as prostitution?
what if I had a relationship with a man who I didn't find particularly attractive but I do it because he is financially very generous to me, so I don't really enjoy the sex but I do it because he buys me expensive gifts
is that prostitution?

I guess I just don’t believe that the choice is ever made in a vacuum. Prostitutes will nearly always have been socialised or coerced into it, to some extent. I respect what you’re saying Yetanother, yet if a very few women make the totally independent choice to go into prostitution, my point is that this doesn’t actually matter. It doesn’t matter because that is not reality for the majority of prostituted and trafficked women. That reality is so widespread and so dire that you can’t let the small minority of women who have turned prostitution to their advantage distort and deflect from the dire misery of the wider industry.

Prostiution is modern day slavery for millions of women worldwide. Centuries ago, there might have been second-generation slaves who thought they were doing well for themselves all things considered. Maybe they got to a position where they bought their freedom and chose to stay in the plantations or whatever. But they were only doing well within the context permitted to them, by history and society’s view if their “place”. “Freedom of choice” is relative. Women, as a class, do not, and never will, have the same freedom and equality as men until legal prostitution is abolished. Just as certain ethnicities could never hope of equality while slavery was legal, or certain castes in India could never hope for true equality and agency in wider society until the caste system was abolished.