Or is this victim blaming?

Yabvu yes hugely victim blaming

As it's already been said multiple times on the thread. It's the least likely type of rape and is rare.

You can also be up for sex but change your mind or be up for sex but not anal sex.

WTF? Are you so desperate to have the last word that you quote someone else's opinion to me? Jesus Fucking Christ!

Edited to say i thought I was addressing the person I had been addressing previously.

But it is rather obvious which orifice he is going for -so then just say no and rollover.
And (if) then violence is involved, obviously report to the police.
Don’t pay to go to his gig the following week…

If only it was that simple. Very few women would be raped if 'just say no' worked.

How about he just doesn't rape? Now that's nice and simple.

Rapists are always going to rape.

Men who think it’s ok will always think it’s ok.

Saying, “How about men just don’t rape” is too simple too and completely unrealistic.

They know what they are doing, they know it’s wrong and they do it anyway. Men with that mindset do not change.

Trying to protect ourselves from those type of men is the only level of control we have.

As has been said the majority rape is committed by a person who is known to the victim…..and I would be interested by what is covered in that term.

If a woman chooses to go back to the hotel room of a man she only met 30 minutes ago technically he is known to her.

How would she have bee aware until after he did it? They were having consensual sex and then he anally raped her.

She told him no multiple time and he didn't stop.

Also, where have you seen she paid to go to his gig a week later?! She immediately went to stay with her parents for 2 months as she was so traumatised.

Well, exactly. It was in response to pp saying 'just say no' like that would actually stop a rapist.

It's very little control to the point it is almost negligible considering how uncommon stranger rapes are and I think we need to be honest about that.

A man you met only 30 minutes ago is still clearly very much a stranger. The term covers partners, ex partners, family members, friends etc.

I think it might be because you’re absolutely brilliant and would never put yourself in any type of situation deemed (by you) to be risky. Well done you.

What are you hoping to achieve from this thread? Are you hoping we'll all agree with you that the silly little bitches were asking for it, behaving like that, going to a club and talking to men.

I put myself in some very unsafe situations when I was in my twenties. Just through being drunk or on drugs. Thankfully nothing terrible happened but it so easily could have. It wouldn’t have been my ‘fault’ but equally it’s unwise to put yourself in a vulnerable situation like that. Just like anything, there are ways you can reduce the risk. Eg by not getting pissed, going to a random man’s house you’ve known for 10 minutes and not telling anyone where you’re going. As an example.

Are we talking about the woman Brand sexually assaulted at her workplace?

My DD is consistently putting herself in risky situations. And has no control over what will happen to her. I’ve told her she needs to up her self-preservation as it’s clear a man who will rape will rape if the opportunity presents itself. Her (our) only control as females is to be as circumspect and untrusting as possible. This is not victim blaming when it goes wrong. It’s simply saying that our safety at the end of the day is our responsibility because it has to be. Men won’t change. This is the control we have. When it goes wrong these men need to be locked up. Why make it easy for them by getting wasted in a bar and going back to their house? Or whatever.

It is ludicrous to suggest that we have no control over what we do. We do. We don’t over them. Yes we can get attacked on the street in the middle of the day. It has happened to me. But why make it easier for these bastards.

No, of course you're not victim-blaming: you haven't even begun to suggest that victims of rape are to blame for what has happened to them (a point your many critics have clearly missed).
Furthermore, to say it is impermissible to ask why some people knowingly put themselves squarely in harm's way seems very bizarre to me. I am
not suggesting for one moment that that if a tiger bites your head off it is your "fault" - but why put your head in its mouth?

Ofcourse it’s always rapists that are to blame.

However I can also see the OPs point. We KNOW there are rapists in the world, so we need to reduce the risk of us being raped by avoiding situations where it could potentially happen; walking home late in the dark, going back to strangers hotel rooms etc…

It’s still the rapists at fault 100% although we shouldn’t make it easy for the rapists to rape.

But at the end of the day not all 16 year old girls have someone to pick them up. Or the person who is giving them a lift might not be safe. There is never a perfect system that is going to make women and girls safe. There will be errors in judgement at times.

Yes, they would. This has been proven in war time, over and over again, where "normal" men rape the women that they capture. I thought everyone knew about this?

World War I: 1914 German invasion of Belgium (the "Rape of Belgium") and during the Ottoman Empire's Armenian Genocide, where women were subjected to systematic sexual violence and trafficking.
World War II: Sexual violence occurred on a massive scale across multiple fronts:
The Imperial Japanese Army: sexual slavery known as "comfort stations," forcing an estimated 50,000 to 200,000 Asian women (primarily Korean and Chinese) into military brothels. 1937 Nanking Massacre, where 20,000 to 80,000 women were raped.
Soviet Red Army: Eastern Europe in 1944–1945, two million German women were raped.
The German Wehrmacht and SS: Committed widespread sexual violence in occupied Soviet and Eastern European territories, often combined with forced prostitution in military-run brothels.
Western Allied Forces: documented cases of rape by American, British, and French troops occurred in liberated European territories and occupied Japan.
Modern Conflicts: In late 20th-century and 21st-century conflicts, sexual violence has frequently been documented as a formal strategy of war or ethnic cleansing:
1971 Bangladesh Liberation War: An estimated 200,000 to 400,000 Bengali women were systematically raped by the Pakistani military.
1990s Bosnian War: Between 20,000 and 50,000 women (primarily Bosnian Muslims) were subjected to targeted mass rape by paramilitary and military forces.
1994 Rwandan Genocide: An estimated 250,000 to 500,000 Tutsi women were raped during the genocide.

It's easy to say Not My Nigel, but in reality, it has been shown, time and time again, that men rape given half the chance.

In terms of why:

• They might already be drunk/drugged and therefore more suggestible/impaired judgement/less aware of what is going on. I have intervened when a confused woman was being steered into a taxi by a man she didn't know who claimed to be "taking her home". Maybe he was but it's also very easy for men with bad intentions to go "this way" and guide them to his bedroom/hotel room. One of the women talking about David Williams described him getting her drunk and trying to lead her past her own bedroom into his

• It might feel like the safer option. I stayed at a man I didn't know well's house when I was younger because the trains were all cancelled and he offered and it was super late. Nothing bad happened because he was genuinely a good guy. But if a woman turned down someone like Brand's offer to help them to a hotel room and walked of alone down the street and were attacked in a dark alleyway doubtless that would also be their fault in some people's eyes for taking that risk.

- They might trust the man. Often it isn't a complete stranger but someone the women already knew. In the case of Brand he was a celebrity so there is an extra (misplaced) air of trustworthiness but in the cases described in court he had already put work in talking to them for hours/over a space of time. So he wasn't a stranger in a dark alleyway. Women can also be drugged and raped by their husbands. Short of living in an all female colony you sometimes have to trust the people around you aren't evil. And even "good guys" get offended at the suggestion women shouldn't

• The women in question were often younger. When I was younger I had a softer view of the world and took more risk. Don't forget many men lament the fact women become cynical. Society wants women trusting and vulnerable and kind and then blames them for the consequences of that.

How about he just doesn't rape? Now that's nice and simple

OMG, what a lightbulb moment! Why didn't anyone else think of this? Let's get that on a few billboards, and by the end of 2026 there will be no more rapes ever. Well done. If only someone had thought of this idea a few years ago! Imagine how many women would have been saved!

🙌👏

When I was around 19, a male friend and I went away for the weekend. We both had a few drinks and ended up having a bit of a snog etc. he invited me to sleep with him in his room for a cuddle etc. I was pretty drunk and madly in love with him so he could have easily taken full advantage of me. He didn’t. He lay down with me, holding me, and did not push further at all (despite it being very obvious he would have gone further iykwim).

That’s what happens when a man isn’t a rapist.

Someone who is drunk doesn’t have the state of mind to legally consent. That impairment also stops them from making the best decisions anyway. Don’t ask why didn’t she not go to the hotel. Ask why didn’t he make sure she was safe and not take advantage of her.

I am still quite baffled that so many women don't even walk alone to the Tube in Central London without a phalanx of bodyguards. Or take a taxi alone.

How on earth do you manage to work and live in the real world?

That's not true is it? Gisèle Pelicot was raped by multiple men in the safety of her own home and it was organised by the man she should have been able to trust most. As I said in an earlier post, I'm all for advising women on steps they can take to make it harder for an opportunistic predator to target them but you can take every precaution in the world and still be assaulted.

Why are you completely ignoring the fact that it was my response to pp saying that a woman getting anally raped can 'just say no'?

That was my exact point.