Or is this victim blaming?

I don't dispute any of that, but it doesn't address my statement that "acknowledging risk" isn't "victim-blaming" 🤷‍♂️

You say you don’t agree with it, but your advice to women is don’t dress or behave in a certain way if you don’t want male attention or to be treated as a sexual plaything. I seriously don’t get why you don’t understand how offensive that is. It is NOT on women to moderate their dress or behaviour, or anything else for that matter, for fear of being assaulted or raped. Men’s behaviour is not the responsibility of women and never will be. Rape or sexual assault cannot be mitigated by the behaviour of the victim, You call yourself a feminist but if you repeated this utter garbage to an actual feminist you’d be handed your arse on a plate.

The manosphere. Incels. Andrew Tate and the rise of misogyny and misinformation easily spread and perpetuated on social media like an ideological virus.

Maybe that’s got something to do with it?

Regardless. Women should not be the ones having to limit their lived experience just in case they get assaulted by men. It also infantilises men and takes away responsibility for their actions because they supposedly just can’t help themselves. Once again the burden shifts to women and we have to shoulder that responsibility.

It’s absolutely not how this should still be playing out and we shouldn’t be shrugging our shoulders and going: ‘Meh; Men will be men, what are you gonna do?’ about it.

Fuck that.

I think I get what you mean. Due to the awful people in the world we still need to protect ourselves. In the 90s I found myself through naivety, in situations where I could have come to harm. It happened. I was drunk, the kind of drunk where you don’t care. Two ‘men’ chatted me up, have me some pills. I felt funny, they both had sex with me. I didn’t say no. But I didn’t say yes either, I was on my period at the time and I remember them removing my tampon. This was non consensual, rape. Had I not been drunk, which then opened my mind to taking the pills (date rape drug I assume) it wouldn’t have happened. But there’s no comeback. I don’t know who they are. But if it was a celeb or two and I did know I would definitely come forward and say now that it was wrong. At the time I thought I was just a stupid girl getting myself into that situation

I think I get what you mean. Due to the awful people in the world we still need to protect ourselves. In the 90s I found myself through naivety, in situations where I could have come to harm. It happened. I was drunk, the kind of drunk where you don’t care. Two ‘men’ chatted me up, have me some pills. I felt funny, they both had sex with me. I didn’t say no. But I didn’t say yes either, I was on my period at the time and I remember them removing my tampon. This was non consensual, rape. Had I not been drunk, which then opened my mind to taking the pills (date rape drug I assume) it wouldn’t have happened. But there’s no comeback. I don’t know who they are. But if it was a celeb or two and I did know I would definitely come forward and say now that it was wrong. At the time I thought I was just a stupid girl getting myself into that situation

It isn’t a case of ‘blame’, but of taking responsibility.
If you get drunk and can’t remember what you are doing, and the man is also drunk, how is he more to blame than you?
Better just not to get drunk so you can say no, and leave. Same for him.
Why are men supposed to be somehow in control at all times, even if drunk , but the woman is not responsible at all?

It is NOT on women to moderate their dress or behaviour

In an ideal world, yes. But we don't live in an ideal world, and that's the whole point. I was driving home in the dark one night, and I had to go under a bridge. There was a pretty young lady walking alone under said bridge, wearing dungarees and nothing underneath, so I could literally see her side breasts. Should she be able to walk around with side boob showing late at night - yes. Should she actually do it? Fucking no.

It isn’t a case of ‘blame’, but of taking responsibility.
If you get drunk and can’t remember what you are doing, and the man is also drunk, how is he more to blame than you?
Better just not to get drunk so you can say no, and leave. Same for him.
Why are men supposed to be somehow in control at all times, even if drunk , but the woman is not responsible at all?

It is NOT on women to moderate their dress or behaviour

In an ideal world, yes. But we don't live in an ideal world, and that's the whole point. I was driving home in the dark one night, and I had to go under a bridge. There was a pretty young lady walking alone under said bridge, wearing dungarees and nothing underneath, so I could literally see her side breasts. Should she be able to walk around with side boob showing late at night - yes. Should she actually do it? Fucking no.

I think I get what you mean. Due to the awful people in the world we still need to protect ourselves. In the 90s I found myself through naivety, in situations where I could have come to harm. It happened. I was drunk, the kind of drunk where you don’t care. Two ‘men’ chatted me up, have me some pills. I felt funny, they both had sex with me. I didn’t say no. But I didn’t say yes either, I was on my period at the time and I remember them removing my tampon. This was non consensual, rape. Had I not been drunk, which then opened my mind to taking the pills (date rape drug I assume) it wouldn’t have happened. But there’s no comeback. I don’t know who they are. But if it was a celeb or two and I did know I would definitely come forward and say now that it was wrong. At the time I thought I was just a stupid girl getting myself into that situation

It isn’t a case of ‘blame’, but of taking responsibility.
If you get drunk and can’t remember what you are doing, and the man is also drunk, how is he more to blame than you?
Better just not to get drunk so you can say no, and leave. Same for him.
Why are men supposed to be somehow in control at all times, even if drunk , but the woman is not responsible at all?

Men don't turn into rapists because pretty young women in dungarees are showing the sides of their breasts. Rape doesn't occur due to overwhelming temptation faced by men.
If that young woman had happened upon a rapist under that bridge she would have been raped regardless of her clothes. Equally if she had passed by decent men who wouldn't rape, she would have been perfectly safe.

It isn’t a case of ‘blame’, but of taking responsibility.
If you get drunk and can’t remember what you are doing, and the man is also drunk, how is he more to blame than you?
Better just not to get drunk so you can say no, and leave. Same for him.
Why are men supposed to be somehow in control at all times, even if drunk , but the woman is not responsible at all?

It isn’t a case of ‘blame’, but of taking responsibility.
If you get drunk and can’t remember what you are doing, and the man is also drunk, how is he more to blame than you?
Better just not to get drunk so you can say no, and leave. Same for him.
Why are men supposed to be somehow in control at all times, even if drunk , but the woman is not responsible at all?

You have a point OP.
I would never say that it’s the woman’s fault because she went back to the man’s hotel room. It is the fault of the rapist.
but personally I would never go to a man’s hotel room, back in my partying days even if I kissed someone on a night out I would never go back to their house or hotel room.

I think what people are missing is that a lot of men would rape, if they thought they'd get away with it.

A fed lion at the zoo shouldn't eat the zoo keeper, but he might do so it's best to stay out of the lion enclosure.

I think what people are missing is that a lot of men would rape, if they thought they'd get away with it.

A fed lion at the zoo shouldn't eat the zoo keeper, but he might do so it's best to stay out of the lion enclosure.

I think what people are missing is that a lot of men would rape, if they thought they'd get away with it.

A fed lion at the zoo shouldn't eat the zoo keeper, but he might do so it's best to stay out of the lion enclosure.