Or is this victim blaming?

But the poster hasnt said that the rapists arent to blame.

I will certainly be teaching my daughters about safe choices and behaviors precisely because the world is full of male predators. It would be irresponsible not to.

That would not constitute victim blaming. I want them to be safe and aware and sadly, not trusting.

I just don’t get why a woman would put herself in a position where something scary like this could happen

This is the most ludicrous sentence I have read on MN in a long time. You need to have a sit down and a good hard think about it.

so take zero precautions because it could happen anyway? so you shouldn’t try to keep yourself safe?

Because statistics say it won’t happen. If I never did anything with a slight possibility something bad would happen I would never do anything.

look at the likelihood of being raped in a hotel room compared to being in a major car accident.

boils my piss that we continue to scare women into changing their behaviour

I don't think it's unreasonable to say that some situations are inherently more risky than others whilst also maintaining that no-one deserves to be the victim of a criminal offence.

If I went wondering around in a dodgy neighbourhood carrying an expensive handbag and wearing loads of jewellery, that would probably be considered reckless. That doesn't mean I deserve to be robbed.

I think the issue with SA is that basically all intimate encounters requires trusting someone to some extent, so focusing on the the situation the woman puts herself in seems particularly unhelpful. You could date a man for a month and he could still rape you. Many rapes are perpetrated by husbands or long term boyfriends.

Of course women put themselves at risk when going home with men they don't know very well whilst drunk, but the reality is any man could rape you if he wanted to.

Why not though? They're "in a scary situation" just as much as a woman who is blind drunk and raped in an alley at 2am. Both have been raped. It's the rapist accompanying them that is the risk.

I think there are two different points at play:

1. a woman is never to blame for being sexually assaulted; and
2. there are things we can do as women to mitigate the risk of us being sexually assaulted

Those things can coexist.

It doesn’t mean that a woman had it coming if she does something which increases her risk (I.e going home with a man she doesn’t know), but it does mean that there are things we can teach our daughters to help them navigate the reality of the threat they face from men.

This. I suppose women could never leave their homes, but even that carries a risk of rape.

Can you really not think of any reasons why?

One of the women who gave evidence against Russell Brand went back to his hotel room because they were having a good conversation and she assumed he was gay.

When I was younger, and before I was married, I had one night stands with men when I'd been drinking. I went back with them to their homes with the intention of having sex with them. Yes, it's risky, but it's hardly unheard of! Having drunk alcohol definitely affected my decision making - but at the same time I wanted to have sex with them and did also have sex with men in situations that you would probably deem risky while I was sober.

My intention to have sex with them didn't at any point override my right to say no - I could have still been raped if I'd decided I didn't want to go ahead, or they forced me into an act I didn't want to participate in. In fact, this was what happened with the rape Russell Brand was convicted of - the victim/survivor wanted to have vaginal sex with him, but he forced her to have anal sex, which is why he was convicted of rape.

Incidentally I also hung out with men while I had been drinking, doing things like listening to music with them. I wasn't raped at any point, but that was because none of the men I encountered wanted to rape me!

As Gisele Pelicot said, shame must switch sides - and asking why women would put themselves in these positions suggests that you think there's something shameful about women spending time alone with men or wanting to have sex with men.

OP I agree with what you’re saying. Last weekend I took my dogs to a quiet playing field at 7.30 am. It was foggy and my dogs were able to have a massive run around as no other dogs or people around. The field backs on to woods where I’d usually walk around afterwards. A woman walked out with her dogs and told me she’d just seen a man with his trousers around his ankles near the opening to the woods. She didn’t know if hed been exposing himself, pooing or whatever, just quickly left the scene and said she’d call the police. Now obviously I didn’t continue my walk into the woods though I’d wanted to, had planned to and shouldn’t have needed to stop my dog walk. But I took responsibility for my own safety. I know we shouldn’t have to but I chose not to put myself at risk

I think there’s a distinction to be made between going to a hotel room with a man and walking alone in the dark. In the latter, a woman is just going somewhere and this is basic right/needs. Going back to a hotel room isn’t necessary or a normal daily activity.

However, it all falls under victim blaming really. A woman should be able to get as drunk as she likes. Go wherever she wants and have as much fun as she wants.

If a man went drunkenly into a hotel room with a few women, they’d probably just put him to bed and get him a glass of water.

Being assaulted shouldn’t be the default result for a woman just for being a woman in any given scenario.

Fucking victim blaming.
I walk alone in the dark daily. What else do you want me to do in London? And when it gets dark at 4.45 pm?

If a man make a woman believe she's safe enough to be alone with him and he breaks that trust and rapes her, are you saying it's HER fault for not keeping herself 'safe'?

I'm pretty sure it's still the fault of the lying rapist...

It’s an interesting discussion. I should be able to leave my handbag in my car, and not have it stolen even if I leave the car unlocked. But my insurance company wouldn’t pay out because they’d have deemed it too risky to leave the car unlocked. Yet nobody has the right to steal someone else’s property.

We know that no man has the right to assault us, but we also know that some men would given half the chance. And although I don’t ever think it’s the fault of the woman, I do think that it’s wise for us to be on guard and do what we can to keep ourselves safe. We shouldn’t have to, but unfortunately we do.

@Feedingmybabyyou are not a feminist.

The vast majority of rapes don't involve a stranger. I think it can give a false sense of security when the reality is, a trusted male friend or the man you love and sleep next to every night are the ones who are the danger according to statistics.

Obviously women are going to continue to get married, not ditch a good friend just because they are male etc so logically, women are also going to continue to have casual sex or walk in the dark because the vast majority of the time, they aren't going to get raped. They also aren't any more to blame if they do get raped as they are if a women is raped by her husband despite the fact it is more likely, no one tells her she shouldn't have trusted a man enough to marry him.

You don't ever walk in the dark? That's pathetic. How am I expected to get home from work?

You are blaming women because with this ‘why take risks’ analogy you are insinuating that women can prevent rape. Which the majority of the time they cannot z