Or is this victim blaming?

& people who never walk anywhere alone have priviledged lives. How do you think people get to work who dont have a car? You have to get to the tube/bus/train.

Absolute piffle. Examining the risk factors of the situation is going back down the slippery slope we’ve just conquered, where blame is apportioned to women to mitigate mens’ crimes. Next we’ll be hearing phrases like ‘she was asking for it’ again. No means no. In all circumstances. Doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, where she is or what she’s doing. Men have absolutely no right to assume consent. If it’s given fine, if not jog on.

It is victim blaming OP.
Women and girls should not have to take responsibility for preventing male violence by restricting their own lives.
A male isn't automatically safe because he's a husband, relative, boyfriend, colleague, neighbour or someone a girl or woman has known for years. Why should women and girls question how much freedom they should give up to avoid being attacked by a man? Why should women and girls be expected to organise their lives around the possibility of male violence in the first place?
Women and girls deserve to walk, travel, work, date, socialise and live their bloody lives without having to calculate the risk of being assaulted, abused, raped or killed by a man. Telling women and girls to take more precautions is not the same as being offered safety.
We teach our girls to be vigilant. Don't walk alone. Don't wear headphones. Watch your drink. Share your location. Check who's behind you. Don't get into a taxi alone. Don't trust too easily. Don't put yourself in vulnerable situations.
We are warning them to organise their lives around the possibility of being attacked by a man.
It is utterly depressing.

The manosphere. Incels. Andrew Tate and the rise of misogyny and misinformation easily spread and perpetuated on social media like an ideological virus.

Maybe that’s got something to do with it?

Regardless. Women should not be the ones having to limit their lived experience just in case they get assaulted by men. It also infantilises men and takes away responsibility for their actions because they supposedly just can’t help themselves. Once again the burden shifts to women and we have to shoulder that responsibility.

It’s absolutely not how this should still be playing out and we shouldn’t be shrugging our shoulders and going: ‘Meh; Men will be men, what are you gonna do?’ about it.

Fuck that.

That's your personal choice, but it's ridiculous to turn it into a universal rule! What about women who work night shifts, rely on public transport, can't afford taxis or have nobody to walk home with? Are they supposed to give up work or restrict their lives because it's dark?

Read OP’s post of 13.19 today and then tell me you still think this poster is ridiculous and wrong. It’s victim blaming 101 and bordering on suggesting that some women are ‘asking for it’.

@OsfameronTanamoril We all have different risk appetites. But London is not Mogadishu!

Questionable, sometimes.

Excellent analogy.

That's the rule

I find that quite sad. Not in a condescending way, just wistful for what you've missed. Wandering your own city alone in the dark is lovely. It can be meditative, or thrilling, or (often) just mundane.

But it's mine.

Being in a situation where a man has the opportunity to choose whether to commit violence against you is not the same as accepting a risk of accidental harm.

You say you don’t agree with it, but your advice to women is don’t dress or behave in a certain way if you don’t want male attention or to be treated as a sexual plaything. I seriously don’t get why you don’t understand how offensive that is. It is NOT on women to moderate their dress or behaviour, or anything else for that matter, for fear of being assaulted or raped. Men’s behaviour is not the responsibility of women and never will be. Rape or sexual assault cannot be mitigated by the behaviour of the victim, You call yourself a feminist but if you repeated this utter garbage to an actual feminist you’d be handed your arse on a plate.

But it didn’t?

it asked about rape and sexual assault

the OP

but I struggle with the line when it comes to victim blaming in some cases of rape and sexual assault.

👏

Is it ? Hitting someone with a car isn’t a deliberate act. Rape is.

How is it excellent? Are men at the wheel of a 2 tonne speeding penis hurtling down a road you step into? And no matter how they try to swerve, they just couldn't avoid cramming it up your hole?

This

Her responsibility was being in her own bed. Her responsibility would also have been ignoring any red flags that this asshole would be a rapist, and allowing him to share her bed. Note responsibility, not blame.

It was not her fault. Because fault implies wrongdoing, of which she did none.

I am responsible for finding myself out at night with no taxi fare. Thats my responsibility. I am responsible if I choose to enter a hotel room with a virtual stranger. I am responsible if I choose to get drunk with a man who gives off weird vibes but is really good looking. Those bits are with me, I control them, I can choose to do or not do those things.

However, none of those things are actual wrongdoings, none of them are in any way morally wrong. So there is no blame with me.

The actual rape, the decision to force oneself upon someone else without their consent and cause harm to them, that is the wrongdoing so that is where the blame lies. All of it.

I choose this way of thinking so I have at least some control of my world. As long as I did nothing wrong, I don't accept blame. I will accept responsibility for my own actions though, because then I can change my pen actions in the future and lessen the chance of being in that situation again.

I did think most people felt this way but I'm starting to wonder if thats wrong.

At various points in my life I, too, have had drunken one night stands several times and have never been raped.

Way back in my youth I would regularly hitchhike but never got raped.

I've walked alone in the dark more times than I can remember, in both town and countryside.

In all my 59 years of frequently putting myself 'in a position where something scary like this could happen' I've never been raped because none of the men I slept with, or who offered me a lift, or saw me walking alone at night were rapists. They were all respectful - even the ones who didn't get what they were hoping for because I was actually too drunk!

The one and only man who attempted to have sex with me after I'd said no (twice) was my first husband. A man I should have felt safe with.

So yes, I do think you're victim blaming.

I have no idea what you are trying to say. Seems like quibbling over semantics.

Its an incredibly serious subject, but your analogy has made me laugh....speeding penis 🙈

But none of that equates to saying "there's a risk inherent in taking a man you barely know back to your hotel room" = "victim-blaming" which was, I think, the OP's initial point.

Not really. Stranger rape is rare, you're more likely to be raped by a man you know so it isn't riskier.

Rape is also intentional, not accidental. Obviously.

Fucking hell. It's depressing enough seeing this scummy kind of commentary from asshole men on twitter, but an apparent woman on mumsnet??
OP obviously your revolting views are victim blaming. You even got as far as well if she will go out dressed like that... Not to mention the suggestion that there is some sort of rape hierachy and stranger rape victims were asking for it more than women raped by people they know.
What is MOST interesting and depressing is the timing of this though. Some of Russell Brand's victims finally got justice yesterday. David Walliams finally stopped being able to injunct himself away from justice today. And today of all days THIS is what you chose to write on the subject of rape. Not how heinous those men are, or how brave their victims were, not what men can do to be better, no what you chose to add to the discourse was is it really victim blaming if I say I know rape is wrong but..... YES, yes it is victim blaming and it is shameful.