Or is this victim blaming?

Of course it's victim blaming, no one deserves to be raped regardless of whether you think they've made a bad decision.

Like the judge in the Russell Brand case said, no matter where a woman goes or how much she drinks, she retains the right to say no.

See how that works, blaming rapists for rape? It's pretty easy once you get the hang of it jeez.

Yes, I think you're victim blaming.

A woman can go back to anyone's hotel room, and they won't be raped unless the man is a rapist.

They can never do anything risky at all and still be raped, if they happen to encounter a rapist.

It's the rapists that are responsible for what they do.

Because they wanted to and they didn’t think that a person would do that and generally believe that most people are good and law abiding. Alcohol also changes your perception of risk.

I was sexually assaulted while seated at a restaurant table with my parents. It's not about what a woman does (or does not do), it's about what an abusive man chooses to do to her.

The "were you drunk", "what were you wearing", "where were you walking" type questions just make it easier to blame the victim, and have no place in a discussion about rape and sexual assault.

Why? Because it’s victim blaming. HTH.

You're very much victim blaming because clearly you're saying "Well she put herself in a dangerous position".

NO position should be 'dangerous' and if men stopped raping, then no position would.

Therefore only the rapist is to blame.

But you appear to be saying if a woman was just going about her daily business like going to work for example and was raped, she'd be less to blame than if she got drunk with a man in a hotel room.

And you have to ask if you're victim blaming???

I just don’t get why a woman would put herself in a position where something scary like this could happen.

"Something scary like this" can happen anywhere, any time. It's not just dark alleys and drunken women. The common denominator is the rapist, not women's behaviour.

You could say that about anything though. Why would you get in a car if you know an HGV driver could randomly decide to plough into you? Why would you eat in a restaurant if you know a waiter could poison your food? Why would you go to a party if you know someone could get drunk and punch you in the nose?

You are responding as the patriarchy wants you to. Even holding this view makes you anti-feminist and a victim blamer.

There is a great picture I saw.

”I shouldn’t have worn this” said the skirt, “I said no” said the trousers, the nappy just sat there in the corner.

Rapists are fucking awful. I hope they all rot in hell. And fuck any one who defends them in anyway, male or female.

This. As simple as this.

To think otherwise is absolutely victim blaming.

Okay, I'll bite.

How have we reached the point where any casual sex is deemed "putting yourself in an unsafe situation?" This is a normal activity many women and men do.

And at what point in a relationship would you say, "okay, you've known this man long enough now, if he rapes you it's no longer your fault!" A week, a month, a year? And yet we all know rape in long term relationships is common, possibly more common than rare in casual encounters.

As for walking alone in the dark, I don't even know where to start with that one.

You are just perpetuating the myth that women can protect themselves from rape, if only they are careful. This is just flat out untrue and so damaging to women who have been assaulted.

Yes you are victim blaming. Plenty of women are raped at home by their family member or partner. It's not about putting themselves in any particular position, it's always the fault of the men that rape them.

Of course that's victim blaming.

I did a lot of stupid stuff like that when I was younger. I was not raped, and probably, in hindsight lucky. That doesn't mean that if i had been it would have been my fault or I would have deserved it. The fault is always with the rapist.

i get what you mean op, but mumsnet is really weird about this kind of thing so don’t think you will get people agreeing with you on here mumsnetters seem very keen to push for sleeping with a man on the first date, like don’t they care about how dangerous it could be to be alone and naked with a man you just met? who is a stranger and can over power you, i find the attitude on here rather bizarre there is currently a thread running where the op waited 10 dates before sleeping with a man and is essentially advised to sleep with men as soon as possible (first or second date) i mean why would you be happy to be alone and naked with someone you just me like that, does make you wonder why put yourself in a vulnerable situation where anything can happen…

Because in your eyes they are the 'right type' of victim.

If someone dies in a car crash would you say ‘oh we all know cars are dangerous, why would you get in one in the first place?’
you wouldn’t? Seems like you do get it and you’re just rage baiting

Why?

Because you feel they're less to blame than a woman drinking with a man in a hotel room?

The man is just as much of a rapist as the other men who raped the women you're 'not talking about'.

I think you could use the same faulty thought process about why women still carry handbags when they are so much more vulnerable to being mugged.

You could be raped in a hotel room by a work colleague you’ve known well for 10 years.

You could be raped by your husband you’ve slept in a bed beside for decades.

You are victim blaming here because it is more comfortable to feel that your actions can always keep you safe when unfortunately you could be asleep and locked into your own home asleep in your own bed and be raped.

It is victim blaming. How isn't it?

I've drunkenly gone back to hotels with several men during my younger, single days and I was never raped because none of those men were rapists. It only happens when a man thinks it's acceptable to rape someone.

Always the rapists fault. No if's or but's.

That's exactly what I mean though. Women can't avoid being raped just by behaving a certain way, because it's the fault of the man. It doesn't matter what the woman has done, the man who commits the crime is the one at fault.

Yes, the poor little rapist would definitely be forced to rape women in the situations you describe.

I mean how could they possibly not? 🙄