Or is this victim blaming?

Rape is rape but harder to prove if they’ve agreed to drunken sex and woke up being raped later in the night. It’s still rape but she’s made herself vulnerable with an unknown person. Bit like walking about with a thousand pounds cash in our hands. Theft is still theft but better to hide the money and valuables away.

Men are excused for poor behavior because they are young and their frontal lobe isn’t fully developed. They are excused because they are drunk.

However female victims are to blame for being raped for these things.

Please can we all stop comparing women to money and objects.

My hostility is because you are victim blaming. You have dressed it up in fancy words, but you are.
I have never had a one night stand. Not my thing. But I will not ever question why other women go for them. Not when women are being raped by husbands, fathers and relatives in their own homes when doing nothing risky.

but the drivers on the motorway didn’t decide to run over the person running across the highway. It was an accident.

A rape OTOH isn’t accidental. There’s a rapist who made the decision to rape. He could choose not to rape.

But it shouldn’t be dangerous, that’s the whole point. It’s the rapist men who make it dangerous.

Yes. Why not modesty clothing for women? Some people think that reduces the risk.

There is a huge difference. No, in neither of those scenarios does a person deserve to be hit by a car, but a person running across the motorway is putting themselves in a position is dangerous, where there is a high possibility of being hurt by someone who is using the motorway perfectly appropriately and legally - ie driving their car quickly. The driver would not intend to hit them, it would be an accident.
A rape is an intentional act. The man has meant to and intended to commit that crime, not the same as an innocent driver hurting someone who happens to be on the road unexpectedly.

A woman should be able to walk through a deserted country lane, drunk, or high, and naked and covered in diamonds. Unwise? Yes, but anyone raping or robbing her has committed an intentional act. Responsibility for this intent, and the behaviours we all put in place to protect ourselves from intentional or unintentional harm are different things.

Accidents happen - they are not intentional. Rape is.

Spot on!

I get you OP. I put myself in a stupid and dangerous situation when I was a teenager. I was raped. It wasn't my fault but I could have prevented it. We can't control other people's actions and unfortunately there will always be rapists.

Of course no woman is to blame for being raped. They do however, have a responsibility to themselves to stay safe, ie: dont enter a hotel room with an unknown male.
Ill get my coat

Are you actually disagreeing with the OP though?

You are saying some of the situations you put yourself in when you were young were stupid (presumably you might make different choices now) - which I think is what the OP is saying?

She isn't saying you deserved to be raped or that people who make stupid decisions deserve to be raped but just that some decisions / situations are riskier than others?

To those who say the OP is victim blaming.

Would you advise your daughter to go back to a hotel room with a man she just met if she was drunk.

I think most would not. I would advise my own daughter against this.

Would you advise your daughter to end a relationship if she told you about red flag behavior? I would.

Yet would you be potentially victim blaming your daughter if she failed to follow your advice and did it anyway? And a SA occurred?

I don't think you'd see it as her fault. I wouldn't.

That's all the OP is saying I think.

I agree that it's not anti-feminist or victim blaming to say that women should be responsable for themselves. While it may be true that "rapists gonna rape" whatever the circumstances, going to the hotel room of a person you don't know is objectively an unwise thing to do. Adult women are free to make better choices regarding their safety, and to argue otherwise is to absolve them of all responsibility for themselves.

Because people make mistakes. Or change their minds.

i was raped as a teenager and engaged in many of the behaviours people would suggest put myself in danger. It has taken me to my 40s to begin to shift the narrative from self blame, self hate, shame, guilt and all the other horrible feelings that have dominated my life since. I recently told my mum who asked me why on earth I didn’t runaway and call her from a phone box. Believe me, when people ask these sort of questions victims, especially those who are young feel very much to blame for what happened to them.

So, if you're talking to someone for a while, they seem nice, you want to meet them...
Do you mean, if you get raped, you shouldn't have been there in the first place? I don't understand your comment

Years ago, a man once put it quite simply, rape is an act of violence, unexpected and undeserved, in all cases. If a man is stabbed, no one questions his clothes, his location or his sobriety.

But they aren't higher risks. Most women aren't raped by strangers in dark alleys.

Most women are raped by men they know and sometimes love. The higher risk is to allow men in your circle, in your bed but the vast majority of women take that risk yet it isn't seen that way.

The alternative is acknowledging the fact that men are going to rape and they will always find a way to rape. It can't be prevented. Women should continue their lives as is because making changes isn't going to make a difference in reality, especially when those changes are largely regarding the most unlikely rapes to happen in stranger rapes.

Perhaps she went back to the hotel room drunk, feeling 'up for it' but then changed her mind, perhaps sobering up a little or just doesn't want to anymore? That's allowed. And a man should stop, unless of course he's a rapist.

I had somebody make a rape attempt on me when I was jogging. Fortunately, I am quite tall and strong and have done some martial arts so I fought them off. It was absolutely, no question a rape attempt, they jumped out at me and grabbed me, covered my mouth with their hand so I couldnt scream etc.
I wasnt drunk or 'revealingly dressed', I was wearing baggy track suit.
Do you think I 'put myself in that situation' op 🙄
Rape is a power crime.

Do you not think that maybe she would though?

Victims often blame themselves and that’s one reason why reports and convictions are so low.

Even your wording here implies it would be her fault for “failing” to follow your advice!

Victim blaming language is embedded in these conversations.

I just don’t get why a woman would put herself in a position where something scary like this could happen

I don't understand this either. In my youth I've been invited to a man's flat for a drink at the end of an evening and I've declined because I don't know him very well. I've had friends who've accepted invitations from men and been perfectly ok. But if you don't know a man very well, you don't know if he could be a rapist, so I always thought it best to err on the side of caution. Of course it's always the rapists fault and never the woman's fault. But why take risks?

Picture this - you’re in a bar and you see a sign suggesting you should try not to leave your drink unattended.

Do you think:
a) that sounds sensible; or
b) OMG I am furious.

Yep, because womens bodies are still seen as objects for men.